Relationship advice?

Hi! I'm very new to posting these sort of things online, but I'm kind of in a bind. I've been in a relationship with my significant other for almost 2 years now, and I do see a future with them, but at the same time I'm just starting my life and I cant seem to stop thinking about other options. I've developed a bit of a crush on my friend, and on my coworker, and I feel bad for feeling this way but I just cant help it. I don't know if this is normal or not, but I'm just now starting my life and getting control of my anxiety and I feel like I don't want to miss out on the college life. My current relationship is the only one I've been in and I'm just craving a variety even though I'm not unhappy in my relationship. I almost feel like I met my partner too early, like I should have met them after I got all this wild stuff out of the way. But I feel like I might lose them if I try to move forward. Infidelity is out of the question (obviously) but if I'm in a relationship and THINKING about someone else it just feels just as bad. I dont know what to do, or how to bring up the idea of an open relationship, or taking a break or something. It's not that I don't love them, I just feel like I could have fun and love other people at the same time in the most innocent way possible. It doesnt seem wrong to me but I just don't know how to go about it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
 
I've developed a bit of a crush on my friend, and on my coworker, and I feel bad for feeling this way but I just cant help it. I don't know if this is normal or not, but I'm just now starting my life and getting control of my anxiety and I feel like I don't want to miss out on the college life.

At your stage of life, not having interest in a number of people would be unusual. Mother Nature relies on young adults to keep the species going! What you're feeling is as normal as life gets. How to handle it is another matter, but your feelings are bubbling up right on cue.
 
Is is hard when you're very young... I am guessing you're 19, correct me if I am wrong... and you've got a nice partner, but at the same time, your eye wanders, your emotions rise, your libido is insistent. I went through the exact same thing at your age. I'd been dating from age 16-19, having gone through 11 lovers, when I met a guy who I really clicked with. We started a relationship, and I didn't want to lose him, but I still got crushes on other people and would have been happier dating more people while being able to keep my bf as well.

But he was very jealous and so I forced myself into a monogamy that didn't really suit me. I even married him, and we had a 30 year marriage.

I don't know how brave you are. When I was young it was the 1970s and I didn't have any social support for my poly nature. The term polyamory didn't even exist. There were swingers who had polysexual relationships, but even the "Free Love" movement was dying by then and hippies were "settling down."

I recommend being true to yourself. Some poly people do manage to live happily in a closed relationship. My ex h and I were not happy around that aspect though, it was always the elephant in the room.

Only you can decide if taking the plunge is worth the chance of losing your bf. Maybe he is secretly poly too, or willing to live in a mono/poly relationship. You will never know unless you start the conversation. Good luck!
 
What you are going through is very normal. I met my ex when we were 17. We ended up splitting up a few years later for over a year because i needed to explore the single dating life and living alone.
 
Thanks everyone for the advice. I suppose there really is no easy way to deal with it, but I appreciate the validation, It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one out there having feelings like this :)
 
Also, just wondering if anyone has any ideas on how to bring up maybe having an open relationship without making my significant other feeling like I'm not happy with them too, and just looking for ways to deal with the possibility of being polyamorous? I never really thought I'd end up in this situation, and I'm a little unsure how to act on it. My significant other and I have always been very open with each other, but they've had many more relationships than I have whereas this is my only point of reference. I know we're a good match but if i ignore these feelings now, I might end up feeling unfulfilled. And if I decide to stick to the monogomous relationship, I'll just feel eternal guilt for having these feelings so constantly. I don't want to break up, I just want to date more people, but then I feel selfish for saying that. I don't want to be a terrible person for feeling something I can't control... Again if anyone has any advice to offer I'd greatly appreciate it. :confused:
 
Hi ConfusedPineapple,

Re (from OP):
"I don't know what to do, or how to bring up the idea of an open relationship, or taking a break or something."

There's no easy way to do that that I can think of. The best I can suggest is to say, "Honey, I was wondering if we could try an open relationship. How do you feel about that?" Your significant other may or may not want to do that. Sometimes in life we have to make difficult choices. :(

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
You're not selfish or a terrible person. I thought I was too, I thought I was bad for not being naturally monogamous, but some of us are just wired this way, and it's not a good or bad thing to be either way!

It's best to be true to oneself. Then you can find people who are also like you. Polyamorous relationships are becoming more popular. If you join OK Cupid dating site, you'll find plenty of people who will want to date you with this kind of arrangement. I'm way older than you and get multiple messages every day from interested men.
 
Embrace poly young! Save yourself years of serial monogamy because of the cultural expectation to break up with A before going out with B.
 
Could continue being this:

My significant other and I have always been very open with each other,

Nothing wrong with what you wrote. Just tweaked the order a bit:

I never really thought I'd end up in this situation, and I'm a little unsure how to act on it. Please listen all the way before you respond.

I am happy with you. I am just looking for ways to deal with the possibility of being polyamorous and deal with my feelings. I don't want to break up, I just want to date more people. You have had many more relationships than I have whereas this is my only point of reference. I know we're a good match but if i ignore these feelings now, I might end up feeling unfulfilled. And if I decide to stick to the monogomous relationship, without sorting this out, I think I'll just feel eternal guilt for having these feelings so constantly. Could you be willing to continue dating me even as I date other people?​

See if they are willing first. Then have the rest of the conversations. It doesn't have to be all in one sitting either.

Any relationship has to be able to weather Life up and downs to go long haul -- you are not static. You are a living, breathing, ever changing human being.

If they are not willing, then you have the conversations to end it amicably. It's not fun to do, but better than forcing either one of you to be something you are not.

Galagirl
 
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Just wanted to add, you're unable to "make" your bf (or anyone) feel anything. Everyone feels what they feel. He might feel XYZ upon hearing what you say. That is on him. It's not your responsibility to do everything in your power, including keeping secrets, to prevent him from feeling one emotion or another.

You can be kind and tactful in the way you present him with expressing YOUR feelings. But you do not need to go on feeling bad yourself (for years or decades) just to prevent him from having a negative feeling! That makes no sense.

Of course, I went this route, and I couldn't completely hide it when I got crushes, and my ex felt bad anyway, because he could always tell. We'd have both been better off (I think, in hindsight) if I'd been upfront with my feelings in the first place.
 
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