Sailing Solo

Mostly sad. Sad that there is no solution. The sex was bad and I can't take the revolving door of GFs anymore. Ms WP was supposed to be very much done. Last time she visited Prof said he was completely finished. He said she just uses him and then disappears. They must have been in contact for a while to work out the job thing.
There were a few texts. I called at the suggested time and he didn't answer, but texted that meeting went over time. I thought he would return my call, but he didn't. I later texted who call calling who and he replied that I had not thing left to say. Quite true. I thought he wanted to speak to me.
Kind of sad that I failed in yet another relationship. I think I tried everything I could.
 
I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad, but you didn't fail. Please don't tell yourself you failed. You *did* try everything you could, and you *did* tolerate and forgive quite a lot. Sometimes you twisted yourself like a pretzel to try and make it work. I think what it boils down to is basic incompatibility underneath it all. It just didn't work anymore. And some relationships simply have an expiration date, and it's nobody's fault for that.

(((((HUGS)))))
 
Last edited:
Hope it's ok to reply now.

I'm sorry Atlantis. I know you put a lot of work into this relationship and care about him.

I'm also in 'Team Atlantis did not fail'. You tried your best. Sometimes that's not enough.

Internet hugs from me too.
 
I'm also sorry to hear about the latest news. You tried everything you could, so I also agree that this wasn't your fault. Very sorry that you're hurting.
 
Thanks NYC.
I didn't sleep very well last night. Brain racing in circles looking for an answer. Bottom line is incompatibility, you are quiet correct.
I called Kip 2 days ago, to investigate the friends after lovers thing mostly. To see if we could go for lunch or something like people say they can with ex-lovers. He almost straight away asked me for a sex date. Wow. Things haven't changed there with the passage of time. I said no to sex and that I wouldn't be going there with him again. He lost interest pretty quickly. Kind of slimy.
I don't understand how Prof can be friends with just about every ex-lover. I don't know why he can't let them go. The thing with Ms WP got toxic. But bottom line is he picked Ms WP over me. He knew I would be upset but did it anyway. Behavior is communication.
Mr Dom is coming over tonight. I will go down to his for a while tomorrow. He will be working a 4 day shift. That means on call for 96 hours, so he may or may not be able to hang out. He has a date Weds and a lover coming into town for 4 days after that. Looks like I haven't fallen far from the open relationship tree.
It feels a bit quick to see him tonight but then the next chance will not be for over a week. And this is part of the open/poly dating. There is not necessarily a period of being single. I do not feel the urge to get back into dating though. Mr Dom will be fine for now. I want to work on job hunting, fitness and therapy.
 
The day went well. Definitely sad but my mum said time to move on and enjoy Mr Dom. She is going through the period in life when friends and relatives are dropping left, right and center so is very of the attitude that life is short and go have fun. Plus, she has always been terribly practical about relationships, it can be a bit too practical when you want a shoulder to cry on, but, as of yet, no tears for Prof and excited to see Mr Dom.
I left a message with a therapist, I need some help with my mid-life crisis and need to stop laying it all on my lover and friends. Mr Dom said it is typical Atlantis behavior, avoid asking for help even when it is offered freely. I have backed off a little from calling and texting him even though he says he enjoys it. I do find it hard to believe people and have intimacy issues. I will start to write a list for the therapist ;)
Dinner and drinks and hanging out with my BFF tomorrow, can't decide to drive down to Mr D tomorrow night or hang out with Roomie. My cat is still on antibiotics so I need to be hear for the morning.
 
My ass got a whipping last night :D Ropes and restraints and lots of positions. I have a few bruises coming up this morning. So intense. The rolling orgasms, highest high and staying up for ever. He made me get up and make tea while I was still cumming, he does enjoy the domming part.
So the best way to get over one man is get under another ;)
When Prof was here on Weds night I stopped him on the stairs for a blow job. He asked me to stop after a few moments so we could watch tv.
I will not be able to avoid Prof forever but for now I think it is best.
 
Last edited:
Mr Dom admitted to struggling with me seeing other people and having sex with them. He has a first meet set up this week and a GF coming out for a 4 day visit. He understood the weirdness of him being ok doing it but not me. He asked for some time to work on it. He said he feels he is going from 0-100 mph with learning about open relationships. Talking to him sometimes feels like hearing the things that Prof tried to say but with Prof the blame was put on me. However, Mr Dom takes full responsibility for how he feels and is very open about sharing it.
The brakes will go on from either tonight or tomorrow and I wont see him for a week. I am probably going to see Jay on Weds, I think Weds night will be sad and weird and having some company will be helpful and distracting. It is Prof like behavior, recycling the previous lovers. I understand now a little why he does it. Keep some company on hand. But I will be ok in a week or 2. I will fill in Weds with gym and me time.
I made contact with a therapist, had a brief chat on the phone, and will schedule via email.
It is hard not to contact Prof. I would tell him that I think I understand he didn't want me to date and to keep me for him, like property, but he wanted the freedom for himself. And because I wouldn't comply he was hurt and lashed out in subtle and not so subtle ways.
This nothing you all haven't been saying for a long time. Took me a while to catch up.
 
285

I picked up the kids and they are so upset and fighting and the older breaks down and says he doesn't want to stay with Daddy for 3 nights and why does he have to, he misses me and wanted to spend the day at home. Breaks my heart. I had contacted Prof earlier in the day. There is a financial something that needs sorting out before I moved on a second part. I missed my kids, I miss Prof. I very nearly broke down in tears. But I cannot do this style of relationship with him anymore, I just can't.
Mr Dom needs a new name. I will think about it. Things are so good there. We ended up staying together all 3 nights of the weekend. We are about 50 minutes apart on traffic light days. I came home in the day on Saturday to get things done and went back later. We spent 2 mornings in bed, laughing, sex and banter. I have asked Prof for this for weeks/months and got the "too busy" brush off.
Mr Dom is clear about what he wants moving forward in regards to time and freedom. He is more into seeing me a lot than I anticipated. He is not a workaholic and it is strange to experience someone with a lot of time that they want to spend with me. My self-esteem is, in many ways, pretty low right now.
 
Some emailing with Prof. He is really angry at me which is hilarious.
I thought I might get some small apology from him for the blindside ( I didn't ask for one ) but I have called him out on the timing of his news flash though. I think he did it on purpose. He said I was unreasonable for shouting, being " abusive " then leaving. He asked me how much time I had before the newsflash. I said 10 minutes before I have to leave. I am the first manager there at work in the morning and covering for 2 absent people, he knew that. He had all night to tell me and about an hour in the morning before the 10 minutes to go question. He did to me what I do to him. Payback is a bitch, right? But he did it as payback, I do it because I am nervous and have consciously been working on not doing it since he pointed it out.
I think he wanted me to break it off with him. It was a set up. And even if it wasn't then enough of the passive aggressive BS.
I did apologize for calling him an asshole. It was rude, totally deserved, but rude.
All the stages of grief in one handy blog. I am onto anger.
 
I'm a bit confused, so sorry if I missed something, but I guess I thought the "I'm done" talk meant you had ended it with Prof? Is that not the case? Did you just back out of the monogamy thing and that's it? Not judging, just trying to make sure I actually follow what you're saying!
 
I am done with Prof but we need to meet about finances. I wish I had left the down time a little longer but I was worried and I rushed it. The conversation on the previous page was actually a couple of emails, we haven't spoken in person. I don't why I am surprised that he changed the focus of the argument from Ms WP and her next reappearance to how how badly I took the news. I wish he would 'fess up to some of the stuff he does but I see now that he won't. He needs to be right more than I do.
I keep reminding myself of the bad sex. Kind of glad I haven't locked myself into that.
Mr Dom may pop round to see me after his meet n' greet tomorrow.
I have an offer to meet Jay too, he said he is on his last round of divorce mediation and is in a better place to work on scheduling. I have no particular desire to stay home and mope when I could get some sex and a cocktail, but it would be fine if I did stay home too.
 
I am done with Prof but we need to meet about finances.
Do you mean the finances regarding the house? If so, I understand the need to straighten finances out, but maybe you could give yourself a bit more time before interacting with him again, so you have the space to feel free. And since he always knows how to do a number on you, blame you, guilt you, etc., if I were you I'd try to be careful not to get into a convo with him too soon, or while you're upset. Is it possible for you to do the 40-days-with-no-contact thing that a lot of people have tried? I think it was something that Opalescent wrote about and it has helped others here. Just one option that could be helpful to you.

I have no particular desire to stay home and mope when I could get some sex and a cocktail . . .
I like this attitude! Sex + cocktail(s) beats moping at home, anytime!


.
 
Last edited:
Therapist was good.
Communication with Mr Dom is textbook perfect. He picks up the phone when I call, he calls me too. We text and send pics at an agreed upon rate. No email; I am more than fine with that. He was driving on his way to his date. We took the time to talk about relationship expectations. He is going on a 3 day weekend starting tomorrow. I already know this. He has talked about the person a few times. I know her name and some background. He has planned a really good trip for them, I think she will have a great time. ( Mr Dom apparently loves to travel, to plan travel, and to Groupon. ) I chipped in a few ideas too. He said he wants to do something with me as soon as we have the weekend free. We talked about texting and talking on the phone and both clear that pretty much 0 will occur. I don't feel the need to as I know where he will be. I would ask for the same space too, if I had a weekend away.
We are very clear and very much in agreement on what things need to look like. He tells me frequently that it is ok to be me.
Is it just me? NRE? Or is this how it should be? Yes, I need help with decision making and help with asking for help ;)
 
Last edited:
I don't think it's just you. Just my opinion, but your relationship with The Dom seems much more healthy and fulfilling than your relationship with Prof ever did....
 
Mr Dom came round after his date last night. Would you believe me if I said she turned out to be one of Prof's former play partners? They did not hit off for future dates but she did extend an invite into the local Kink community which he will accept and explore.

Prof is hitting low with the passive aggressive emails. His continued use of the word "abuse" is annoying. I can tell him what abuse looks like and it is not calling him an "asshole" once. He is also angry that I "blew him off" last night. I feel 1 morning voicemail and 1 follow up text does not constitute blowing him off. But I am not getting sucked in. I have apologized for the name calling and reiterated that I think this is for the best.
If Prof decides to sell the house out from under me as payback then that is ok, not my first choice but the kids and I will be fine.

Mr Dom is going to help me with curtain rails on my big window and some basics in the garden. He likes a dark bedroom and is prepared to put in the effort to make it work. I gave him a budget and he said he will go today and find rails. He also wants to plan a weekend away for next weekend.
We talked for ages again last night about relationships. I was very touched that he came round to spend the night. I am on the way to the airport where he collects Ms Work from but he could have gone home after his date last night.
He almost wouldn't fuck me last night, said I treat sex like crack and didn't think I was in the mental place to enjoy it. He was wrong :) but how great that he cared enough to suggest it. The sex was great, lots of orgasms and I had a really good night's sleep afterwards. The twisted stomach feeling is mostly gone.

Thank you for the posts of support. The regular readers have probably the clearest idea of how things were and are and I appreciate the input.
 
Funny how it's abuse when you call him an asshole 1 time and apologize, and yet he had that whole slapping incident. Ugh. You will be much better off without him. I'm just glad that you're able to spend time with Mr. Dom and be treated well by someone to see that it can be better!

Heck, if you're in a house that Prof owns, it's probably better to consider finding a new place to live anyway so that you can just completely cut him from your life. At least if he can't be an adult about the break-up.

Either way, I'm glad you're feeling better and focusing on you and just working on being happy and well.
 
I couldn't afford to buy a tent around here. I am completely priced out of the market and not allowed to move due to the parenting plan, but I appreciate the idea. I would be looking at $2500 + for a 2 bed apartment.
There were some emails with Prof again today. He is fairly angry and blames the entire break up on me and for that one incident. As you say Breathemusic, there was a whole lot more going on than simply that. I offered that he join me in counseling for 1-2 sessions to work on a gentle separation as this is a small town and I will run him into fairly regularly. My BFF lives virtually across the street and he looking a starting a business kitty-corner from my work. It would be nice to be able to say hi in the street, but I am not going to take 100% of the blame.
Now I can't hang at Prof's house before I get the kids I have to go hang at the gym. time to get back into working out mid-week and not just weekends.
 
Sorry that things suck right now but you have done your absolute best to make things work with Prof. They just aren't and while it's hard times just now, I'm absolutely certain that you're making the right choice.

It seems from following your blog as if you have been getting increasingly unsure of yourself, your confidence seems worn down - and much of that seems to come from Prof's attempts to control your dating and sex life that doesn't involve him. I think good to be out of it and hope you are feeling more like your old self soon.
 
Back
Top