Inyourendo
New member
I started a post a couple years back but things have changed so i thought i would start a new one. Background: I often fantasized about being a sister wife when i was a teenager. My girlfriends and i would share boys and the idea of sharing a husband with my best friend really appealed to me. I met my ex husband when we were 17 and until 3 years later when he met another woman did i ever consider an open marriage, it wasnt even in my eyeline. so he meets this girl and said that he wanted to have sex with her. I had been with many people before we met but I had been his first kiss. experimenting was something that was really important to him so i gave him a blessing to have a ONE time meeting for sex with her. for the next 2 years she was in and out of our lives and my ex and i had broken up two times over this. he wanted to be with her but wasnt being respectful of me or my boundaries. when i finally did become comfortable with her and said she could move in she had decided that she wasnt willing to share him and so she left.
11 years of being together my ex and i parted ways when i met my current husband Nate. I met him online and fell in love with him over the phone. i knew the first night that i wanted to be with him forever and I knew my ex wouldnt allow me to have a male partner so I left him. Nate and I went into our relationship with it being sexually open but I was not yet willing for him to have an emotional relationship with anyone else. Over the years he’s had some 20 sex partners and a long term friend with benefit (she at one point called herself his gf). I had had a few casual encounters with men but they left me very unfulfilled. After 2.5 years of not having any sexual partners other than Nate and honestly not caring, I would go on dates here and there but never met anyone acceptable, I really started to question whether or not i was poly. I hadnt met anyone else that came even close to wanting to have a romantic relationship with.
Then Sam came into my life. I had met him winter of 2011. I had met him through a friend of mine. I immediately like him. he’s very good looking, smart, funny, weird etc. he actually works at my agency. I told my friend that i liked him, she started seeing him and I lost interest in being romantic with him after she got her hooks into him. they just had sex the one time but i wasnt interested in being with someone that she had been with. I was also pregnant at that time and then had to work on losing the weight, taking care of a newborn and starting college for the first time. the timing wasnt right but every few months his name would come up at work, or i would see him at the office and i would shoot him a text. he always kept it formal and i never got the vibe that he was interested in me. I would take him off the shelf, dust him off and put him back. I still liked him, i figured it was a fun game to keep tabs on him.
Nate was going to be in a fri-tue medical study for 5 weeks straight so i thought i would check out the strictly platonic section of craigs list to see if there was anyone interesting i could talk with to occupy my lonely time with nate gone. I read this very awesome ad and i messaged them “your name wouldnt’ happen to be Sam would it?” it was not Sam (it was actually this richard guy that i already knew lol) but it put Sam in my head that night so I thought I would send him a text and ask him out finally. we started texting and he did agree to going out on a date. turned out he was sick as a dog in bed and was using my texts as a welcome distraction from his pain. he discovered through texting me that there was a lot more to me than what he imagined and i discovered that he had been watching me from afar for awhile. he had a horrible breakup from his ex and i reminded him too much of her, he thought i was some swinger just looking for a temporary boy toy and he didn't want to get involved with me. (the second time we had met was at my friend's house and she had tried to get me to make out with her in front of him. I wasn't feeling it so I didn't and thank goodness I didn't because he’s monogamous and that would have totally turned him off from me forever) He learned that i wanted every bit to be a girlfriend to him and that I wanted forever, not some fling. he tried to fight it (he says) but he fell madly in love with me and even though its been a very short time I know that eventually he will be a second husband to me.
something about Sam that I discovered is that he is very much a romantic and sensitive man. there was no games here, he loved me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. he is willing to be with me even though he is monogamous because he loves me very much. he immediately integrated me into his life and i feel like it’s gone by so fast but at the same time it feels like forever. i am so happy that I have him in my life. I look forward to our future together and honestly can't believe I am really in the position that I am in. I never thought that i would have 2 amazing men in my life who love me so much.
Even though in theory i was alway going to have another partner, in the 5 years Nate and I had been together I hadn't had any partners beyond casually dating. so this has been an adjustment for Nate because he’s not use to having me gone. he’s not use to me loving another. it’s been an adjustment for me too, i dont want to overshare because I don't want Nate to feel sad but I also don't want him to feel like I’m hiding things from him either. I originally wanted to have 1 night a week with another partner but I discovered that just isn't enough, I crave to see Sam so much and I also want to be there for him so he doesn't feel like he’s just some after thought to me. he does understand that I have a family and that i have obligations so i negotiated that I would spend sat. and mon nights with Sam. I work tue and wed night so that leaves thur, fri and sun night for Nate if he doesnt have plans with someone else.
Nate doesnt have any partners. he had his “girlfriend” Jane but she has a boyfriend now and she and Nate are no longer having sex with each other. Nate feels sad that I have someone else and he doesnt. Sat. seemed particularly hard for him this week because he wanted to make plans to go to a show with someone and didnt have anyone he was willing to go with. he did go over and screw his fuck buddy but that doesnt really give him that emotional or intellectual connection that he craves. Nate told me that he feels that he’s not good enough for me and that the only women that are interested in him are people that he doesnt want to have a relationship with. this isnt really a new thing, he’s always had terrible self esteem even though he’s very attractive, smart and funny. he’s an artist and very much has an artist’s temperament. he’s always criticizing himself and doesnt seem to find joy in the successes he has. when i got back home Sunday afternoon I really tried to focus on Nate but he chalked that up to :”sam being at game night” rather than me wanting to spend time with him. we cuddled on the couch and watched xfile for a few hours but he still said that he felt disconnected. I try very hard to focus on him when we are together, not gush about Sam and to listen and talk to him. it seems that we have these very long discussions about his feelings every day. now I dont mind it, i love talking but I feel like Im constantly reassuring him and often I find myself feeling guilty that he feels this way.
in the past i might have ended a relationship before it even stated for the fact that i dont like conflict, I dont like feeling uncomfortable or having tension so if that meant just being monogamous while nate had a bunch of sex partners, so be it. but I wont do that with Sam. Im in love with him. Im not willing to go without him and Im not willing to break his heart either. Nate will just have to get over it. last night he said “I dont know if I will ever be ok with this” that was really hard to hear. what have we been doing all these years? he’s known that I was looking for another partner all these years. was he banking on that I wouldnt find someone? Granted up until Sam said he would be my boyfriend I had not but I thought it might happen someday. up until Sam I hadnt met anyone that met the huge laundry list of requirements that i had in a partner. not only that but they had to obviously be interested in me and there also had to be chemistry. i hadnt met anyone close to that. I guess looking back now I can see why he thought it was safe to say I would never find anyone long term and he would never have to share me with someone. I mean other than Jane whom he didnt have a romantic relationship for beyond a casual friendship and sex he hadnt had a real girlfriend. How would I handle it if he loved someone? I imagine if I wasnt with sam i would feel intimidated, insecure, scared to lose him, scared of the changes etc. I get where Nate is coming from and Im doing my darndest to make sure that I am giving him everything that he needs (that I can give) the only thing I wont do is let him sabatage things with Sam. I dont think he will but I know there have been people out there that pick fights right before a date and demand that their partner cancel to “work things out” I made it clear to Nate that wasnt something I would allow. I also wont allow Nate to have a veto. Sam isnt someone who is dispensable, if Nate is having remorse for being poly at this point it’s too late for him to go back now.
11 years of being together my ex and i parted ways when i met my current husband Nate. I met him online and fell in love with him over the phone. i knew the first night that i wanted to be with him forever and I knew my ex wouldnt allow me to have a male partner so I left him. Nate and I went into our relationship with it being sexually open but I was not yet willing for him to have an emotional relationship with anyone else. Over the years he’s had some 20 sex partners and a long term friend with benefit (she at one point called herself his gf). I had had a few casual encounters with men but they left me very unfulfilled. After 2.5 years of not having any sexual partners other than Nate and honestly not caring, I would go on dates here and there but never met anyone acceptable, I really started to question whether or not i was poly. I hadnt met anyone else that came even close to wanting to have a romantic relationship with.
Then Sam came into my life. I had met him winter of 2011. I had met him through a friend of mine. I immediately like him. he’s very good looking, smart, funny, weird etc. he actually works at my agency. I told my friend that i liked him, she started seeing him and I lost interest in being romantic with him after she got her hooks into him. they just had sex the one time but i wasnt interested in being with someone that she had been with. I was also pregnant at that time and then had to work on losing the weight, taking care of a newborn and starting college for the first time. the timing wasnt right but every few months his name would come up at work, or i would see him at the office and i would shoot him a text. he always kept it formal and i never got the vibe that he was interested in me. I would take him off the shelf, dust him off and put him back. I still liked him, i figured it was a fun game to keep tabs on him.
Nate was going to be in a fri-tue medical study for 5 weeks straight so i thought i would check out the strictly platonic section of craigs list to see if there was anyone interesting i could talk with to occupy my lonely time with nate gone. I read this very awesome ad and i messaged them “your name wouldnt’ happen to be Sam would it?” it was not Sam (it was actually this richard guy that i already knew lol) but it put Sam in my head that night so I thought I would send him a text and ask him out finally. we started texting and he did agree to going out on a date. turned out he was sick as a dog in bed and was using my texts as a welcome distraction from his pain. he discovered through texting me that there was a lot more to me than what he imagined and i discovered that he had been watching me from afar for awhile. he had a horrible breakup from his ex and i reminded him too much of her, he thought i was some swinger just looking for a temporary boy toy and he didn't want to get involved with me. (the second time we had met was at my friend's house and she had tried to get me to make out with her in front of him. I wasn't feeling it so I didn't and thank goodness I didn't because he’s monogamous and that would have totally turned him off from me forever) He learned that i wanted every bit to be a girlfriend to him and that I wanted forever, not some fling. he tried to fight it (he says) but he fell madly in love with me and even though its been a very short time I know that eventually he will be a second husband to me.
something about Sam that I discovered is that he is very much a romantic and sensitive man. there was no games here, he loved me and wanted me to be his girlfriend. he is willing to be with me even though he is monogamous because he loves me very much. he immediately integrated me into his life and i feel like it’s gone by so fast but at the same time it feels like forever. i am so happy that I have him in my life. I look forward to our future together and honestly can't believe I am really in the position that I am in. I never thought that i would have 2 amazing men in my life who love me so much.
Even though in theory i was alway going to have another partner, in the 5 years Nate and I had been together I hadn't had any partners beyond casually dating. so this has been an adjustment for Nate because he’s not use to having me gone. he’s not use to me loving another. it’s been an adjustment for me too, i dont want to overshare because I don't want Nate to feel sad but I also don't want him to feel like I’m hiding things from him either. I originally wanted to have 1 night a week with another partner but I discovered that just isn't enough, I crave to see Sam so much and I also want to be there for him so he doesn't feel like he’s just some after thought to me. he does understand that I have a family and that i have obligations so i negotiated that I would spend sat. and mon nights with Sam. I work tue and wed night so that leaves thur, fri and sun night for Nate if he doesnt have plans with someone else.
Nate doesnt have any partners. he had his “girlfriend” Jane but she has a boyfriend now and she and Nate are no longer having sex with each other. Nate feels sad that I have someone else and he doesnt. Sat. seemed particularly hard for him this week because he wanted to make plans to go to a show with someone and didnt have anyone he was willing to go with. he did go over and screw his fuck buddy but that doesnt really give him that emotional or intellectual connection that he craves. Nate told me that he feels that he’s not good enough for me and that the only women that are interested in him are people that he doesnt want to have a relationship with. this isnt really a new thing, he’s always had terrible self esteem even though he’s very attractive, smart and funny. he’s an artist and very much has an artist’s temperament. he’s always criticizing himself and doesnt seem to find joy in the successes he has. when i got back home Sunday afternoon I really tried to focus on Nate but he chalked that up to :”sam being at game night” rather than me wanting to spend time with him. we cuddled on the couch and watched xfile for a few hours but he still said that he felt disconnected. I try very hard to focus on him when we are together, not gush about Sam and to listen and talk to him. it seems that we have these very long discussions about his feelings every day. now I dont mind it, i love talking but I feel like Im constantly reassuring him and often I find myself feeling guilty that he feels this way.
in the past i might have ended a relationship before it even stated for the fact that i dont like conflict, I dont like feeling uncomfortable or having tension so if that meant just being monogamous while nate had a bunch of sex partners, so be it. but I wont do that with Sam. Im in love with him. Im not willing to go without him and Im not willing to break his heart either. Nate will just have to get over it. last night he said “I dont know if I will ever be ok with this” that was really hard to hear. what have we been doing all these years? he’s known that I was looking for another partner all these years. was he banking on that I wouldnt find someone? Granted up until Sam said he would be my boyfriend I had not but I thought it might happen someday. up until Sam I hadnt met anyone that met the huge laundry list of requirements that i had in a partner. not only that but they had to obviously be interested in me and there also had to be chemistry. i hadnt met anyone close to that. I guess looking back now I can see why he thought it was safe to say I would never find anyone long term and he would never have to share me with someone. I mean other than Jane whom he didnt have a romantic relationship for beyond a casual friendship and sex he hadnt had a real girlfriend. How would I handle it if he loved someone? I imagine if I wasnt with sam i would feel intimidated, insecure, scared to lose him, scared of the changes etc. I get where Nate is coming from and Im doing my darndest to make sure that I am giving him everything that he needs (that I can give) the only thing I wont do is let him sabatage things with Sam. I dont think he will but I know there have been people out there that pick fights right before a date and demand that their partner cancel to “work things out” I made it clear to Nate that wasnt something I would allow. I also wont allow Nate to have a veto. Sam isnt someone who is dispensable, if Nate is having remorse for being poly at this point it’s too late for him to go back now.