A Journey

TheLimey

Member
This is going to start out in the main with what was in my introduction post, but I feel this may be a better place to carry on with the tale.

So to begin with, the start of it all...

So, as my title suggests, this is the start of a journey, that has been 18 months in the making. No names in the below

So, some background. As I write this, I am a 46 year old Englishman, an Ex-Pat who has spent 4 years in Germany, and now 17 years in South Florida.

I married a Miami girl, who had previously introduced herself as Lesbian, (but now acknowledges she would now ID as Pansexual), and have been together for 16 years, most of that monogamously married.

Rewind a little under 18months. My wife and I are long time performers at local renaissance festivals. We meet a girl (part of a Lesbian couple)at the end of the festival who thinks the comedy troupe we perform with is great, and that openly let's us know she has a huge crush on my wife. I become Facebook friends with the girl, and my wife and I speculate on what it would be like to let my wife have a bit of fun.

This year, the girl is back, this year with a boyfriend, and we sit and discuss a little more, and the lass and my wife start to flirt, and I realise this makes me happy. I let my wife know that if she wants to, go ahead. The girl discusses with her boyfriend, and he says go ahead.

Whilst they spend time flirting, the girl and I start to talk on FB Messenger, and we realise that what was originally just going to be a bit of fun is turning into a solid friendship on our part. We talk a lot, chat a lot in the three of my wife and I and her. We help her move apartment.

We are some of the people she turns to when she splits from her boyfriend, both before and after, and we stay friends. We agree with her choice of taking time out, getting used to being single again, but continue to chat all the time, and occasionally go out to do things as part of larger groups, all while my wife and her flirt, and while the girl helps me through a bad depressive episode that took me out of work.

Whilst Wiki surfing one day, I come across a word. 'Compersion', and I realise that this is what we feel. I feel happy that my wife flirts with the girl, and I can feel her happiness. My wife feels happy that I have a new, deep friend, and our friend is happy that what she thought was honestly just going to be a bit of fun has blossomed.

We all go to Disney, with a larger group, for Gay Days. When my wife feels ill, part way through a day, our girl doesn't hesitate. She just reacts, and together, we look after my wife that evening. The next day, whilst waiting for the fireworks in Magic Kingdom, our entire group lies down in a pile, but it is noticeable that my wife and the girl are lying together, with me on the other side of my wife. Then, the girl comes out and asks where I am, am I included, and actively includes me and we lie, part of a larger group,but together.

Over the next couple of days, the girl and I reveal that what went on in the trip surprised us both. There was more feeling around than expected, and when I come out and say that I have been reading for a couple of days, and feel that this feels like a nascent polyam relationship, she doesn't disagree,and doesn't back off. I make it clear that we know she isn't ready to date anyone, but she does admit that something may happen one night, and that we are right to be ready

Last weekend, we went out, with another friend of hers. After a party, we settle back to watch her friend's suggested movie... Prof. Marston and the Wonder Women... (her friend is not subtle). We settle down on the couch. I'm lying with the girls head on my shoulders, arms around her, and she's holding my wife, and that is how we drift to sleep. At other times on the next day, we loop around each other.

And that is whereupon I started to look around, find resources, fond what looked like some bad resources, and found this forum. She was impressed by this, as she had been involved in a poly relationship in the past, and was pleased that I had looked into it.
 
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But in the end it fizzled.. and I'm feel that it ended up nowhere, because I was myself.

We talked a lot at the beginning, chatting, calling, finding out about each other. Call it New Friendship Energy. I cared for her. If she was on a long trip, I'd ask her to let me know she got there OK. I'd say Goodnight, and Good Morning, and I hope the day goes well.

In the end, she let me know she appreciated the friendship, but feels overwhelmed by the caring. She was OK with asking for help getting to work, Ok accepting help when she was skint. Ok with saying 'I want to be real and honest', doing something risky, but then feeling overwhelmed when I sent a few texts the next morning asking if she was OK.

Could it have been passive aggressive in my part? Sure, I can see that. Could I get sarcastic? Sure, a little. But in the end, someone I gave a fuck about, push me away, because I gave a fuck about her. I had warned her that I was a worry wart, with anxiety.

Right now, close to two weeks after our conversation, we have started to talk again,so and if in the end it's a friendship, then that's OK.

I saw a Tedx talk about friendships the other day, that hit some notes. There are levels of friendship, with the greater the vulnerability you show to each other, the greater the intimacy. I felt that,ultimately, was missing.

Now, however, the cat is out of the bag, and I want to explore more....
 
So, we had already arranged, before the sort of breakdown detailed above, that we would go to see a gig together, just the three of us. That was last night.

It fell into the same fun routine, at least for my wife and the Chica. They laughed, they flirted, and we all had fun.

We're now back to discussing a trip to Disney in a couple of weeks.
 
So, where are we?

The relationship with the Chica is a friendship. It's obvious that she wants to contact us on her terms, and that's fine.

However, as I had said, that cat was out of the bag so to speak, so the wife and I have talked, so whilst not openly looking, we are both comfy with the idea that if opportunities present themselves, then we are open to exploring.
 
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