MyFickleHeart
New member
Hello friends!
Sorry in advance for the long post! I am having a difficult time and am hoping this community can offer my some guidance. I have been engaged to my fiancé (BF of 4 years) for just over a year. I am a touring musician and my career has been picking up really heavily lately with my two touring original projects! At the same time I'm 33 (going on 34) and we're thinking about kids in a few years. My life dream has always been to take music as far as I can and I know that although I am fit and feel in the prime of my life, my music career also has an expiry in the capacity that I am doing it now. I feel this is my shot! Our wedding is supposed to be in 7 months and nothing is planned or booked yet.
My fiancé and I talked about an open relationship after a year or so and it made sense (arose totally organically) that we pursue that when I'm away on tour. It made me happy knowing he was happy and free when I was away and it felt good for him too. I actually never slept with anyone else, but he did a couple of times.
On this last tour of Australia, I met with an old friend (we'll call him OF). We had always had a close bond and been affectionate with one another, in a totally plutonic way (though we had a certain special spark between us). He lives in Australia but I met him here, in Canada, just a little before I met my fiancé (and I told my fiancé about my special friendship with him). He moved back to Australia and over the years we've kept in touch here and there and always supported each other when in need. When I saw him, got to hug him and be around him, I felt something strong I hadn't felt with him before. A powerful attraction. He felt it too. Fireworks. From then on I could barely eat or sleep...
We ended up spending two magical days together and it was completely mind-blowingly amazing for both of us. The way we can talk to each other is something I have rarely experienced but there is also incredible fiery sexual chemistry and connection. Even though this was technically within the consensual bounds of my relationship, it has completely thrown me for a loop. I told my fiancé when I got home a few days later (just a few days ago)... He just smiled and shrugged it off "I'm glad he was good to you and that you had fun". I said... "thank you but, how do you feel about it that it might happen again - when I tour there again? I just feel a real connection to him, it was really nice" he said "as long as you're here, with me, in my bed, I am fine with that - I don't see him as a threat". I recently bought "the ethical slut" and I told my fiancé I thought we should both read it and continue to have more open conversations.
Since then I have talked (or messaged) OF every day for long periods. We just relive our encounter and old memories, want to know everything about each other and he's so unbelievable. I felt that it was important to bring this up to my fiancé and keep everything in the open. This time my fiancé got very upset and scared I was leaving him, but kept saying he still wants to be together and is happy with me. I told him we should postpone the wedding and do some thinking. I feel confused - I still love my fiancé, he's been my rock. The pull of OF is very powerful and has blindsided me. I am considering poly but this is new territory. I don't want to be selfish - I posted this in another forum (one that clearly wasn't familiar with open relationships) and they ripped me apart. Please help!!
Sorry in advance for the long post! I am having a difficult time and am hoping this community can offer my some guidance. I have been engaged to my fiancé (BF of 4 years) for just over a year. I am a touring musician and my career has been picking up really heavily lately with my two touring original projects! At the same time I'm 33 (going on 34) and we're thinking about kids in a few years. My life dream has always been to take music as far as I can and I know that although I am fit and feel in the prime of my life, my music career also has an expiry in the capacity that I am doing it now. I feel this is my shot! Our wedding is supposed to be in 7 months and nothing is planned or booked yet.
My fiancé and I talked about an open relationship after a year or so and it made sense (arose totally organically) that we pursue that when I'm away on tour. It made me happy knowing he was happy and free when I was away and it felt good for him too. I actually never slept with anyone else, but he did a couple of times.
On this last tour of Australia, I met with an old friend (we'll call him OF). We had always had a close bond and been affectionate with one another, in a totally plutonic way (though we had a certain special spark between us). He lives in Australia but I met him here, in Canada, just a little before I met my fiancé (and I told my fiancé about my special friendship with him). He moved back to Australia and over the years we've kept in touch here and there and always supported each other when in need. When I saw him, got to hug him and be around him, I felt something strong I hadn't felt with him before. A powerful attraction. He felt it too. Fireworks. From then on I could barely eat or sleep...
We ended up spending two magical days together and it was completely mind-blowingly amazing for both of us. The way we can talk to each other is something I have rarely experienced but there is also incredible fiery sexual chemistry and connection. Even though this was technically within the consensual bounds of my relationship, it has completely thrown me for a loop. I told my fiancé when I got home a few days later (just a few days ago)... He just smiled and shrugged it off "I'm glad he was good to you and that you had fun". I said... "thank you but, how do you feel about it that it might happen again - when I tour there again? I just feel a real connection to him, it was really nice" he said "as long as you're here, with me, in my bed, I am fine with that - I don't see him as a threat". I recently bought "the ethical slut" and I told my fiancé I thought we should both read it and continue to have more open conversations.
Since then I have talked (or messaged) OF every day for long periods. We just relive our encounter and old memories, want to know everything about each other and he's so unbelievable. I felt that it was important to bring this up to my fiancé and keep everything in the open. This time my fiancé got very upset and scared I was leaving him, but kept saying he still wants to be together and is happy with me. I told him we should postpone the wedding and do some thinking. I feel confused - I still love my fiancé, he's been my rock. The pull of OF is very powerful and has blindsided me. I am considering poly but this is new territory. I don't want to be selfish - I posted this in another forum (one that clearly wasn't familiar with open relationships) and they ripped me apart. Please help!!