So, I'm not sure if this is a poly/mono issue or if this is a married-eleven-years/dating issue... but either way, I'm having an issue.
You ever get that feeling, deep in your bones, that something is -wrong-? And you need to fix it, or warn someone, but you don't know what it is? I've been having that feeling for about five hours now. I took a long walk; I tried eating; nothing is helping. For all I know, it might just be a headache, but it feels like something bad is going to happen, close by. Maybe to family, I don't know. Last time I got this feeling was four years ago when a bunch of us all got 'laid off' at the same time.
So, slightly worried but trying not to show it, I sent out quick texts to the people I cared about checking up on them. Everyone's good; the STBX has seen me go through this feeling before and just asked I check on the kids at the playground (They were good), and my girlfriend... well, I love her. She offered to drop what she was doing and pick me up so we could talk.
And I know that would work. Just being with her makes me feel better. But this weekend was supposed to be family time for her, and I... I have to learn to take care of myself. I need to remember what it's like to live on my own, deal with my own problems. Because I can't be yanking her away from other relationships just because I'm having a bad day.
I'm beginning to see the attraction to being poly. If you need to talk to someone you care about, and one isn't available, then there's others you can talk to. Part of me finds itself wishing that I had more than one person in my life I could open up to, that I could just cuddle with and talk. And the rest of me is... Angry at me? For having this wonderful woman and thinking it's not enough. For being unable to accept that she can't be in my life whenever I want her to be.
I think I may have stretched my mind too far, and it's beginning to bounce back. Just gotta make sure it doesn't spring back too far here. I like the shape it's getting into, I'd like it to stay that way.
You ever get that feeling, deep in your bones, that something is -wrong-? And you need to fix it, or warn someone, but you don't know what it is? I've been having that feeling for about five hours now. I took a long walk; I tried eating; nothing is helping. For all I know, it might just be a headache, but it feels like something bad is going to happen, close by. Maybe to family, I don't know. Last time I got this feeling was four years ago when a bunch of us all got 'laid off' at the same time.
So, slightly worried but trying not to show it, I sent out quick texts to the people I cared about checking up on them. Everyone's good; the STBX has seen me go through this feeling before and just asked I check on the kids at the playground (They were good), and my girlfriend... well, I love her. She offered to drop what she was doing and pick me up so we could talk.
And I know that would work. Just being with her makes me feel better. But this weekend was supposed to be family time for her, and I... I have to learn to take care of myself. I need to remember what it's like to live on my own, deal with my own problems. Because I can't be yanking her away from other relationships just because I'm having a bad day.
I'm beginning to see the attraction to being poly. If you need to talk to someone you care about, and one isn't available, then there's others you can talk to. Part of me finds itself wishing that I had more than one person in my life I could open up to, that I could just cuddle with and talk. And the rest of me is... Angry at me? For having this wonderful woman and thinking it's not enough. For being unable to accept that she can't be in my life whenever I want her to be.
I think I may have stretched my mind too far, and it's beginning to bounce back. Just gotta make sure it doesn't spring back too far here. I like the shape it's getting into, I'd like it to stay that way.