I think one of the huge benefits of poly is that through the loss of control, we all dig in to ourselves, develop coping skills, and end up personally empowered.
Can it go the other way?
Can we set up the value of "empowerment" and have it help us through the tough times?
Typical poly situation:
Albert is insecure about Beth meeting Carlos.
Albert asks for Beth to not sleep with Carlos.
BEth draws on empowerment: "I need that to be my choice,
Or I'm going to feel controlled. And it disempowers both me and Carlos. I see you need help, here, though. How can we empower you to best get through this? I'm willing to adjust timing if I can see it will make you stronger and more resilient, and if it doesn't take away from my relationship with Carlos, but not if it ultimately weakens any of the three of us. Do you need reassurance? To talk about worries? An ear to listen when you provide strategies? What can we do to make this a growth experience or a positive experience for you?"
How well do you think that would work?
Can it go the other way?
Can we set up the value of "empowerment" and have it help us through the tough times?
Typical poly situation:
Albert is insecure about Beth meeting Carlos.
Albert asks for Beth to not sleep with Carlos.
BEth draws on empowerment: "I need that to be my choice,
Or I'm going to feel controlled. And it disempowers both me and Carlos. I see you need help, here, though. How can we empower you to best get through this? I'm willing to adjust timing if I can see it will make you stronger and more resilient, and if it doesn't take away from my relationship with Carlos, but not if it ultimately weakens any of the three of us. Do you need reassurance? To talk about worries? An ear to listen when you provide strategies? What can we do to make this a growth experience or a positive experience for you?"
How well do you think that would work?