Adventures of Amarna

Amarna

New member
This all seems like one big, new adventure to me, hence the title. :) Mainly I think this will be a good way to process my feelings and thoughts as the evolve in this new chapter of my life.

I guess I'll start with a little about myself and my relationship(s). I've been married to my husband--let's call him Mechanic, as he loves to fix things--for nearly 10 years now, together 11 total. We have two children together, girls ages 9 and 3 whom we home school.

I'm currently unemployed and Mechanic works part time, we are both looking for full time work and whoever finds it first will be the main breadwinner so to speak while the other primarily stays home with the kids. We both hope that he finds work as I would greatly enjoy being a stay at home, homeschooling mom but for practicality's sake I'm also willing to work if that's what's best for the family.

We recently decided to open our relationship after lots of discussion. I brought the topic up to my husband after months of reading about polyamory and soul searching. I was raised in a very Christian home and until a couple years ago when I made a friend who is herself poly I had never so much as considered it or even knew about it as an alternative to the typical.

Mechanic and I married very young and he is really the only long term relationship or real relationship that I've had. I want to connect with other people and explore deep and yes, romantic, relationships with other people and feel that it's important to my personal growth to pursue that at this point in my life. Mechanic was open to the idea for himself but struggled (and still does at times) with the idea of me having a relationship with someone outside of himself. He's done a lot of inner self work in the past few weeks and has sought help from others that he trusts to talk things over with. He's come to understand that I do still very much love him but need to experience different relationships at this point in my life.

He's gone on one date with a lady so far but has decided to forgo further dating for the moment until he gets a better idea of where he stands and what he wants from a relationship at this time.

More on me to come in another post that seems better suited to standing on it's own.
 
Mechanic and I had decided to put everything on hold for awhile with poly while he sorted out his feelings but after a few days he told me that he felt he was in a better place with the idea and I decided to start putting myself out there.

I messaged a nice guy--let's call him Gamer--on OKC for about a week and we then exchanged phone numbers and decided to meet. Mechanic says that after that first date I came home floating, lol. It did go really well and we've continued to chat nearly every day since and have gone out once more with another date scheduled tomorrow that I am so looking forward to. We've got an uncanny amount of stuff in common and I'm excited to see where things go.

Since I can only share with so many people right now and they all seem to have other things going on that are big deals and the focus of our conversations for the moment I want to write down what happened on date two here so I can gush a bit without oversharing with Mechanic and making him uncomfortable.

On each of my dates with Gamer we've gone to restaurants and then for long walks in the park as it's an activity we both love. On our second date he was just the cutest. He remarked (rather disappointed it seemed) at the lack of benches and when we found one and sat he asked very nervously with hands shaking (we're both shy people and he even more than me it seems, which is really new to me, lol) if he could hold my hand, I said of course and we just kind of sat there holding hands, eventually with his arm around me, my head on his shoulder for some time. We then continued walking, still holding hands and stopped to watch some fireflies and cuddle some more. We held hands all the way back to the cars. <3

I'm hoping to actually kiss tomorrow but don't want to push him either, I'm okay with taking things slow if necessary. Gamer is married as well and in a poly relationship. His wife has a girlfriend but he has never seen anyone outside of their marriage, apparently I'm the first person he's gone on multiple dates with since they opened up.

I feel like a teenager right now gushing so much, haha. Can you tell I don't have a lot of dating experience? :) I feel like it's painfully obvious.

Mechanic is doing very well with me going out so far. He's voiced some insecurities but makes sure that I know it's nothing I'm doing and that he's okay with things as they are, just needs extra reassurance which I do make sure to give him. I honestly can say that I haven't been this happy in years.

A few days ago I wanted to do something extra special just for Mechanic and with me not working right now we don't have a lot of spare money so I had to get creative. So I spent about an hour choosing the perfect romantic but not cheesy songs to put on a playlist and when he came home from work (the kids were in bed at this point.) I told him to pour himself a drink and wait on the couch with eyes closed. I put on one of my sexiest dresses, heels (which I never ever wear because they're painful torture devices) and the necklace I wore on our wedding day and turned down the lights, lit some candles and incense and asked him to dance. It was the most romantic we've been in a long time and I'm so glad that I decided to do that for him, he's mentioned how special that night was several times since.
 
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I'm so excited for tonight! Gamer and I are going to go stargazing at a park, I can't wait for the alone time with him. (We did kiss on our last date BTW and it was great, I felt like a teenager again making out in the park, lol) Mechanic seems to finally be in a really good place with all of this, despite having a crummy date himself recently and is being really encouraging, which is just great.

In other news Mechanic and I went to a presentation on tarot reading yesterday with the pagan group I run. I learned so much! I've been trying to learn to read cards for awhile now and have always struggled with interpreting them but the presenters were so kind, patient and gave me lots of tips that I think will be immensely helpful. It was so nice to be reassured that it can take lots of time to get familiar with your deck and to understand all of the meanings that can be layered within a single card.

The kids will be going to Ohio to spend time with grandparents for 6 days next week starting on Thursday. I'll miss them for sure but am also looking forward to being able to hang out with people more. So far Mechanic and I are planning dinner and a spontaneous adventure on the way back from dropping off the kids and I have a girls night planned with a friend of mine at my favorite restaurant, I also hope to see Gamer a couple times and at least one more date night with Mechanic, hopefully I can go to the fireworks with one or the other for the 4th of July, depends on who has work when.
 
I'm still very happy from my date with Gamer last night and he actually started talking about things we'll be doing together months and even years from now, it was so nice to know that we're in a similar place with what we want from each other, but it'll be two weeks before our next date while he supports his wife through a surgery she's getting. I understand but will miss him. He made sure to make it clear that I'll still be hearing from him everyday though so at least there's that. :D

Mechanic is doing a little better but still rather up and down. I'm just kind of taking a back seat and making sure I'm there to support him but largely encouraging him to work through his own stuff with help from a therapist. He's started dating someone and seems to like her a lot, it's given him a bit more confidence. He's still rather clingy and I've rarely seen him happy unless he had my undivided attention, which is hard with kids. We've made sure to take regular date nights of our own when we've had a sitter available but he still seems unsatisfied with that.

I've started a new part time job working for a museum. (Yay!) I love the work and it's a great way to get my foot in the door, I've always wanted to work in museums and want to get my museum studies degree at some point in the future.

In other news I'm planning a trip to visit my parents in a couple of weeks with the kids. Mechanic will likely be working so he will stay here. I'm looking forward to it. I miss my family and also feel like I need the space from Mechanic to kind of focus on other things. He's been so up and down lately and so so clingy that I just feel like I could really use that space.
 
Figured I'd update a bit, it's been awhile. I'm leaving to visit my parents tomorrow until the weekend. Hopefully we'll have lots of fun. So far I have plans to sit in on a kickboxing class my sister teaches, swimming at the lake with my family and dinner or lunch with my longest friend (we've literally been friends since Kindergarten).

Mechanic and I are still having some struggles but I think things'll be okay. He's having a hard time understanding our new dynamic and struggles with me wanting more independence. He's still seeing the new lady and plans to have her over one day while we're gone. I'm glad he's found someone else that makes him happy.

Haven't seen Gamer in awhile but we have been talking and messaging randomly every day. I feel like we've gotten to know each other very well despite the distance through the conversations we've had, which just don't take place to the same level when we're in physical proximity,because of a preoccupation with physical closeness, lol. I wasn't expecting to like him this much or this quickly if I"m honest, it's kind of thrown me for a loop.
 
So...I have a date with someone else I met on OKC on Friday. We've been talking for 5 weeks now and seem to get along well online and through text at least. I'm excited/nervous but mostly excited. This guy identifies as solo poly and is a couple years younger than me, he seems to have a great sense of humor.

I haven't been able to go out with Gamer for awhile while he helps his wife recover from her surgery and it's likely to be at least another week or two still. We still talk every day and have said how much we miss each other. It's the right thing to do in this situation though and I support him fully taking the time he needs for his home life. We've had some great conversations though and gotten to know each other a lot more. He's one of the easiest people to talk to that I've ever held a conversation with. I still have moments of insecurity though where I worry that he's not really all that interested, especially with the time apart. But I remind myself that he wouldn't bother to contact me every day and wouldn't be interested in the things going on in my life if that were the case. It's the one thing I'm still trying to work through a bit: personal insecurity. I have trouble sometimes seeing myself as someone people would actually want to be in a relationship with.

I was a bit nervous to mention going on a date on Friday with someone new to both Gamer and Mechanic. Gamer was super supportive and seems genuinely happy with it. I was so glad that he was okay with that. I feel like we ended that conversation in a really good place.

Mechanic on the other hand was quite different as far as reactions go. He still doesn't seem to trust that I'm not going to leave him, and especially with the prospect of another person to date, he was acting really strange initially, it was like he hadn't been listening to anything I'd been saying for weeks. He said things like I was just looking to "have fun", implied I was just wanting to sleep around and that I wasn't taking my relationship with Gamer seriously enough...

Things are a bit better now, he seems to have gotten over that particular hurdle and says he's fine with it now but I still feel like he's got a lot of work to do to conquer his insecurities. I think he maybe got comfortable these past few weeks with me not going out and now that I am again it's triggered things.
 
Went out with Mechanic on a date last night. We managed to find a sitter so took advantage, lol. We went to my favorite restaurant in the area and had a great time. Lots of quality conversation. :)

Going out tonight on that first date with someone new. I'm incredibly excited/nervous. We talked a bit this morning through texting and he seems pretty excited as well.

Just wanted to share that little bit of information, lol. With both Mechanic and Gamer working there's only so many people I can share these things with.
 
Hi, Amarna, and a belated welcome to the forum!

I've just discovered this thread and have been enjoying reading your adventures. You seem to have struck it lucky:)*! But, as you've discovered, things don't work out 100% problem-free. Mechanic is having a struggle to adjust to the new dynamic, and even you have your doubts:
I still have moments of insecurity though where I worry that [Gamer]'s not really all that interested, especially with the time apart. But I remind myself that he wouldn't bother to contact me every day and wouldn't be interested in the things going on in my life if that were the case.
You answered that one yourself. I read a short story where a young woman gave some good advice to her grandmother:

"Let's not borrow worries from tomorrow for today."

Nobody can guarantee "happy forever after", but it's no time now for you to be worrying about Gamer's POSSIBLE lack of interest.

Have you heard about NRE? New relationship energy. It can lead to neglecting everything else in your life because you're over the moon about the new love in your life. It CAN do, but in your case - and in Gamer's - you seem to be dealing with it very well. You're putting energy into reassuring Mechanic that you love him. (That romantic surprise with the music and incense hit just the right spot. And the going on special dates with him.) Just continue to make sure that he knows that he is ALSO a "new" love in your life: that he is just as special as Gamer. (Probably even more so. I mean if poly didn't exist and you HAD to choose between them, I'd bet that you'd choose Mechanic, no? We're just lucky that poly does exist.)

Frankly, if Gamer was spending a WHOLE lot of time with you now, I'd be worried. It would mean that his NRE was muddying up his perspectives, causing him to neglect his wife who, after the surgery, needs special attention and love now. You should be really happy to have found someone who doesn't run out on his responsibilities just because he's found someone new.

Honestly: it bodes well for YOUR relationship with him that he's taking this pause from physical contact. It means that he'll be someone that YOU can count on, too.
It's the one thing I'm still trying to work through a bit: personal insecurity. I have trouble sometimes seeing myself as someone people would actually want to be in a relationship with.
I shouldn't belittle your feelings, but really, you're just being silly here! (Insecurity usually IS just silliness, even though it can destroy lives.) You sound like a wonderful person, so - unless you're a really excellent liar - I'm sure that Mechanic and Gamer both feel VERY lucky to have you in their lives.

* That smiley :) was totally serendipitous! I typed a colon : Then added a bit and erased some stuff. That colon was the one that should have gone after "doubts". It was only when I clicked on "preview comment" that I realise that I'd accidentally not erased everything and had (again, accidentally) left a : next to a ), so that a :) resulted. Sometimes accidents are wonderful!
 
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How's your Spanish? Are you aware that the first part of your name, amar, means "to love"?

I'd like to share a bit of song lyric with you. It's from Luis Eduardo Aute's song "Albanta":

y amar es la flor
más perfecta que crece en tu jardín

Now, if he'd written
"y amor es la flor
más perfecta que crece en tu jardín"
with an o in the 2nd word, it would mean "and Love is the...".

But he wrote "amar", with 2 a's, so the whole thing means:
"and to love is the most perfect flower that grows in your garden."

(I've been searching for a video of this song to link to, but all I can find are concert or radio versions, where Aute changes the lyrics completely. The lyrics I've linked to [including the snippet I've translated] are those of the studio album version.)
 
Hi, Amarna, and a belated welcome to the forum!

I've just discovered this thread and have been enjoying reading your adventures. You seem to have struck it lucky:)*! But, as you've discovered, things don't work out 100% problem-free. Mechanic is having a struggle to adjust to the new dynamic, and even you have your doubts:You answered that one yourself. I read a short story where a young woman gave some good advice to her grandmother:

"Let's not borrow worries from tomorrow for today."

Nobody can guarantee "happy forever after", but it's no time now for you to be worrying about Gamer's POSSIBLE lack of interest.

Have you heard about NRE? New relationship energy. It can lead to neglecting everything else in your life because you're over the moon about the new love in your life. It CAN do, but in your case - and in Gamer's - you seem to be dealing with it very well. You're putting energy into reassuring Mechanic that you love him. (That romantic surprise with the music and incense hit just the right spot. And the going on special dates with him.) Just continue to make sure that he knows that he is ALSO a "new" love in your life: that he is just as special as Gamer. (Probably even more so. I mean if poly didn't exist and you HAD to choose between them, I'd bet that you'd choose Mechanic, no? We're just lucky that poly does exist.)

Frankly, if Gamer was spending a WHOLE lot of time with you now, I'd be worried. It would mean that his NRE was muddying up his perspectives, causing him to neglect his wife who, after the surgery, needs special attention and love now. You should be really happy to have found someone who doesn't run out on his responsibilities just because he's found someone new.

Honestly: it bodes well for YOUR relationship with him that he's taking this pause from physical contact. It means that he'll be someone that YOU can count on, too.I shouldn't belittle your feelings, but really, you're just being silly here! (Insecurity usually IS just silliness, even though it can destroy lives.) You sound like a wonderful person, so - unless you're a really excellent liar - I'm sure that Mechanic and Gamer both feel VERY lucky to have you in their lives.

* That smiley :) was totally serendipitous! I typed a colon : Then added a bit and erased some stuff. That colon was the one that should have gone after "doubts". It was only when I clicked on "preview comment" that I realise that I'd accidentally not erased everything and had (again, accidentally) left a : next to a ), so that a :) resulted. Sometimes accidents are wonderful!



Thank you for all the kind words! I'm so good at worrying I should make it a career, lol, I've found myself worrying about how much I worry before. :) Something I need to self improve on still I think.

You're absolutely right about the NRE and it's been something that I've tried to be very conscious of, I don't want to get swept away and neglect my relationship with Mechanic. Everything you've said I've said to myself a million times over and yet there's still those insecurities that sit in the back of my mind, I have a habit of over thinking and second guessing myself and it can be hard to shut those little voices out sometimes. I actually have a friend that does reiki and she worked on me some a few weeks ago, the first thing she said to me afterwards was "You're mind just doesn't stop! You're constantly talking to yourself!" I have trouble finding that off button, lol.

I did talk with Gamer a bit about the lack of physical time early last week. We admitted that we miss each other and he apologized for being so unavailable, for which I promptly told him that no apology was necessary. Part of the reason I like him is, as you said, he's got his priorities in the right place and is super good at being there when needed. He's responsible. I made sure to tell him that, I don't want for him to feel like he owes me an apology for doing what's right.
 
How's your Spanish? Are you aware that the first part of your name, amar, means "to love"?

I'd like to share a bit of song lyric with you. It's from Luis Eduardo Aute's song "Albanta":

y amar es la flor
más perfecta que crece en tu jardín

Now, if he'd written
"y amor es la flor
más perfecta que crece en tu jardín"
with an o in the 2nd word, it would mean "and Love is the...".

But he wrote "amar", with 2 a's, so the whole thing means:
"and to love is the most perfect flower that grows in your garden."

(I've been searching for a video of this song to link to, but all I can find are concert or radio versions, where Aute changes the lyrics completely. The lyrics I've linked to [including the snippet I've translated] are those of the studio album version.)

I actually know very little Spanish. :) Thank you for sharing those lyrics all the same though, I love that my user name can be interpreted partially that way! Funny how things work out.

I'm a huge history geek and Amarna is the site established by Akhenaten (my favorite pharaoh) as his new capital.
 
So...I went on that date last night. It went well, we both seemed to have fun and said that we hope to do it again. Just did coffee, a walk and then wandered about a gift shop for a bit. Lots of laughs, he's got a great sense of humor.

I was asked back to his apartment. But wasn't totally feeling that yet, more a safety guideline than anything else, he was a gentleman about that though and seemed to totally understand. He did text me last night and this morning for a bit so I think we'll end up going out a second time.
 
So...big life thing...I had to resign from my museum job. There's some mixed feelings about this, I did like the work and hate letting people down but the super long hours (due to increase to even more!) were taking a toll on home life and time with the kids especially, I'd get home and only have an hour with my youngest before her bed time. So Mechanic and I talked about it and decided that I would stay at home with the kids while he works his full time job (with lots of overtime so you can imagine the scheduling trouble we were having here!) and I do some work at home stuff I've been doing. I'm glad to be home with the kids and have been greatly appreciating the not-so-strained schedule.

I've had a good day today overall.

Spent a considerable amount of time talking to Gamer the past few days about everything from big life stuff to silly things like the correct way to wash and dry dishes. (He won that one.)

Got the kids registered at the public school, my youngest is so excited to start preschool it's just the cutest thing.

Set a second date with new guy for later this week. Same thing as last time basically, coffee shop and a walk. Should be a fun time. I'm looking forward to it.

Talked with my sister for a bit about her possibly doing training program to teach English in Prague. She's pretty much my best friend so while I would her it does seem like a great opportunity so of course will be supportive. :)

And then lastly spent some time planning a birthday dinner for myself and a close friend who I happen to share a birthday with. Our birthday is a few weeks away but she's the type to like to get things on the calendar early, lol. We're going to do dinner at a favorite Indian place. I'm looking forward to that.

Wow! All that typed up it's been a pretty busy day! No wonder I'm looking forward to an introvert night with dairy free ice cream and video games while Mechanic is out with his lady friend, haha.
 
I've started a new part time job working for a museum. (Yay!) I love the work and it's a great way to get my foot in the door, I've always wanted to work in museums and want to get my museum studies degree at some point in the future.
WHAT a shame that this didn't work out! Were they trying to push you into full-time? Less than a month of this dream job... :( :(
I did like the work and hate letting people down
Be careful not to feel guilty about this! if they wanted to increase your working hours less than a month after signing a contract with you, one POV would be that they have let you down.

Like Gamer, you are a person who has their priorities right. One hour in the evening with your youngest is not enough... and that was going to be cut.

Can you study on-line for a future career in museums? Do [limited-time tailored to your needs] volunteer work to get the practical experience? (Though if you did volunteer work for the same museum that wanted to increase your workload, that might feel like too much capitulation.)
Spent a considerable amount of time talking to Gamer the past few days about everything from big life stuff to silly things like the correct way to wash and dry dishes. (He won that one.)
Learn to use your defeats to your advantage. In the future, whenever dishes have to be washed and dried, you can tell him: "You're the expert. You do it." :D:p

So your sister might be going Bohemian! From what I read/hear, Prague (Praha) appears a really attractive choice for an overseas job. You might miss her (I guess that "miss" is the missing word from your post :rolleyes:), but remember
a) if she's only going for a short placement, she'll soon be back;
b) if she's going long-term, you might get a hotel-bill-free European holiday out of it some day! ("Prague is the fifth most visited European city after London, Paris, Istanbul and Rome. Prague's low cost of living makes it a popular destination for expats relocating to Europe." - from wikipedia, though the underlining is mine)

As someone who has spent most of my life in countries where English is a foreign language (including 13 years as a child where I didn't learn the local language... and have since bitterly regretted it ), let me give your sister this bit of advice: start to learn Czech BEFORE you [I'm speaking to your sister, you understand] go. From books, on-line, or at classes, whatever. And improve your knowledge once you're there. (Once you're there, you can pin up notices at the university: "Native speaker [U.S. American] with English-teaching credentials offers English conversation in exchange for Czech conversation". You'll be inundated with offers. And it's a great way to make friends [and learn all those swear words they don't teach in language schools :eek: :p]!) I suggest a [weekly? perhaps more often when you're starting out] dinner party ("Bring a dish from your country") with several participants (possible English-Czech mix) where 1/2 the time is spent in English, the other 1/2 in Japanese :p. Maybe you could suggest that in your original notice. Try to stick to the rule: NO TRANSLATING! (This goes for formal classes in the language school, too.) Use hand-gestures, simpler words in the same language, charades (this can get silly... and fun) to get across your meaning. (But a strict application of this rule might have to be postponed until you're all more advanced.)

Once you've (pretty much) mastered Czech (and if you're there for the long haul), you can use this tactic to learn other languages (even - this time - Japanese). European cities are cosmopolitan. Take advantage and get some culture. (If your sister's your best friend and she wants to work in a museum - and you choose to work in Prague - I don't want to imply that you are presently without culture. :eek:)

I have witnessed how (especially Yanks and Brits) who don't bother learning the local language are resented. And - unlike Britons - the citizens of every other country I've been in are SO happy - and so patient and helpful - when obvious foreigners make stumbling attempts to communicate in their language. You want to be a goodwill embassador for the USA in Prague? Don't only teach them: learn from them. The latter is MUCH more effective.

***​
Back to Amarna: I'm glad to read that - on balance - things are going well for you. Keep us [me] informed. These past few days I've been looking for updates from you. :eek:
 
WHAT a shame that this didn't work out! Were they trying to push you into full-time? Less than a month of this dream job... :( :( Be careful not to feel guilty about this! if they wanted to increase your working hours less than a month after signing a contract with you, one POV would be that they have let you down.

Like Gamer, you are a person who has their priorities right. One hour in the evening with your youngest is not enough... and that was going to be cut.

Can you study on-line for a future career in museums? Do [limited-time tailored to your needs] volunteer work to get the practical experience? (Though if you did volunteer work for the same museum that wanted to increase your workload, that might feel like too much capitulation.)Learn to use your defeats to your advantage. In the future, whenever dishes have to be washed and dried, you can tell him: "You're the expert. You do it." :D:p

So your sister might be going Bohemian! From what I read/hear, Prague (Praha) appears a really attractive choice for an overseas job. You might miss her (I guess that "miss" is the missing word from your post :rolleyes:), but remember
a) if she's only going for a short placement, she'll soon be back;
b) if she's going long-term, you might get a hotel-bill-free European holiday out of it some day! ("Prague is the fifth most visited European city after London, Paris, Istanbul and Rome. Prague's low cost of living makes it a popular destination for expats relocating to Europe." - from wikipedia, though the underlining is mine)

As someone who has spent most of my life in countries where English is a foreign language (including 13 years as a child where I didn't learn the local language... and have since bitterly regretted it ), let me give your sister this bit of advice: start to learn Czech BEFORE you [I'm speaking to your sister, you understand] go. From books, on-line, or at classes, whatever. And improve your knowledge once you're there. (Once you're there, you can pin up notices at the university: "Native speaker [U.S. American] with English-teaching credentials offers English conversation in exchange for Czech conversation". You'll be inundated with offers. And it's a great way to make friends [and learn all those swear words they don't teach in language schools :eek: :p]!) I suggest a [weekly? perhaps more often when you're starting out] dinner party ("Bring a dish from your country") with several participants (possible English-Czech mix) where 1/2 the time is spent in English, the other 1/2 in Japanese :p. Maybe you could suggest that in your original notice. Try to stick to the rule: NO TRANSLATING! (This goes for formal classes in the language school, too.) Use hand-gestures, simpler words in the same language, charades (this can get silly... and fun) to get across your meaning. (But a strict application of this rule might have to be postponed until you're all more advanced.)

Once you've (pretty much) mastered Czech (and if you're there for the long haul), you can use this tactic to learn other languages (even - this time - Japanese). European cities are cosmopolitan. Take advantage and get some culture. (If your sister's your best friend and she wants to work in a museum - and you choose to work in Prague - I don't want to imply that you are presently without culture. :eek:)

I have witnessed how (especially Yanks and Brits) who don't bother learning the local language are resented. And - unlike Britons - the citizens of every other country I've been in are SO happy - and so patient and helpful - when obvious foreigners make stumbling attempts to communicate in their language. You want to be a goodwill embassador for the USA in Prague? Don't only teach them: learn from them. The latter is MUCH more effective.

***​
Back to Amarna: I'm glad to read that - on balance - things are going well for you. Keep us [me] informed. These past few days I've been looking for updates from you. :eek:

Yes, they were wanting to give me just enough hours to be under what would require full time status with benefits and overtime but still basically full time. So I wouldn't have even benefited from it that much. I was also promised a pay raise and supervisory training within a week or two of starting and that was a pipe dream as well it seems. It was supposed to be just a weekend job with maybe another day in the week as needed and ended up being much more than that.

I've thought about an online degree program, it's something I might explore in the future, just taking some time now to adjust to the changes in our lives before adding more onto our plate. I might volunteer at another (closer) museum, the one I worked at was an hour away so it's not really convenient to volunteer there when others are closer. Or at the local library at least once the girls start school next month.

And haha, thank you for the advice. I'm totally going to use that line on him if we ever end up cooking together and dishes must be done.

Yes, I will miss her, she's my best friend on top of being my sister, but I know how important it is to her to travel and see new parts of the world so want to encourage her. The training part of the program she's considering lasts a month and then she'd want to work in Prague or somewhere in the Czech Republic I guess for at least a year or two. I definitely would visit if at all possible, lol, it's a great excuse to travel and I'd finally get out of the country!

I will definitely advise her to consider learning the language before leaving. You made some good points.
 
So...I thought things were improving with Mechanic but now I'm not so sure. *frustrated sigh*

Last night he got home from his date and after cuddling for a bit he wanted to know if I was planning on sleeping with New Guy on Friday when we go out, and said that he didn't think it would be a good idea before I could even answer him. Now, I'm not planning on that happening but really don't like it when Mechanic tries to place limits like that on my relationships. It feels like he doesn't trust my judgement and wants me to do things at a much slower and restricted pace than he does.

I told him how that made me feel and pointed out that I have never asked anything similar of him and that he does not exhibit the same restraint with relationships that he expects of me. I asked where this was coming from and he admitted that it was insecurity on his part which is something but it still feels like things are unresolved on that front.

Then this morning I wasn't feeling well so went to the bathroom and when I came back Mechanic was on my phone, looking through my messages. What's further is he lied to me about it and said that he was just checking the weather on it because his phone wasn't working right. But when I went to use it the messages were up and it was obvious he was looking through them.

I tell him everything that would be important to him that I talk about with other people. But he also knows that sometimes I talk to my sister about things in her life that she isn't comfortable sharing and that somethings I talk to Gamer about (like his wife's medical stuff and things he might be struggling with) are really not for other people to know and not something that I feel right sharing because it's not my information to share or our attempts at awkward e-flirting which I don't like being an open book about because the confidence is just not there, lol. Again, it's like he doesn't trust me and it's a violation of not just my trust but also other people's.

I'm angrier though that he blatantly lied to me about it more than anything else. He's always doing things like that, if its something he thinks will upset me he'll just lie rather than be honest. This has always been a point of difficulty for us and I just don't know what to do anymore. In the past he's kept lying about it to the point where it's felt like gaslighting to a degree. I'll know what I saw and know that what he's giving me is an entirely irrational/unlikely explanation but he'll keep insisting until I begin to doubt myself or turn my hurt feelings around until I feel even worse for feeling bad/upset/betrayed because it hurts him.

I did some research on gaslighting this morning and came across a Psychology Today article that listed some "signs":

"1. You are constantly second-guessing yourself
2. You ask yourself, "Am I too sensitive?" a dozen times a day.
3. You often feel confused and even crazy at work.
4. You're always apologizing to your mother, father, boyfriend, boss.
5. You can't understand why, with so many apparently good things in your life, you aren't happier.
6. You frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to friends and family.
7. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses.
8. You know something is terribly wrong, but you can never quite express what it is, even to yourself.
9. You start lying to avoid the put downs and reality twists.
10. You have trouble making simple decisions.
11. You have the sense that you used to be a very different person - more confident, more fun-loving, more relaxed.
12. You feel hopeless and joyless.
13. You feel as though you can't do anything right.
14. You wonder if you are a "good enough" girlfriend/ wife/employee/ friend; daughter.
15. You find yourself withholding information from friends and family so you don't have to explain or make excuses."

Unfortunately a lot of those things apply to me. I'm going to spend some more time today doing some more research.
 
Yes, they were wanting to give me just enough hours to be under what would require full time status with benefits and overtime but still basically full time. So I wouldn't have even benefited from it that much. I was also promised a pay raise and supervisory training within a week or two of starting and that was a pipe dream as well it seems.
Even more reason(s) for you not to feel that you've let them down.
I will definitely advise her to consider learning the language before leaving. You made some good points.
HEY! I spent a fair amount of time, energy, and thought putting that little advice packet together. And you want to "advise her to consider learning the language before leaving"??? Sheesh! You might not want to show her this thread (I can understand that), but the least that you can do is copy and paste the whole of my advice and pass it on to her entire. :mad::mad::mad: Mutter mutter mumble squawk... :)p)
 
Even more reason(s) for you not to feel that you've let them down.HEY! I spent a fair amount of time, energy, and thought putting that little advice packet together. And you want to "advise her to consider learning the language before leaving"??? Sheesh! You might not want to show her this thread (I can understand that), but the least that you can do is copy and paste the whole of my advice and pass it on to her entire. :mad::mad::mad: Mutter mutter mumble squawk... :)p)

Haha, yeah, I wouldn't share this thread with her, though she does know about poly and roughly where things are with that in my life. I will copy and paste your comments to her. :D Promise!
 
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