I took the survey. There were a few things I found problematic with it.
First of all, I think all surveys that are asking questions about a variety of lifestyles and approaches to relationships should have a blank space at the end of each page where people can qualify their answers in their own words. I felt that many of the choices offered were limiting and not accurate for some of the questions, so it was hard to answer in a way that felt authentic to me.
At the very beginning, the choices we had to select from regarding what kind of relationships we have were:
- Closed marriage -Married to one person of either the same or opposite sex
- Open marriage- Married to one person of the same or opposite sex; we are open to sexual and/or romantic relationships with other people
- Group marriage- Married to multiple people(male, female, etc) and this is an agreed-upon arrangement
- Polyandrous- A relationship involving multiple husbands and this is an agreed-upon arrangement
- Polygynous- A relationship involving multiple wives and this is an agreed-upon arrangment
- Polyamorous- A relationship with more than one person and this is an agreed-upon arrangement
- Polyfidelitous- A relationship with multiple people, but do not have sex with anyone out of this group. This is an agreed-upon arrangement
- Friends with Benefits- Regularly engaging in sexual intercourse and/or other sexually-related activities with friends(s) to whom there is no romantic commitment
- Dating exclusively- Dating one person
- Dating non-exclusively- Dating more than one person
The problem with the above is that there was only one choice we could make. For example, I practice solo polyamory. So, I could choose three that would apply: *Polyamorous, *Friends with Benefits, and *Dating Non-exclusively. How I interpret those three choices is that I practice and am open to having multiple ongoing, loving relationships while also having more casual, mostly sexually-focused loving relationships with friends, and dating people whenever I feel like it.
I think there would also be people in a few of the other categories who would also be able to say they engage in FWB relationships and dating as well whatever type of poly they practice.
Next, I found this wording troublesome:
Please indicate the number of partners in this relationship. If you are not currently in a relationship, please answer regarding your most recent relationship.
"In this relationship?" How about "in these relationships?" The current wording came across to me that, if someone indicates they have three partners (as an example), you (the survey makers) are assuming they are all part of one relationship. Many, many polyamorists keep their relationships separate from each other. As a solo polyamorist, that wording bothered me.
Additionally, just as an aside, I refer to my lovers as lovers (or lover-friends) rather than partners. I see a difference between someone who is solely a sex partner and someone who is a relationship partner, and I had the sense that this survey was more focused on relationship partners -- IOW, having a certain kind of commitment to a partnership. I see the word "partner" as someone who is involved in making decisions about my life and my actions, like a spouse or a business partner. Since I am the only one responsible for my life and how I conduct my relationships, and I do not have to run anything by anyone I'm involved with, the people I get involved with could be more than FWBs, but not a "partner" because carries some kind of obligation with it that "lover" doesn't, in my mind. Anyway...
Like others here have stated, I also have a problem with all of the questions about a "Primary Partner." Like many many other polyfolk, I do not assign any hierarchy to my love relationships. No one is primary, secondary, or ranked in any way. As far as I am concerned, hierarchy has no place in loving relationships. Everyone with whom I am involved is equally as important to me, and no one's needs come before anyone else's unless there is a big emergency.
Finally, I did not like this wording:
Imagine that you find out that your partner has fallen in love with another person. Your partner has become deeply emotionally attached to this other person, and thoughts of this other person consume your partner’s every thought.
Consuming every thought? It is possible to love one person, then fall in love with another person without being consumed all day by constant thoughts of them. I felt that there was some faulty logic applied to composing this question. So, while I would be happy for someone I love to be in love with someone else, it would be an issue if I were in their company and they were consumed by thoughts about someone else. Or consumed by thoughts of anything else for that matter, because I like my lovers to be present with me when we're together. I like to think that most people I would be involved with are mature and self-aware, and can manage multiple relationships while still being able to be present in the rest of their life. So, for me, the "consuming every thought" bit really colored my answers. For example, I would be off-the-charts totally happy for them to be in love with another, but I answered "Somewhat" happy because I had to imagine them being totally consumed by thoughts of another while with me.
Same logic applies to the question that came after that about them being sexual with someone else.
Anyway, I hope you (the researchers) find our feedback useful and include it along with the survey results when you analyze the data.