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  #1  
Old 10-23-2017, 12:25 PM
annie1978 annie1978 is offline
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Question Help please x

Hi i need some help and advice please.........
In jan 2017 i started seeing a colleague ,it wasn't right as he had a partner but we were both in bad places in respective relationships and fell for each other ..... now nearly 11 months later we have fallen in love and everything is fabulous, his partner found out about us and is happy to let us continue and here is the newest thing ... my partner announced to me last night that he wants us to live in a polygamous relationship all 3 of us .
Now i am the most open minded person but even i nearly fell over and this is where i need some help and advice please if u can ......i have been madly researching overnight as havent slept about how i should be feeling and if this can work ...any help i would appreciate
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Old 10-23-2017, 01:25 PM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is offline
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Well, it wouldn't be polygamy. It would be polyamory. And it doesn't sound like your co-worker is looking to leave their spouse. What exactly do you and your husband see this as being? That's a good conversation to start with.

I suggest looking at the More Than Two website and book. It's an excellent communication tool for couples who are looking to open up their marriage.
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Old 10-23-2017, 01:55 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Quote:
my partner announced to me last night that he wants us to live in a polygamous relationship all 3 of us .
What does this mean to him?
  • He wants all three people married to each other (in spirit or ceremonially -- because it's not legal in most places)
  • That he wants all three people romantically involved?
  • He wants all three people to cohabitate?
  • He wants all 3 people in a "V" thing with himself as the shared sweetie?
  • Something else?


Quote:
Now i am the most open minded person but even i nearly fell over and this is where i need some help and advice please if u can ...
My advice is to ask him to explain and get clear on what he means by "polygamy."

And if the offer is not something you are up for? Politely decline. You may be up for some things but not other things and that is ok.

Quote:
.i have been madly researching overnight as havent slept about how i should be feeling and if this can work
Don't lose sleep over it. You don't have to answer right this MINUTE. It's ok to take the time to think on it. It's ok to say "Well, there's a thought. I need more explanation of what you mean by "polygamy" and what the offer on the table is exactly. Then I need time to digest."

You sound like you were caught a bit off guard. But that doesn't mean you have to make any rush decisions.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-23-2017 at 01:57 PM.
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Old 10-23-2017, 03:00 PM
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vinsanity0 vinsanity0 is offline
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And this didn't really jump out at me until GalaGirl quoted it separately, but there is no how "should" you feel. There is how you feel, is it good or bad, and how to deal with whatever those feelings are. Remember, there are about as many ways to do poly as there are people who practice it. When you do your research, or read opinions on here, take what you think applies to you and file the rest away.
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Old 10-23-2017, 04:03 PM
annie1978 annie1978 is offline
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thankyou all for your responses in helping me ......they havent had a sexual relationship for many years hence y we initially hooked up, he has suggested we all live together which im not saying is the worst idea but as you have said im not rushing it as my head is pretty mashed at the moment xxxx
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Old 10-23-2017, 04:49 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Is there anything wrong with how you all live apart now? What would living together do/bring about? Do you want to give up having your own space?

Would maintaining the spaces and just going over there on some weekends do just as well?

Maybe this helps:

http://www.kathylabriola.com/article...-live-together

Galagirl
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  #7  
Old 10-27-2017, 04:14 PM
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kdt26417 kdt26417 is offline
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Hi annie1978,

When your partner announced that he wants you to live in a polygamous relationship all three of you, does he actually mean, all four of you? because otherwise, he is discluding your colleague's original partner ... seems unnecessary considering she is happy to let you continue ... something perhaps to clear up ... and also, does he actually mean "live together" when he says "live in a polygamous relationship?" or by live together does he just mean you would be practicing a polygamous relationship together?

I think you should take your time (and get caught up on your sleep), hold off on any big decisions until you are sure of exactly what your (original) partner wants to do.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
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Old 10-27-2017, 04:38 PM
skadhi skadhi is offline
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I thought you both had partners? So where's the fourth person in this?

How does his current partner feel about this idea? Do you know each other? Do they both want a triad ( you would be romantically involved with both) or a V or what? And what about the relationship you were in when this started?

As someone who went to my husband and told him I wanted his best friend that I'd fallen in love with to live with us, I'd say give yourself however much time you need to process this and learn more about poly. He was blindsided.
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  #9  
Old 10-29-2017, 03:00 AM
Meg Meg is offline
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Hi

What is your relationship like with his current partner?

Are they accepting of 'polygamy' and do/have you spoken to them about it?

I am new and maybe should know but do either of you have children?

Meg
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