Redpepper's journey

I love guests! :D

I've got nothing against guests in your room, Lilo. It's the idea of people entering my space, like the kitchen or bathroom, and using the main entrance that disturbs me. It points out that although this could be potentially much better for us, it isn't quite ideal. Ideally we would have completely separate suites so I can maintain my reclusiveness and you can hosts friends from all over. :)

Only a month and a half and our trial begins!! Scary and exciting. :)
 
I've got nothing against guests in your room Lilo. It's the idea of people entering my space like the kitchen or bathroom and using the main entrance that disturbs me. It points out that although this could be potentially much better for us, it isn't quite ideal. Ideally we would have completely seperate suites so I can maintain my reclussiveness and you can hosts friends from all over :)

Only a month and a half and our trial begins!! Scary and exciting :)

hahaha RP's guests are going to have to crawl through her window. Hey, wait a minute. I might be one of those guests. Maybe it's not so funny! :D
 
I find it interesting that I will now be living with TWO men who are not into guests. While appreciate that they like their haven, I love guests! :D

Give them the downstairs. You and the boy take the upstairs. You can have your guests, the hermits can have their cave. ;)
 
Give them the downstairs, you and the boy take the upstairs and you can have your guests, the hermits can have their cave ;)

Not funny. Hermits don't like to cohabitate with each other either. It defeats the purpose. ;)
 
hahaha RPs guests are going to have to crawl through her window. Hey wait a minute I might be one of those guests...maybe it's not so funny! :D

I would expect you to enter through the main entrance of the house or the side door. If things work out, we will be joining the upper and lower floors with a doorway. Time will tell!
 
I am terrible with transitions at the best of times and don't like surprises. I need to know when something is going to start and end and need to be aware that things are going to happen. It doesn't mean that I don't like surprises, if I know they are coming. And I need time to come down from things.

I experienced that whole saying goodbye thing yesterday with Mono, a transition. We had a fun day hanging out together as a family, but it was strained. The boy was going through... something. As a result, he was rude, demanding, self-centered all day. I know he is a child and that is what kids do, but it was excessive, I felt. He is an only child and gets his way often. I felt justified in making sure that all of our needs are being met and not just his. So I insisted that we listen to everyone's favorite music in the car, etc.

When Mono gave me his warning that he was going to leave soon, I felt the beginning of my heartstrings tugging. When he leaves I feel as if my world is not balanced, not right. I felt it more than usual yesterday because he was leaving after a day of intensity. I didn't feel like we had a chance to come back down into normality yet, and he was leaving. There was no closure on it all.

I will be so glad when he isn't leaving and will be going downstairs. I loathe the whole standing at the door routine we have, where everyone else is standing there with me, all saying goodbye, and I don't get a moment to connect. I walked out to his truck to try and find that moment where my heart didn't ache, but I didn't get it. All the neighbors watch us to try and figure out what is going on, so all we can do is just stand there and whisper to each other that we love each other.

Mono is different from me. He was ready to go and already closed off from me in order to get on to his evening of silence, movies, alone time and relaxing. I get jealous sometimes of his ability to close off from others and not feel torn.

Not that he goes home and doesn't think about me and miss me, but he relishes his time and is quite capable of transitioning into it. It took me a good two to three hours to feel present again after yesterday. By that time PN and I were at a dinner party for my sister-in-law's dad and I was in a totally different situation. I felt myself coming out of myself and relaxing into the situation I was in.

It's no wonder I was not mentally present during my early days with Mono. I don't think I ever transitioned out of that feeling I get after being with him. I am pretty sure that my family noticed I was clocked out during those days and were upset that I was not paying attention. I used to be a family organizer, and during that time I did nothing. I'm sure it was noticeable. It has since balanced. I have handed over some of the organizational stuff to others.

I wonder what this move will bring. I am concerned that Mono won't get the time he needs. I am concerned that I will get the time I need to have space and time to myself and that I won't want to surface from that again.

What of the transition time? What of the heartstrings tugging? Will that all exist if Mono is downstairs? What of this morning when it was just us in the house, PN and me? If the boy is at his grandparents' for the night and we have a night to ourselves, what of Mono in the basement? Am I going to be okay with not going to him when he is so readily available, just to not feel that ache and not have that transition? I don't know, and I'm nervous.
 
Would it help if each of you made a list of your fears and concerns that the others can see and refer back to? Sometimes it helps to know someone else is watching out for your fears/concerns.
 
Great post, Lilo. I am very good at transitioning, but I have been trained to do that over a twenty year career of going away from home for months on end. I don't feel spacial separation as separation at all, for the most part.

We're all nervous about how things will change or not change. I'll do my best to support you and know the same will be returned. Getting a door put in to connect the house could be more of a priority than we originally thought.

I hope that transition feeling does go away, though. I know you worry about getting similar private time as we have now. We'll all work towards building something that works for all of us.

I love you. :D
 
Great post Lilo. I am very good at transitioning but I have been trained to do that over a twenty year career of going away from home for months on end. I don't feel spacial separation as separation at all for the most part.

We're all nervous about how things will change or not change. I'll do my best to support you and know the same will be returned. Getting a door put in to connect the house could be more of a priority than originally thought.

You guys are great! I'm having many deep thoughts lately, and for some reason, I was very struck by the symbolism of the door. A door represents so much-- opportunity (gained and potentially lost), boundaries and promise. I hope that all of you benefit greatly from the new opportunities that abound!

Hugs
 
Would it help if each of you made a list of your fears and concerns that the others can see and refer back to? Sometimes it helps to know someone else is watching out for your fears/concerns.

Thanks, SNeacail. We are writing back and forth as things come up and processing constantly. Fears come up and are talked about,then brought up again. I'm not a list person, due to my dyslexia, I think. Mental list on full alert though. :D

The door symbolism is huge for me. It takes on so much meaning. It can be locked, invite, smells merge when it is open, sounds, cats wandering in and out. It means space can be closed off and we can have time together.

So much to a door. The house would become a house, rather than a duplex. Very symbolic of how we are doing and what we all mean to each other.
 
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This morning, I realized when Mono dropped me off in front of my house, and the neighbor was looking out the window wondering "What the....?" that when I spend the night in my room, he can come in and kiss me and snuggle with me before he leaves for work. No nosy neighbor, no getting up at the crack of dawn to be driven home, only to sit and wait for everyone to wake up, no freezing cold truck first thing in the morning. Ahhhh... that will be nice.

On the other hand, I will miss the window of Mono's bedroom. It faces east and the sun rises and shines on my body as I lie in his bed. There is a field outside the window, with some tall trees that blow in the wind. I will miss that too. Last night the almost full moon and stars shone in as the moon rose and it was a bright as day. We lay drenched in its light and happy. We won't be getting that in a basement suite. With good things to come, there are things that will be missed.
 
No nosy neighbor, no getting up at the crack of dawn to be driven home, only to sit and wait for everyone to wake up, no freezing cold truck first thing in the morning. Ahhhh... that will be nice.

.

I'll buy a picture of the moon for us. :)
 
I will miss the window of Mono's bedroom. It faces East and the sun rises and shines on my body as I lie in his bed. There is a field outside the window with some tall trees that blow in the wind.

Sounds delightful! :) Keep it timestamped in your memory. With every new beginning, there is an end of some sort.
 
Do either of those basement rooms have a view of your garden? You have a beautiful garden. The view will be different, but different isn't bad. And in the summer, you could take a blanket and lie out in the yard and look at the moon.
 
Do either of those basement suite rooms have a view of your garden? You have a beautiful garden, the view will be different but different isn't bad. And in the summer you get a blanket and lie out in the yard and look at the moon.

No garden views, but we will figure it out. Fireplace in the bedroom though. We're getting there fast. I can't wait to start thinking about how to make this better for Redpepper. I'm also curious to see how the increased space works for Polynerdist. I totally imagine him with a desk and books stacked around his computer. :)
 
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