WitchDragon
New member
Okay, so I feel very insecure, stressed and confused at the moment.
My partner and I are polyamorous - we are new to exploring it in physicality, but we are both intuitively sure of it.
Recently my partner developed a strong crush on a female mutual friend, he made moves on her and flirted with her and she reciprocated (she is aware of our poly status) and they kissed a few times at a party we held then she also kissed me and that evolved into a very sexy threesome with a situation that stretched on all week. At first I felt a lot of excitement and compersion - watching him be so horny for her was exciting. However of course I couldn't help notice how much he was drawn to her, because she is new and exciting and incredibly hot (I mean seriously haha) - and I fought off insecurity fairly well at first. I had a couple of moments of feeling a bit left out but I managed it well at the time - he only had sex with me VERY briefly (like literally a few seconds then back to her) and barely touched mel. They also spent a bit of time alone together when I had work which made me feel sensitive but I also felt like it was good for them. Then we all stayed at a friends house (a very poly accepting space) for a couple nights. The first night we just cuddled and kissed and I felt close to them both. I did feel a bit left out that they cuddled more then me but I accept it is hard to be equal with three in bed. Then the next day we communicated and shared thoughts and feelings and I felt very close to her as she said she feels really excited about being with me (I'm the first female she has ever slept with!) and when we had sex later on she focused on me a lot and made me feel really wanted and included. We also both went down on him and it was really obvious he was enjoying it more when she was in control, I found this pretty painful but I got over it. The next day me and him left to go home together and it kind of all crashed in on me, I just felt like all week he was cuddling her and kissing her and not really seeing me or desiring me, on the drive home I voiced my insecurities and cried and felt very sensitive and scared of losing him or being seen as less beautiful or special, and how after two years of being together someone else can give him better pleasure then me, and he said her mouth was physically nicer because it's softer and she has full lips which just really broke me. I felt so gutted. It was has always been a really important part of our sex life and I felt like connected to giving him oral pleasure that hearing that just really fucking crushed me. I began to feel wound up and found it difficult not to criticise the situation. I really felt like his commitment to me was already waning and that he was prizing someone he barely knows over myself and I have shown him so much loyalty and patience in our relationship. The worst thing is I know I've been really absorbed in someone too before and probably did the same thing without even being aware... In fact I definitely had a phase of being really sexually attracted to another person and when around them would always focus on them a lot. Now I feel really shit about it. I also feel really really sexually attracted to my partner again at the moment, so it's even more painful feeling his disconnection. We did make love alone the other night and it did feel beautiful but I can't shake off the fear.
Last night he went out with her and some friends (I couldn't come because of work) and that made me feel really fragile. He was really good though, he texted me a lot and even called me twice, but I ended up having a bit of a crazed mental break down anyway in the bath... Partly because a guy that I live with who is my ex-partner and best friend said "Oh yeah she is hottest girl I know" and when I said "oi!?" his reply was "your the second!" which just made me burst into tears and run away and hide. He isn't a dick he's just really autistic sometimes. I ended up calling the girl I have feelings for and she came over to cuddle and kiss me and soothe me better (and feed my ego by saying "whaaat I find you way hotter then her") - and yeah. I know it sounds pathetic because my partner is doing his best and the new woman is being really gentle and loving but I feel really fragile about the NRE I am seeing between them both. It's ridiculous because I know in my heart what I really want for him is his freedom, happiness and sexual liberty. But we're so close, so alike, we share all our dreams and hopes, it felt like we were building something incredible... Which I always wanted to be poly too, but now I feel terrified it's all going to slip away.
My partner and I are polyamorous - we are new to exploring it in physicality, but we are both intuitively sure of it.
Recently my partner developed a strong crush on a female mutual friend, he made moves on her and flirted with her and she reciprocated (she is aware of our poly status) and they kissed a few times at a party we held then she also kissed me and that evolved into a very sexy threesome with a situation that stretched on all week. At first I felt a lot of excitement and compersion - watching him be so horny for her was exciting. However of course I couldn't help notice how much he was drawn to her, because she is new and exciting and incredibly hot (I mean seriously haha) - and I fought off insecurity fairly well at first. I had a couple of moments of feeling a bit left out but I managed it well at the time - he only had sex with me VERY briefly (like literally a few seconds then back to her) and barely touched mel. They also spent a bit of time alone together when I had work which made me feel sensitive but I also felt like it was good for them. Then we all stayed at a friends house (a very poly accepting space) for a couple nights. The first night we just cuddled and kissed and I felt close to them both. I did feel a bit left out that they cuddled more then me but I accept it is hard to be equal with three in bed. Then the next day we communicated and shared thoughts and feelings and I felt very close to her as she said she feels really excited about being with me (I'm the first female she has ever slept with!) and when we had sex later on she focused on me a lot and made me feel really wanted and included. We also both went down on him and it was really obvious he was enjoying it more when she was in control, I found this pretty painful but I got over it. The next day me and him left to go home together and it kind of all crashed in on me, I just felt like all week he was cuddling her and kissing her and not really seeing me or desiring me, on the drive home I voiced my insecurities and cried and felt very sensitive and scared of losing him or being seen as less beautiful or special, and how after two years of being together someone else can give him better pleasure then me, and he said her mouth was physically nicer because it's softer and she has full lips which just really broke me. I felt so gutted. It was has always been a really important part of our sex life and I felt like connected to giving him oral pleasure that hearing that just really fucking crushed me. I began to feel wound up and found it difficult not to criticise the situation. I really felt like his commitment to me was already waning and that he was prizing someone he barely knows over myself and I have shown him so much loyalty and patience in our relationship. The worst thing is I know I've been really absorbed in someone too before and probably did the same thing without even being aware... In fact I definitely had a phase of being really sexually attracted to another person and when around them would always focus on them a lot. Now I feel really shit about it. I also feel really really sexually attracted to my partner again at the moment, so it's even more painful feeling his disconnection. We did make love alone the other night and it did feel beautiful but I can't shake off the fear.
Last night he went out with her and some friends (I couldn't come because of work) and that made me feel really fragile. He was really good though, he texted me a lot and even called me twice, but I ended up having a bit of a crazed mental break down anyway in the bath... Partly because a guy that I live with who is my ex-partner and best friend said "Oh yeah she is hottest girl I know" and when I said "oi!?" his reply was "your the second!" which just made me burst into tears and run away and hide. He isn't a dick he's just really autistic sometimes. I ended up calling the girl I have feelings for and she came over to cuddle and kiss me and soothe me better (and feed my ego by saying "whaaat I find you way hotter then her") - and yeah. I know it sounds pathetic because my partner is doing his best and the new woman is being really gentle and loving but I feel really fragile about the NRE I am seeing between them both. It's ridiculous because I know in my heart what I really want for him is his freedom, happiness and sexual liberty. But we're so close, so alike, we share all our dreams and hopes, it felt like we were building something incredible... Which I always wanted to be poly too, but now I feel terrified it's all going to slip away.