Have there been any discussions of how introverts cope with the poly lifestyle? I want to explore the idea, but am terrified of meeting new people. It's not my comfort zone. I have only a few select friends and am very slow to make new ones. One of the beauties of being married has been the fact that I don't have to worry about dating again. During one of my conversations with my wife about adding more characters to our love story, I actually told her "I don't know what's wrong with me. Why would I want the drama of dating again!?!" (That's a paraphrase).
Has anyone else conquered this hurdle? It goes deeper than romance and intimacy of course, but I'm just focus on this aspect of it here.
Thanks!
I find that polyfidility suits me as an introvert very well. I have never really dated (noone does in my country, unless they find people online). My husband was a close friend before we started dating. My boyfriend of 2,5 years I met when I was on holiday, we just happened to like each other and I am his first proper girlfriend. I have my hands full with the two of them and the prospect of future kids.
I used to be like you and only have very few friends. What I did was, I started engaging myself in different subjects that caught my interest. I did NGO work, potlucks, different things. Some things I tried did not work out, but many did. Just by being out there, I got friendship offers. I now have a wide social circle and many close friends. I find that being social is a little bit like a game; at some point you start to get good at it, and then things just add on. And you no longer fear rejection or not getting along, things just happen organically if you meet someone you get along with.
However, I find that getting friends and lovers are two different hats (yes, I married my friend, but he was smitten with me when we met and I dated someone else and was not into poly). It is much easier to get a lover than a friend - I met my sort-of-ex lover just because he was my yoga teacher; the upside of introverts is that we can get really close to people without speaking a whole lot (the guy said I am the first person he met who communicated interest just by being present and ooze my energy). Still you want to get a GOOD lover, and also want to be the best version of yourself.
So if you want to become more social (and deal with social anxiety if you are affected by it); work on yourself. Do whatever you need to do. Then you are a "better package" for the person you meet, as well. I personally have benifited a lot from the Non Violent Communication, I mean the book but also courses I have taken on the subject. It really says a lot on how to express yourself clearly without hurting other people. It might take a while to get into it, and I am by no means perfect with it, but my boyfriend says he can tell that I know something about communication and it is helpful for him too. Also, there are many good books on introversion now, if you have not read them, I especially like "The introvert advantage", because it offers many practical tips:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Introvert-Advantage-People-Extrovert/dp/0761123695