Copying what I wrote in RP's blog because I'm too lazy to rewrite the parts that are pertinent to mine.
Love you to death RP. Wish I lived closer. It is creepy in a kind of "I don't feel so alone" way how many things are similar in our lives-for YEARS now. Especially considering how little we communicate with one another; our lives seem to be hell bent on reminding us how similar we are. Is that bizarre or what?!
On that note; I'm so very proud of you for prioritizing the little one. I understand first hand how hard it can be when other "responsible" adults choose not to take the level of responsibility that our children deserve. Because I am living it too.
Some days (like this morning)I just want to pack a bag and disappear without a word.
But then, something happens.
This morning, Sweet Pea walked into the room and said "everything ok mom". I looked up and he saw my tear streaked face. He walked over and wrapped his "almost a grown man" arms around me. He's strong now, his arms are so big, not a baby boy any more. He pulled me in close and rocked me as I sobbed. I whispered through my tears "I just can't keep up. I'm sorry." He nodded, I felt his head over mine, "I know mom. It's going to be ok, we'll figure it out."
I try not to break down that way in front of the kids. But the past 6 months have broken me down so far.
The point though is; how can I walk away from that? Here's a young man who "gets it". He GETS the importance of respect, honoring one's commitments, accepting people's differences, loving people THROUGH their shit. He gets it. He gets me.
I can't walk away from that.
And every time I start to think "why am I HERE" because the other adults are hell bent on doing whatever-the-fuck-they want and leaving me carrying the load..... one or the other child walks in and reminds me that I'm not here for the adults. I'm here for the kids. I'm here because they deserve at least one adult who will prioritize THEM and THEIR needs and help them learn to be the best version of themselves-so that when they are adults they have a chance of NOT repeating the mistakes of their parents.
It sucks more often then not RP. I know it.
But with 3 grown and out on their own, 1 who only has 3 years left at home and 1 who still has another 11 years at home:
I do feel like I can confidently say that in a few years LB is going to show you just how awesome you are on a daily basis and show you just how worth all this pain and heartache is.
It IS temporary-the having to do more than your own share. Because LB will start taking on more and more of the work for his own life and you will reap the rewards.
Be patient with yourself.
And give yourself a big squeezy hug from me!