Magdlyn, I do understand what you're saying. As for how much I'm going to see him, for now once a week or every other week for an actual date, depending on his schedule, and maybe a walk with him during his lunch break once or twice a week because he's trying to get more exercise and asked if I would go for walks with him. (I need the exercise too.) I'm trying not to think too much, but in this situation, I think my actions and words matter the most. Regardless of what I think--or how often I think--about him, or what my emotions do, it still isn't a relationship and he isn't a bf unless I give him an indication that I'm ready to move to that point.
The fucking may or may not be repeated, given that there currently isn't anywhere for us to be alone. He's obviously not going to bring me to where he's staying, and Hubby and I have a "no other partners in the house" agreement. So unless/until Boots gets his own place, it's either pay for a hotel room or get riskily creative. Saturday night was a case of "hmm, I wonder what he'd be like in bed"...though I have to admit I surprised myself by taking initiative, not only in suggesting it in the first place, but in what I was doing once we got there. I don't usually take initiative; I'm not comfortable enough. I wait for the guy to ask for what he wants instead of doing what I want to do. But with Boots, I was completely comfortable, didn't have my usual worry about "what if he doesn't want me to do this", and just did what I felt like doing. (And I told him how rare that is...)
I'm not going to worry about meeting Boots's girlfriend unless he asks me to. Honestly, though, despite the completely irrational worry about what she'll think of me, I would like to meet her if he and I keep spending time together. She's been a very positive force in his life, and his face lights up when he tells me things about her. If she makes him that happy, she's someone I would want to meet eventually.
Cyndie, I don't think she has veto power. He told me their only agreements are about safer sex and which nights they're together. But she does have *influence* given the nature and duration of their relationship. To be honest, if she told him she thought I wasn't good for him and didn't think he should see me, I would hope he would listen to her. But aside from whether she has any say over whether he and I see each other, I just think it would be easier if she and I got along if we meet.
One good thing about this new whatever-it-is with Boots is that it's dredging up some of the deeper problems caused by the situation with S2. That might not *sound* like a good thing, but it is because it's putting me in the position of having to deal with things I would have tried to just bury and ignore. Burying them would have led to them coming up at inopportune times. This way, I can address them now, when I'm not in a relationship, and hopefully that will make it easier to move forward with Boots, or with someone else if Boots and I don't work out.
I talked to Guy about some of this last night, which didn't end well because he's insisting S2 deliberately and maliciously lied to me the entire relationship with the sole intention of hurting me. I knew Guy didn't think much good about S2, but I didn't realize he despised him quite that much... He hung up on me when I tried to say that I don't believe S2 was being malicious, only cowardly.
The biggest problem is that S2 knows how many people in my past have told me I was worthless, didn't deserve to be loved, wasn't wanted, was too much trouble, etc. And he told me constantly that those people were wrong, that I was worth it, that I was valuable, that I am wanted and loved. Because of how I respond to dishonesty, I don't know anymore whether he meant it when he said those things, because his actions at the end would seem to show the opposite, that those people were all *right*. The only way to resolve that would seem to be asking him if he meant it...Which Hubby is pushing me to do, he says he thinks it's time I talk to S2 and sort things out, and that knowing S2 I'm the one who's going to have to reach out to start the discussion. I don't know if I can yet...And I don't think I should have to be the one to reach out, but I know Hubby's right about that part.