I'm not going to vanish
I'll be stalking you and Rider for as long as you're writing!!
And I'll always be poly-by-proxy, Steph and Andy will be together forever. I may even blog some occasionally, I just can't keep chronicling the ups and downs of Dag. It gets me too focused on the one part of my life that isn't going so well, and I lose sight of all the good stuff. I need to just let things with Dag be whatever they're going to be, and that's soooo much easier to do when I chill the fuck out about it
Mostly I just need to remember that I have an amazing husband, wonderful friends, work I love, the world's cutest dogs, dreams I'm working toward every day... That's enough. If I can't (or just don't want to) juggle a second relationship, that's ok.
It's hard sometimes to be here, and see how hard everyone works on their relationships, and not wonder what's wrong with me, that I could just walk away from mine. It's hard to hear "all my partners are equally loved and important", and not feel guilty that I could give up Dag, but could never, ever, ever, ever lose Andy. And sometimes it's just hard to be surrounded by folks who love deeply in all manner of crazy situations, and be the weirdo who prefers boring marriage, and not feel emotionally stunted.
So I'm just going to let things settle a little, and see where a relationship with Dag lands on my priority list once I've stopped obsessively blogging about him. Maybe we'll be friends, maybe we'll stay lovers, who knows. But I need to figure out what *I* want, without worrying about what people will think or whether I'll be judged harshly for it.