Hi all. I'm sorry if this is a bit long, but I really could use some perspective on a very troubling situation. My name is Jenny and I stumbled upon polyamory just two short months ago. I came across the term when researching open relationships after my boyfriend of two years, Cory, expressed interest in such things. I had many times made my interest in him finding another woman known, both because I felt that he would benefit from the attention and affection from another woman due to the fact that I'm a very busy student, but I too wanted to wanted some of the aforementioned female attention.
Upon discovering and researching polyamory, I completely fell in love with the practice. My partner started dating other women, and I began conversing with a married poly man, who I will call Tad. Tad and his wife had previously participated in a triad with another woman, and were both committed to the lifestyle. I quickly fell for him, madly. By chance, my partner met Tad's wife, Anabelle. Cory and Anabelle connected seemingly as well as Tad and I. Following his first date with Anabelle, Cory confessed to me that he hasn't felt the way he did on a first date with her since our first date. Everything seemed to progress well until our first sexual experiences with one another (Cory and Anabelle at his place and Tad and I at Tad and Anabelle's). Cory became exceedingly jealous of my sexual relationship with Tad, and two weeks ago, our relationships hit a speed bump. Christmas eve, Cory shared with Anabelle that he believed in having primary partners; i.e. I was his and she was somehow secondary to her. I must admit, primary partners were something we had discussion many weeks previous to the disagreement, but I felt that we both had changed our minds on this, and felt that all relationships must become equal as they matured. Cory was reluctant to shake the idea of primaries, but he agreed to try to open his heart and let the quad blossom.
Enthusiastic and ready to allow myself to love, I thought we were all finally on the road to a happy multiple romance. Cory found himself forever the reluctant participant, and following our night all together on New Year's Eve, began independently deciding that he wanted out. Yesterday evening, he confessed to me that he did not know if he would ever love Anabelle the way I want him to. I was hurt and shocked to find that he felt that I was forcing him into a relationship with her. I confided in him in a panic that I had fallen in love with Tad, and did not know if I could part with him, or Anabelle. Today, we were all thrown into chaos as I tried to break the news to my new favorite couple. Both have cut ties with me and told me to focus on Cory, and that we are not ready for poly. I agree with this. "We" are not ready for poly; however, "I" am. I feel that I have found something I never knew was missing. Poly has quickly become exactly what I want for my relationships, however this may mean that I may have to leave my partner of two years behind. I'm lost and I miss Tad and Anabelle more than I ever thought possible. Any insight anyone may have would certainly be welcome.
Upon discovering and researching polyamory, I completely fell in love with the practice. My partner started dating other women, and I began conversing with a married poly man, who I will call Tad. Tad and his wife had previously participated in a triad with another woman, and were both committed to the lifestyle. I quickly fell for him, madly. By chance, my partner met Tad's wife, Anabelle. Cory and Anabelle connected seemingly as well as Tad and I. Following his first date with Anabelle, Cory confessed to me that he hasn't felt the way he did on a first date with her since our first date. Everything seemed to progress well until our first sexual experiences with one another (Cory and Anabelle at his place and Tad and I at Tad and Anabelle's). Cory became exceedingly jealous of my sexual relationship with Tad, and two weeks ago, our relationships hit a speed bump. Christmas eve, Cory shared with Anabelle that he believed in having primary partners; i.e. I was his and she was somehow secondary to her. I must admit, primary partners were something we had discussion many weeks previous to the disagreement, but I felt that we both had changed our minds on this, and felt that all relationships must become equal as they matured. Cory was reluctant to shake the idea of primaries, but he agreed to try to open his heart and let the quad blossom.
Enthusiastic and ready to allow myself to love, I thought we were all finally on the road to a happy multiple romance. Cory found himself forever the reluctant participant, and following our night all together on New Year's Eve, began independently deciding that he wanted out. Yesterday evening, he confessed to me that he did not know if he would ever love Anabelle the way I want him to. I was hurt and shocked to find that he felt that I was forcing him into a relationship with her. I confided in him in a panic that I had fallen in love with Tad, and did not know if I could part with him, or Anabelle. Today, we were all thrown into chaos as I tried to break the news to my new favorite couple. Both have cut ties with me and told me to focus on Cory, and that we are not ready for poly. I agree with this. "We" are not ready for poly; however, "I" am. I feel that I have found something I never knew was missing. Poly has quickly become exactly what I want for my relationships, however this may mean that I may have to leave my partner of two years behind. I'm lost and I miss Tad and Anabelle more than I ever thought possible. Any insight anyone may have would certainly be welcome.
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