metandwessy
New member
I've read so many articles about how to handle NRE. How to wait for it to pass and to keep maintaining your current partnerships. I've seen it come and go in the past but this time feels different. I think I've been doing a pretty good job of it but I'm still struggling and I don't know if I'm thinking rationally or if I'm still just colored by NRE.
Quick summary of all involved. I've been with my nesting partner T for 4 years. We live together, have talked about having kids together and are best friends. Our relationship has finally come to a place in the last year that feels so effortless and cool. We communicate beautifully, support each other's interests and growth, rarely have jealousy arise and if we do, we have learned to help each other through it at lightning speed. I really don't want to lose him because I have no complaints and I do feel truly happy and supported and loved. But I've fallen hard for someone new and I'm having all sorts of crazy thoughts.
My newest partner A has been dating R for about the same amount of time and they live together and have talked about marriage and kids and all that too. The four of us have been friends for nearly the length of our relationships (3.5 yrs). A and I have always had a friendship but unexpectedly, about 6 months ago, it turned romantic. And it was like textbook NRE, super passionate, super comfortable, we communicate effortlessly and have an intuitive understanding of each other. He's similar to T in all the good ways and he is different than T in so many good ways too. I could truly see a long term partnership with A and we've even talked about this. So that's all great except..
I feel like I'm having impure thoughts of running away with A and either him leaving R and me leaving T or at least both of us transitioning those relationships to be more secondary (just in living arrangements or time spent etc). More and more, it just seems that A and I are better matched than both me and T and A and R. My concern is, is this just NRE making me have thoughts like this or is it real? I feel guilty because i feel like i'm hiding something from all involved and even betraying both T and R -who is one of my best girl friends. A and I haven't explicitly talked about this but as crazy as it sounds, i feel like we are both intuiting this in each other and we've hinted at scenarios like that but we are both wanting to be careful and ethical and respectful and all that. Also i feel like both of us are scared to say it.
Is this just common and will pass? Should i bring it up to A or T or R? And if so, who first? I'm worried that talking about it will hurt/scare T and R. and I'm scared that maybe talking about it will make it true which sounds dramatic and like a lot of work to uproot our lives. Part of me is hoping it's just irrational NRE-type thoughts or old remnants of monogamous conditioning or something but part of me wants it to be real because I'm so in love and feel like so much of this is based on a real rational assessment of our compatibility and future together. What are your thoughts? Is NRE always something that passes or is it a catalyst to changes that can and should happen? How to know which is which?!?
Quick summary of all involved. I've been with my nesting partner T for 4 years. We live together, have talked about having kids together and are best friends. Our relationship has finally come to a place in the last year that feels so effortless and cool. We communicate beautifully, support each other's interests and growth, rarely have jealousy arise and if we do, we have learned to help each other through it at lightning speed. I really don't want to lose him because I have no complaints and I do feel truly happy and supported and loved. But I've fallen hard for someone new and I'm having all sorts of crazy thoughts.
My newest partner A has been dating R for about the same amount of time and they live together and have talked about marriage and kids and all that too. The four of us have been friends for nearly the length of our relationships (3.5 yrs). A and I have always had a friendship but unexpectedly, about 6 months ago, it turned romantic. And it was like textbook NRE, super passionate, super comfortable, we communicate effortlessly and have an intuitive understanding of each other. He's similar to T in all the good ways and he is different than T in so many good ways too. I could truly see a long term partnership with A and we've even talked about this. So that's all great except..
I feel like I'm having impure thoughts of running away with A and either him leaving R and me leaving T or at least both of us transitioning those relationships to be more secondary (just in living arrangements or time spent etc). More and more, it just seems that A and I are better matched than both me and T and A and R. My concern is, is this just NRE making me have thoughts like this or is it real? I feel guilty because i feel like i'm hiding something from all involved and even betraying both T and R -who is one of my best girl friends. A and I haven't explicitly talked about this but as crazy as it sounds, i feel like we are both intuiting this in each other and we've hinted at scenarios like that but we are both wanting to be careful and ethical and respectful and all that. Also i feel like both of us are scared to say it.
Is this just common and will pass? Should i bring it up to A or T or R? And if so, who first? I'm worried that talking about it will hurt/scare T and R. and I'm scared that maybe talking about it will make it true which sounds dramatic and like a lot of work to uproot our lives. Part of me is hoping it's just irrational NRE-type thoughts or old remnants of monogamous conditioning or something but part of me wants it to be real because I'm so in love and feel like so much of this is based on a real rational assessment of our compatibility and future together. What are your thoughts? Is NRE always something that passes or is it a catalyst to changes that can and should happen? How to know which is which?!?