I feel for you with those truths. They suck. It's hard to say anything meaningful though.
If she isn't my friend, they meet somewhere else? I expect him to reaffirm how I feel about a starting relationship.
You may want to offer her respect and consideration, but you be able to have respect and consideration back.
Maybe here, I can offer a little shift of expectations. Poly or not, if someone is my friend, I still expect her to ask my consent/get my stance if she has some interest in my guy. Not that I have the decisive power, but I expect her to show basic consideration by finding out where I stand and taking that into account when contemplating a relationship. (Meta was an acquitance of mine, so I did just that in the beginnig - at that time, I wouldn't proceed if I wasn't invited.) If she's not capable of that? I can judge her unworthy of my friendship and support, poly or not.Now... I am trying to navigate a world where it's ok if a girl suddenly decided she wants to share my guy. Where the expectation is that I'll embrace her, welcome her, and offer up half my dude's time and energy because love. Or at the very least, view her as a person whose desire to have a relationship with my guy is valid and deserving of respect and consideration. It makes me fear other women. Avoid them. It sucks and I miss female friendship, but there it is.
If she isn't my friend, they meet somewhere else? I expect him to reaffirm how I feel about a starting relationship.
You may want to offer her respect and consideration, but you be able to have respect and consideration back.