I'm glad to hear that he texted you ... and that the forum has helped so far. I do agree with you that you should text him when you feel like texting.
It's not a big deal that you backed out. Who wants to have sex with someone they are just not feeling it with. No big deal. It's also no big deal that he is disappointed. That is normal to be disappointed when something doesn't go the way you want, right?
Yes, it's jealousy. Why wouldn't he be excited. That is kind of the whole point. So what is making you feel jealous? Or is it just not a turn on? I don't get turned on seeing a partner with another guy. I'm not sure I'd call that jealousy.
Don't make a game of withholding something your partner likes as a test to see if they "really love" you or not. You are either into it or not. If not, tell him so he can look for that elsewhere if he needs to.
You are correct. A threesome has nothing to do with poly. It's more of a kink. There is no shame in not being into threesomes. If he is only looking to do threesomes and you are not into it then the two of you are not compatible. If he can deal with having vanilla sex with you and maybe doing threesomes with someone else, then maybe a poly relationship would work with him.
Hi Cereal,
It sounds like you're just trying to get things figured out right now. I don't blame you for backing out on the recent girl, you have to find someone you both can be comfortable with. I'm sure a threesome is different from poly, in that, poly has more of an emotional connection.
If a point comes where you know that you are just not made for this, you'll know. There's nothing wrong with wanting to experiment with others.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
I do understand his disappointment of course! What I don't like is that he is pressuring me so much. I am not withholding this from him and I am really into it. I don't like games. I actually get turned on by seeing a partner with another woman,but I haven't done it yet! Thing is, this is so new with the guy and I have developed feelings for him. I want to be sure we're on the same page first, that's all. I find that so simple. After that, we can do anything together and I'll be as excited as he is, possibly more. Him pressuring me this much just shows me that he cares more about the threesomes than how I feel and that's not ok, not when he has showed that he probably shares the same feelings. (Note: we're long distance, how sure can you be?) If he was clear about this being just sex etc, that would be perfect. In my book, when you care about someone you respect them. Right now I feel like I'm being used and that's a HUGE red flag.
Thanks, It's nice to realize I'm not being paranoid. I've been under pressure a lot about this and I hate it. The more he pushes, the further I go.
Thanks for clarifying. That does sound like a huge PITA to have to deal with. That definitely shows you no respect. Very similar to date rape in trying to wear you down like that.
"Really good thing I'm getting out of this is I'm learning to state what I want with honesty."