I have a lot of sympathy for FemmePoly. When I left college severely depressed and moved back home, I was home all the time while my parents both worked, yet I couldn't get any chores or cleaning done because I was struggling daily with depression and anxiety. My mom was kind of mad at me because it wasn't clear what I was doing all day (and indeed I wasn't doing much except lying around consumed by anxiety). A neighbor of ours finally recommended we hire her cleaning person, and we did, and it was a great solution.
Having someone else do the cleaning actually really helped my anxiety significantly (along with other mental health treatment options). Soon after, I got a part-time job, was able to contribute to paying the cleaning person, and then went back to school.
I still can't stand cleaning--it's just not a chore I like. I always budget in a cleaning service into my living arrangements.
I'm pretty messy in general, so I would not be a good candidate for your "Chore Wife Needed" search.
I'm of two minds about your boyfriend. 1) He sounds like a man-child. 2) But also, my partner has similar issues where he can't "see" mess. It drives me nuts, I've accepted that this is just how he is, and it's balanced by other things he is awesome at.
ALSO I DO NOT LIVE WITH HIM AND NEVER WOULD. Also he has a cleaning service that comes even more frequently than mine.
I think you are missing a solution that might be even better than "find a second wife to help do chores and clean-up after my man-child." Which is: STOP LIVING TOGETHER. Live separately. Get apartments next to each other, or two halves of a duplex, or whatever.
Partners can live separately and still be committed. I identify as solo poly, meaning that I do not want to live with a partner. It is awesome.
I also agree with what others have said: it sounds like he wants you to make chore lists for him, he needs lists and doesn't feel like you are nagging when you do it. My mom was like you with my dad--she FIERCELY resented that she had to make lists and remind and remind and remind him to do basic things. She never accepted it--that my dad functions really well when you give him a chore list, even though it is like giving such a list to a child. He's happy getting lists--but my mom never allows herself to be happy making him lists.
Also, I think you are conflating two separate issues here: the cleaning problem and the to-have-or-not-to-have-children issue. Two different things.
If you feel like you can't raise children because of your mental health issues, are you happy with that decision? Or do you wish you could raise children? Do you hope your boyfriend will have children with someone else and that you could be a part of raising them?
Does it bother you that he won't marry you unless you agree to bear his children?
Just questions to think about. I don't mean any judgment by them--my living-separately-partner might want to have a children some day, but I don't, but I hope he finds someone else to have them with while still being able to date me. I would be happy being an auntie to his kids. And yeah, he would probably marry the person he has kids with, but won't marry me. But that works for me and my life.