Poly/BDSM Intersection?

At least my research shows that polyamory and BD/SM are correlated. Polyamory also correlates with other sexual / contact issues, like homo/bi sexuality and having masturbated in public (and in fact also with flashing).

What "research" is this? Homo/bi-sexuality is not a "sexual/contact" issue, it's a orientation. I see just as many straight people engaging in polyamory as gay or bi, and I meet just as many gay/bi folk who would never entertain the thought. I would argue there is absolutely no correlation. And as for masturbation in public and flashing correlating with poly, where on earth did you get that idea? Flashing and masturbating in public, forcing people to watch you be sexual WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT is a form of sickness. I'd argue it's more closely related to rape than consensual BSDM practices. Either way, I don't see how it's related to polyamory in any way.
 
At least my research shows that polyamory and BD/SM are correlated. Polyamory also correlates with other sexual / contact issues, like homo/bi sexuality and having masturbated in public (and in fact also with flashing).
(completely missed this post earlier for some reason...)

What research. I'd really like to know.

Polyamory "correlates" with those things the same way that Monogamy does.

Poly people can be straight, bi, or gay
Mono people can be straight, bi, or gay

Poly people can be into BDSM
Mono people can be into BDSM

Poly people can be into public masturbation (hopefully only in a willing group... like at a "Lifestyle" event)
Mono people can be into public masturbation (hopefully only in a willing group... like at a "Lifestyle" event)

And, for the record, there's no legitimate research that shows homo/bi-sexuality is a "contact issue"... because it's not. It's a sexual orientation that one is born with (there may be some Religious propaganda "research" that says it's a "contact issue"... but everyone knows how reliable propaganda is...)
 
Re (from OP):
"I'm new here and I don't want to breach etiquette, but how many here are in or have been in Dom/sub or Dom/sub/sub relationships?"

I got nothin'. Completely vanilla here. I've certainly met people who were poly and BDSM (D/s seems to be especially prevalent), and I've met others who were poly and vanilla. It's really hard to say which group is the larger, it might be 50/50.
 
Wow, I found this on accident...

This is the first Poly relationship I have been involved in, go figure right.. Renee and Mark had their reasons for moving from their more traditional marriage. One of them was the fact. That are both really strong personalites, they are both ver assertive, and maybe being too much alike was perfict at the start if their marriage.. Like shared wants, and goals, because it worked for awhile. At some point they changed and where there used to be like compromise. One strong will would not just compromise, they wanted to push back. Then their marriage ended up in a bad place, all this is not sex but it's a major part of it. Mark ended up finding a more plyable partner, Renee found out and it almost runied their marriage.

To be fair, how would you feel if you said. "Let's boil the water then add the pasta." Then your partner said "No, no you turn the nob on the stove fill the pot with water, boil it and than add salt then the pasta." If that happend everyday 3 or 4 times a day you would go crazy. I have seen the 2 of them go at it over stuff like that. Now I do the cooking. when someone says this is how you do it. I say sure I can do it like that.. (Then I do it my way...lol) on a differnt note just think if that was sex, my gosh they are luck to have 2 children.

Where was I, oh I might have sort of a submissive side and I do enjoy making the people around me happy. Renee is pretty assertive and knows what she wants.. I am not sure if that's a proper D/S relatinship but I know I am very happy where I am. Mark has told me that Renee is happier now than at any point in their marrage, he has also said he is very happy.. So if my idea of submission is smoothing out the road for everyone I guess that's not so bad...

I wonder if that made sense to anyone but me?
 
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So, you see yourself as a submissive person in Renee's life?

What about Mark, is he interested in getting involved with a submissive person?
 
From talking to Mark..

I see myself as a person who does not mind compermising for the woman I love. With all the pressure from school, (when we met I worked 2 jobs) life in general, soccer, social life. When I am with the woman I love I feel more comfortable letting her take the lead. Some of that leading took some getting used to and I now enjoy. An example of that would be our first weekend away with each other we stopped for a few "toys" 2 items Renee purchased were 2 feeldoes (1 not as wide as the other. Both for Renee to use with me) I know from conversations with both Mark and Renee he is not going to let anyone woman or man push anything into him. Another way Renee's assertiveness comes out, was/is a turn on right from the start. She likes to pick out what I am going to wear for the day be it for a soccer game, class, or just running errands.. Now I don't stand in my closet for 45 minutes a day stressing over it. Now people tell me I have great fashion sense lol (I am a regular girly girl)

Having never really talked to any of the people Mark is with on that level I don't know but I would think he would want someone with a more submissive side...
 
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Sorry everyone

We just took this way off the bdsm rails.. My point was I don't really think of our relationship as a D/S thing.. I know it's not a bdsm thing.. But I don't know that much about bdsm to talk about it.
 
Heh. Well if I lead you, that'll be like the blind leading the blind. :)
 
I like to think happess is the destination

Right now trunk or treat is my destination.. So cold I don't think we will be there long.. The Renee and Mark are going to take the boys to their parents. (It's their datenight) I am going to a halloween party with some friends.. Soccer tomorrowl
 
The nob on the stove?

To be fair, how would you feel if you said. "Let's boil the water then add the pasta." Then your partner said "No, no you turn the nob on the stove fill the pot with water, boil it and than add salt then the pasta."

What if the nob on the stove says he has a headache? Doesn't the nob get in the way of the pot and cooking?

Now could you ask them about adding the salt before the water is boiling?
No, oil to help the pasta from sticking to each other?

I mean no salt in the pasta water, the first person is clearly a git. If they are cooking the pasta, I'm not coming for dinner.

I always turn the stove on after the pot is filled with water with the salt added, but I'm trying to save energy.

Now back to topic poly and BDSM do not mix, except when the moon is in one of its phases, but I keep forgetting which one. It's probably the other one, but it keep getting in the wrong line for guides.

But to be safe, blindfold everyone and just tell them it was just a movie on TV.

I for one think the talk of homosexual, bisexual and heterosexual sexual contact is just shocking, possibly beyond belief. And all this talk of vanilla, ok in a bath and maybe when making cookies, but really coffee ice cream while discussing tax shelters with a tax accountant in the fires of hell is all that I think should be allowed, in polite company.

Where did I out my hot pink angora sweater, its convo sounds like it might be getting deep

NYCyndie there was a guy called Kinsey and this married couple, but used the last names Masters & Johnson (so I am guessing these were metaphorical pseudonyms) who found the majority of couples did some sort of BDSM at some point in their relationships, but hopefully is was all done in a darkroom, locked doors, curtains drawn and there was no sexual contact

Now once we see the Pope dressed in some black stockings and garter belt (his stocking seams had best be Straight) taking a whip to one of his Cardinals in front of the altar at St Pete's, maybe a bit of touching below the neck might be allowed, but really people.

Have some decorum or deco rem
 
Orientation?

What "research" is this? Homo/bi-sexuality is not a "sexual/contact" issue, it's a orientation.

I think this comes under NSEW. Though personally it prefer NESW, and those people who go for NWSE just cannot be taken seriously. Nor given any cereal, they have it completely backwards. Certainly hope none of them is having any sort of contact.

But one of my daughters snuck a Girl's Generation into my iPad and shuffle obviously shuffled me. I am totally Korean bubblegum right now.

Whoa, followed by John Prine, now the Great pumpkin does have a sense if humor.
 
Oh yeah, NWSE FTW! I would sooo go for that. And everyone always takes me seriously. But I wouldn't take it with my cereal, so that's kind of my secret.
 
You guys make me smile

If that was your goal... It worked
 
You and Mark?

This is the first Poly relationship I have been involved in, go figure right..

How is your relationship with Mark?

You have the love of Renee in common and liking girls.

I love all my forum brothers and sisters so far. Love and understanding for more than one partner makes you very special people who I would love to talk with.
 
My relationship with Mark

We try to spend time together during the week. Sometimes it's going out for beers or it might be just watching tv in the living room, whatever we talk.

Because Renee and I do not exist in a vacum, there are 3 other people in this relationship, for it to work, Mark needs to know he can approach me about anything, the door works both ways. I also have a need to be liked so that pushes me to like be a friend to everyone. I know that is unrealistic but it's there.
 
Anything?

Mark needs to know he can approach me about anything, .

I think the use of "anything" is clearly suspect. I mean he obviously did not feel he could approach you about the pungent panties he got all crusty and ditched in j7&j9's hamper!

I'll bet you even refused that thoughtful tonsil massage he offered to fix your sprained ankle.

This door? Does it go the other way?

I mean my Chinese Christmas light say clearly on the package for Indoor and Outdoor Use, not for the Other Use.
 
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Titled: you guys make me smile
If that was your goal... It worked

Could you lift your hem a little higher? I can't see your smile clearly.
 
Anything

Quote:
Originally Posted by Middlegirl
Mark needs to know he can approach me about anything, .
I think the use of "anything" is clearly suspect. I mean he obviously did not feel he could approach you about the pungent panties he got all crusty and ditched in j7&j9's hamper!

I'll bet you even refused that thoughtful tonsil massage he offered to fix your sprained ankle.

This door? Does it go the other way?

I mean my Chinese Christmas light say clearly on the package for Indoor and Outdoor Use, not for the Other Use.


I felt like I could have told him about it. I also felt I knew him will enough to know what his reaction would have been.

I think he would have been disappointed that someone went into my room and took something that didnot belong to them. That would have been the issue. What happend after that would have been a different issue. Both issues would have been addressed, and I would look like the person who told on someone. That's not a no win, but it's close..


So I didn't bring it up...

The other stuff never really came up. He can play tonsil hockey with Renee or anyone else lol.

I am not a fan of Christmas lights, I don't like having to untangle the ones from last year.
 
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