QUESTION - What Would You Do If . . . . . . . . . . . . .

MermaidINmyMIND

New member
. . . . . . . . . . your relatively new Poly Lover sometimes seems to show some difficulties with open-ness that put you in mind of your previous "Dody "Monogomy but absolutely, definetly NON-poly" previous Lovers?

:rolleyes:
 
I would communicate.

I'd say, "When you [do or say this thing] I feel worried that it means you don't want us to be open."

Then I'd listen.
 
There's a tag here for "dodgy monogamy", so I think that's what she was trying to say: what if the new partner is reminding him/her/us of prior partners who weren't good at monogamy but didn't embrace polyamory. But maybe I'm inferring meaning that wasn't there.

OP, whether you are seeking advice or just posing the topic for discussion, it would be great to put some more flesh on this topic.
  • What is "dodgy monogamy" in this context?
  • What specific behaviors/words are bothering you/the hypothetical us?
  • Have you/we and the current partner explicitly agreed to polyamory?
  • Have you/we talked about what polyamory means to each of you/us, and shared your/our boundaries and limits?
 
There's a tag here for "dodgy monogamy", so I think that's what she was trying to say: what if the new partner is reminding him/her/us of prior partners who weren't good at monogamy but didn't embrace polyamory. But maybe I'm inferring meaning that wasn't there.

OP, whether you are seeking advice or just posing the topic for discussion, it would be great to put some more flesh on this topic.
  • What is "dodgy monogamy" in this context?
  • What specific behaviors/words are bothering you/the hypothetical us?
  • Have you/we and the current partner explicitly agreed to polyamory?
  • Have you/we talked about what polyamory means to each of you/us, and shared your/our boundaries and limits?

Huh. Now im curious what dodgy monogamy is. But I agree with SP...flesh this out.
All else I'd say OP, is try not to compare people to each other, it doesn't go well. try to assume positive intent, and ask questions
 
I'd talk about what was going on. Poly only works if people are open and honest with each other (IMHO).
 
Remind yourself that your current lover and past lovers are different people. However, it would also be a good idea to examine why you tend to seek out partners with similar traits that you dislike.



And what the hell is "dodgy monogamy?" I swear, some of the tags I find in the tag list make no sense whatsoever!
 
However, it would also be a good idea to examine why you tend to seek out partners with similar traits that you dislike.

I think it's a very common problem. Sometimes "undesirable traits" don't become apparent until later in a relationship when NRE wears off.
 
Replies

Thanks to everyone who has sent replies. They are very interesting to me as a newcomer and I have already learned a lot. I will need to think about them for a while and respond in time. I will also add more detail as you ask but will obviously need to think carefully about how to explain things clearly in future. :confused:
 
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