How do you feel about the monogamy : polyamory ratio of people in the world? Do you think mono-gamy is widely religious or taught? Naturally instilled? A combination of the two?
What do YOU mean by "monogamy"?
A catch-all term for the
status quo?
Those few people who mutually marry their first sexual partner & never have even a fleeting interest in anyone else, lasting until they are both dead?
The hypocrites who parrot all the cliches but give a nod-&-wink to the endemic "exceptions"?
The poor saps who really
want to play along with societal expectations but, when they run into predictable problems, are either told to use poor tools ("talk to your pastor!") or marginalized?
I have nothing against "the monogamous" in general, but I do believe that many (most?) exhibit behaviors & thought-patterns I associate with thought-control cults.* For instance, from one website:
- facilitates control over members physically, intellectually, financially, and emotionally
- opposing views are ridiculed and often misrepresented.
- give the members a future focus and philosophical purpose in avoiding the apocalypse or being delivered through it
- various practices including meditation, repetition of words and/or phrases, and "spiritual" enlightenment with God are used as confirmation of their truth
- predictions of being persecuted, often combined with claiming any opposing views demonstrated against them as a form of persecution
- Many have non-verifiable belief systems.
- Often, the philosophy makes sense only if you adopt the full set of values and definitions that it teaches.
What is a cult?
Anyone can fill each of those out with clear examples, & probably add more indicators. For instance, after joining in a fairly vanilla presentation on the socioeconomics of
line marriage,** I was confronted by a woman who demanded, "Why do you HATE marriage??"... because I had had the temerity to float stable nonmonogamy as a potentially viable option. That is to say, because I dared describe ANY alternative to monogamy, I was ATTACKING marriage, & thus all married people.
Such is mind-controlled fanaticism.
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And, being I'm an equal-opportunity cynic, I will point out that the term "polyamory" has plenty of flaws. Do you include people who abuse the term for their own selfish gain? or those who practice responsible nonmonogamy BUT loathe being declared "poly"? And so on.
Even if we simply draw a circle 'round everyone who knows the word, uses it properly, & is at least working toward attempting to be part of a nonmonogamous network of any size... hmm.
Well, two years ago, Elisabeth Sheff (in
Psychology Today) cites Kelly Cookson as estimating "millions" have experienced some form of non-monogamy. HOWEVER, this "group" includes
everything: last-call hookups, fundy Mormon polygyny, swinging, affairs, & likely prostitution. Given that melange,
Estimates based on actually trying sexual non-monogamy are around 1.2 to 2.4 million. An estimate based solely on the agreement to allow satellite lovers is around 9.8 million.
There may also be unwonted assumptions, because Cookson mentions including "gay male couples, and other sexually non-monogamous couples."
An editor's note to a 2009 online
Newsweek article glibly claims "over half a million families openly living in relationships that are between multiple consenting partners" yet offers no citation to support this data. If accurate, I certainly cannot guess at how many
individuals would thus be involved.
In 2013, Sandy Pappas "that as many as 5 percent of Americans are currently in relationships involving consensual nonmonogamy." Again, a wide net, &I could only guess at how many are actually poly-experienced.
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* -- the word "cult" is overused, generally by squawking Rightist Xtians. Stripped of such propaganda, it actually indicates "a new church" or "a religious group that's not yet multigenerational."
** -- Robert Heinlein, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress.