Hello all, I am looking for some search help.
The easy to find advice for monogamous people is to help them cope with a poly Significant Other. But I am probably the least poly of the three of us though both my husband and my SO have lived basically monogamous lives. Neither of them is currently thinking of exploring a poly lifestyle beyond what we have. After more than a year of working things out everyone is feeling pretty secure, the men have a bit of a bromance going, the kids like hanging out with my SO and the hope is to cohabit when my SO returns from an extreme long distance job posting.
But I cannot quite get my mind around it. When I feel a surge of love for one of them I often think “Oh NO! Does that mean I do not really love the other? Have I been leading us all on a wild goose chase?” It feels rather like one of those optical illusions where you can see either one thing or another but not both at once. My mental language of romance is filled with superlatives that do not work with three. I cannot think of either of them as “my dearest love” because I love them both and want to feel romantic about them both. I know there are others here who have been through this, can you advise me as to what search terms to use to focus on the issue of paradigm shift?
The easy to find advice for monogamous people is to help them cope with a poly Significant Other. But I am probably the least poly of the three of us though both my husband and my SO have lived basically monogamous lives. Neither of them is currently thinking of exploring a poly lifestyle beyond what we have. After more than a year of working things out everyone is feeling pretty secure, the men have a bit of a bromance going, the kids like hanging out with my SO and the hope is to cohabit when my SO returns from an extreme long distance job posting.
But I cannot quite get my mind around it. When I feel a surge of love for one of them I often think “Oh NO! Does that mean I do not really love the other? Have I been leading us all on a wild goose chase?” It feels rather like one of those optical illusions where you can see either one thing or another but not both at once. My mental language of romance is filled with superlatives that do not work with three. I cannot think of either of them as “my dearest love” because I love them both and want to feel romantic about them both. I know there are others here who have been through this, can you advise me as to what search terms to use to focus on the issue of paradigm shift?
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