Husbands first date

confusedtink

New member
Hi everyone.

The husband is out on his first date. I'm nervous, excited, envious, and happy for him all at once. :) I'm hoping everything goes well with them and they hit it off. They've been talking for a while, but are finally meeting in person tonight. Just wanted to share.

Tink
 
Hi Tink,

Hope all goes well with your evening - and that you made sure you were ready with distractions whatever that might be for you. My wife just went out on her first overnight last week - so I relate. I made sure I have my favorite whiskey, favorite novel, and favorite movie at hand. I also spent a couple of hours on the phone with an old friend who stays up late (said my wife was away on business) - and that helped a lot.

Best,

Al
 
Hi Tink,

Hope all goes well with your evening - and that you made sure you were ready with distractions whatever that might be for you. My wife just went out on her first overnight last week - so I relate. I made sure I have my favorite whiskey, favorite novel, and favorite movie at hand. I also spent a couple of hours on the phone with an old friend who stays up late (said my wife was away on business) - and that helped a lot.

Best,

Al

It is interesting that you view the evening as something to "get through". Tink is exhibiting what we call compersion, which is finding happiness in your partner being happy. Do you think you could ever be excited for your wife?
 
Actually, I was able to experience the happiness of compersion on my wife's first overnight. I recently related the story on the Introductions section ("Unexpected Poly"). After I was finally able to achieve the paradigm shift that allowed me to begin to embrace the poly concept, I was genuinely excited for her experience - encouraged her and even retrieved the overnight bag from the closet for her. :) I was, however, still concerned that after our daughter was in bed, and it was just me , that I might have regrets and apprehension - so I took the advice that I've seen repeated several times in what poly literature I have read, and made sure that I was prepared to stay distracted. It turned out that it really wasn't necessary as I was able to stay focused on what a good time she must be having. I did get edgy a few times but refocusing helped. But I still enjoyed a drink, catching up with an old friend, and closing the evening with a good book. I even made it a point to have roses waiting for her on her return the next evening for dinner - I felt very fortunate to have been able to have that compersion experience - but was still glad that I followed the prudent advice to be prepared for less than that. And would advise others to do the same - if you don't really need the distractions, you can still make a nice evening for yourself and enjoy them anyway.

Best to all,

Al
 
Hi Al,
Yes I definitely had things to keep me busy. I'm a mom with kids in the house still lol. I won't lie. There was some anxiety and stil is. They are setting up their next date already. I had a bit of a blow to my chest. You know that feeling when your chest clenches? It was that, but I know those are just physiological responses I have because I'm not used to sharing his time. I know I am overall happy and excited for him. She is a good match for him in ways I am not and to see him so happy makes me thrilled. I just have to learn to manage my anxiety. I know where a lot of it lies and that is worrying he'll get hurt. He seems tough, but he truly is a softy. Thank you guys.

Tink
 
Hi Tink,

Sounds like things went alright with that first date; that's good to hear. I hope things go even better with the second date.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Congrats to both of you on what seems like a reasonably good start!
 
Hi Tink,

Hope all goes well with your evening - and that you made sure you were ready with distractions whatever that might be for you. My wife just went out on her first overnight last week - so I relate. I made sure I have my favorite whiskey, favorite novel, and favorite movie at hand. I also spent a couple of hours on the phone with an old friend who stays up late (said my wife was away on business) - and that helped a lot.

Best,

Al

My husband spent a weekend away; I think two nights was a bit too much for me, especially since I have yet to meet her. Friday was the hardest night, Saturday was a lot easier. I, of course, was happy him, but I'm able to feel more than one emotion at a time- so amongst the happiness there was apprehension and anxiousness.
 
My husband spent a weekend away; I think two nights was a bit too much for me, especially since I have yet to meet her. Friday was the hardest night, Saturday was a lot easier. I, of course, was happy him, but I'm able to feel more than one emotion at a time- so amongst the happiness there was apprehension and anxiousness.

Same here.. I feel many emotions at a time... sometimes it sucks because you have to sort out which feeling is the one causing the trouble of it's more than one troublesome and string emotion.

Thank you Kevin. They have their second date set up already. We talked through my anxiety when he got home so I think it will start to subside now.

Tink
 
Sounds like you're getting things worked out.
 
There are growing pains for sure, but overall I'm loving how excited and happy he is, which in return makes me happy. Things are a bit harder for me to process right now because of my monthly hormonal imbalance 😂, but I know it's contributed to some of my anxiety and such. We do talk it out though and that's been great.

Tink
 
Update

Hi Kevin and anyone else interested.

Tomorrow I am meeting my metamour. Which is good. I have been so very worried and nervous that she isn't going to like me which has been the huge reason for my anxiety. I know not everyone has to like each other, but to me it is important because if we truly were not to get along I fear my husband would not continue on with her or anyone else. That is the last thing I want. I have asked him and he gives me a vague it depends on the situation. Basically how bad it is if it came to that.

He is positive she will like me. I already like her cuz of how she's made my husband feel. I did message her and tell her that. He said she liked me already because of that. While that's all well and good it won't leave my mind till we meet and if I'm honest I may likely question that from time to time. My husband will also be meeting his metamour and he's as cool as a cucumber. Go figure. We're always opposite with these things. Doing my best to not make him nervous. So that's that for now.

Tink
 
Good luck with tomorrow's meet.
 
Thank you. It went great. My possible connection not so much, but I should've know better.
 
Well I'm glad it basically worked out.
 
I probably should've been more clear. 😀 I really like my husbands girlfriend. She seemed to like me too. So that's great. What didn't work out was a connection I thought I was working on with another guy, but I should've known better. So the thing that was worrying me turned out wonderfully.
 
Ah, I was wondering what that connection was that you spoke of. Sorry that part didn't work out, but at least the thing you were worried about did.
 
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