Well I originally came to this site to complain of my current situation. But in doing so I realized through the advice I found here and elsewhere that I already knew what needed to be done.
I see so many hurting on here in ways I was too, some I have since come to terms with. Much if my distress was manufactured by me and the rest was normal to what is happening.
I had allowed my wife a girlfriend, not knowing that it would become more than friends for them. Over the course of the first month they fell for eachother so deeply I found myself uncomfortable with it, not the relationship but realizing my wife now loved me and her GF. It really screwed me up on numerous fronts and I made some mistakes in judgement. The biggest were expecting her to be psychic and pulling away from her.
I have began to make changes to my actions. I have also gone from wanting to be alienated from the situation with her GF to opening the door to friendship with her. In doing so I saw that both GF and I are very similar in regards to my beautiful wife. There were a couple events the past weekend that started a bond between us that opened the door to not being awkward about the way things are.
I am posting this because I want to say from this experience that the advice I have seen about partners in I guess a V triad(Me-Wife-GF not all together) that there needs to be a togetherness of all parties involved to make it work is good. It doesn't mean all issues will be easy just that we all must make it work. Otherwise my wife will play monkey in the middle and grow weary of most likely both of us.
I am hoping for the best here and that myself and GF will gain understanding of one another and use that to help all of us out.
It is not what I would have chosen to have happen and I am accepting of my part in all of this. That was where I was struggling was finding acceptance that I was OK to be jealous and worried, OK to have doubts. But also that it was not OK to be upset because I was starting to find myself caring about this other person who had smitten my wife. It was very much a relief to decide to work with the situation and not shut down because of it and my perceptions.
I see so many hurting on here in ways I was too, some I have since come to terms with. Much if my distress was manufactured by me and the rest was normal to what is happening.
I had allowed my wife a girlfriend, not knowing that it would become more than friends for them. Over the course of the first month they fell for eachother so deeply I found myself uncomfortable with it, not the relationship but realizing my wife now loved me and her GF. It really screwed me up on numerous fronts and I made some mistakes in judgement. The biggest were expecting her to be psychic and pulling away from her.
I have began to make changes to my actions. I have also gone from wanting to be alienated from the situation with her GF to opening the door to friendship with her. In doing so I saw that both GF and I are very similar in regards to my beautiful wife. There were a couple events the past weekend that started a bond between us that opened the door to not being awkward about the way things are.
I am posting this because I want to say from this experience that the advice I have seen about partners in I guess a V triad(Me-Wife-GF not all together) that there needs to be a togetherness of all parties involved to make it work is good. It doesn't mean all issues will be easy just that we all must make it work. Otherwise my wife will play monkey in the middle and grow weary of most likely both of us.
I am hoping for the best here and that myself and GF will gain understanding of one another and use that to help all of us out.
It is not what I would have chosen to have happen and I am accepting of my part in all of this. That was where I was struggling was finding acceptance that I was OK to be jealous and worried, OK to have doubts. But also that it was not OK to be upset because I was starting to find myself caring about this other person who had smitten my wife. It was very much a relief to decide to work with the situation and not shut down because of it and my perceptions.