Talking it out

I'm sick. It's miserable trying to not completely ignore everything in favor of sleeping. No matter what, I still have to feed a baby. Hubby has stepped up and has done so much work around the house, caring for me, and trying to do everything he can for the baby. Sometimes she just wants mom, though, and I feel horrible that I just don't feel up to playing with her much. Doesn't help that talking makes me hack like I have a hair ball. Yay sinus infections! :rolleyes: I've been munching on garlic cloves like candy, drinking ginger tea, lemon water, and I got some guafenisin which is supposedly okay to take while breastfeeding. I have nothing on the agenda tomorrow, so my plan is to sleep and heal.

Boy had a night without roommates the other day and I couldn't go see him. He was disappointed but says he understands. Hopefully it's true.

If you're looking for things you can do for sinus infections without taking antibiotics, I've always heard good things about neti pots, though I haven't used one myself. The treatment that helps me the most is to mix a little bit of hydrogen peroxide with water (my mix is usually close to one part hydrogen peroxide to three parts water. I suck it up into a straw and tilt my head back a little and release the liquid into one nostril, wait about thirty seconds or so (usually I wait until I can't handle the stinging sensation anymore and then I blow my nose and repeat the same process on the other nostril. If I'm good about doing it when the first symptoms appear, it only takes a few applications (I try to do it at least twice a day, one in the morning and one at night. If I've been unobservant and haven't noticed it until it's firmly established, it takes a little longer to clear it up. It stings but I've had such good success with it I'm willing to deal with the stinging. It stops stinging once you blow your nose.
 
If you're looking for things you can do for sinus infections without taking antibiotics, I've always heard good things about neti pots, though I haven't used one myself. The treatment that helps me the most is to mix a little bit of hydrogen peroxide with water (my mix is usually close to one part hydrogen peroxide to three parts water. I suck it up into a straw and tilt my head back a little and release the liquid into one nostril, wait about thirty seconds or so (usually I wait until I can't handle the stinging sensation anymore and then I blow my nose and repeat the same process on the other nostril. If I'm good about doing it when the first symptoms appear, it only takes a few applications (I try to do it at least twice a day, one in the morning and one at night. If I've been unobservant and haven't noticed it until it's firmly established, it takes a little longer to clear it up. It stings but I've had such good success with it I'm willing to deal with the stinging. It stops stinging once you blow your nose.

I'll have to try that! Honestly neti pots kind of freak me out. lol The thing that stinks is that I wake up feeling mostly fine. A little stuffy, but fully functional. But I know... I know if I actually function then I'll end the day on a horrible note (like yesterday - I had to work for 8 hours and by the time I got home, I was just done).
 
I'm feeling much better, although I have a lingering cough that is quite irritating at night.

Life is still pretty boring. Mother's day is this weekend. I asked Hubby to plan something fun to do. He then threw out a couple of ideas of things HE wanted to do, without considering that it should be something that I would prefer. :rolleyes: Men. Now he may work instead, so I'll get breakfast. That's about it. Boy has said he wants to do something special for me for my first Mother's day as well, which is interesting since holidays aren't his thing. I think I'll get him to take me to sushi tonight, if the baby cooperates.

I wanted to go to the coast so badly. I haven't seen the ocean in over 6 months. That's the longest I've gone since moving to an area within an easily drivable distance. Nobody has time, though, and Hubby won't let me take the little one to the coast without him for her first time anyway. :(

Other than that, things are good. I'm enjoying working in childcare again while maintaining a foot in the door at my old company. I could use some more friend-time, but again. Everyone seems to be too busy. Luckily, I'm an introvert so spending time with Hubby and Boy typically meets my "being social" basic needs. lol
 
Mother's Day came and I got nothing. I was upset so when Hubby ran to the store for something else, he got me a card and a plant. It's a cute plant, so he's been forgiven.

I've been pushing him to have a social life, and he's taken me up on it once! He went out with his coworkers, both of whom he really likes. So, that's good. They both live in the area, too, and one has a wife and young children so I'm hoping we might be able to work out a childcare swap with him. haha. I need a date night that can include spending some time at home having sex!

Things with Boy are good. Stable. A while back I mentioned that I find it unnecessary to tell people I'm poly since they then ask a lot of questions about our structure and we don't really have structure or rules or anything. We just go with the flow and try not to be assholes to each other. Boy then said we should talk about that but we never did. I think it could be an interesting conversation so I might bring it up over dinner tonight.

We do have a few things we prefer. We tell each other any time there's a potential for a new sexual partner (important since we're fluid bonded). I need to know in advance when he's on a date so I don't think he's dead on the side of the road somewhere (we're typically in fairly constant contact so radio silence is concerning if there isn't a reason) AND my crazy insecurity doesn't get triggered (if I don't know, I start imagining that he's trying to replace me or something crazy). He needs to know when I have plans that would keep me away from my phone whether it be work/date/long drive/etc for the side-of-the-road dead potential. That's pretty much it.

Hubby and I at one point wrote out our relationship guidelines (including boundaries, rules, etc), but they've pretty much all been tossed out by now. We should think about it again, maybe. We do so well at working things out as they come up, usually, that it isn't normally a thing we think about.
 
I'm so exhausted. I worked at both jobs this weekend instead of having a day off so there was no break from work or from Mom-ing (little girl went with me for half the day, the other half was physically exhausting anyway). Normally the day that Hubby and I share off, we run errands and he does the diaper changes and such so I just get the fun part and the feeding. Not so much this weekend since he wasn't with us! Boo!

It doesn't help that little girl has hit an age where babies typically have sleep regression. She's still sleeping well, but she's much more fidgety than normal which means I don't sleep as deeply since I'm constantly checking to see if she's just wiggling or if she's actually waking up.

Just physically worn out.

On the plus side, we have our first overnight trip planned for Memorial Day weekend. We'll be traveling just under 2 hours away by car, so it'll be fun to see how that goes. My paranoid brain is already thinking about all the crap we need to pack, though. :rolleyes: Hubby even offered to invite Boy, which I thought was sweet. I didn't bother to pass it on since he has some other things going on, but it was nice.
 
The trip went soooo well! Little girl was awesome, we got to do a lot of fun things, and yes. Boy saw the photos and is now super stoked to go on our own trip next month. I offered a baby-free day trip, but he says he'd rather go overnight with little girl since it looked like she loved the new experiences. :D We're so lucky.

My birthday was not long ago as well. My employers were amazing. My guys were less than amazing. Boy did take me out for a nice dinner. Hubby did some cutesy stuff with the baby. So, not a complete failure but nothing terribly out of the ordinary either. Just another year older.

Vacation coming up. I've got the packing list completed and have started piling together stuff that is trip-specific or that we have extra of to take. I hate packing. I stress so much about it. We'll be staying with family, though, so most of the essentials will either already be there or could be easily obtained locally. Not in a tourist-y area, either, so prices will be comparable. We'll travel with the basics and with things that would be silly to buy an extra.

Life is still pretty mellow. Not tons going on.
 
Shit, it's been almost 2 months!

Little girl is amazing. Vacation threw off her schedule (she decided to get teeth then, too) but is now back to -mostly- normal routine. I'm working less at my second job, basically just enough to keep my foot in the door for when I'm prepared to put the baby in daycare. When I'm done breastfeeding as her primary source of nutrition, I think. I will re-evaluate then.

Hubby and I are doing fabulous. We're playing Pokemon Go together. He's lost weight. I'm continuing to lose weight. He says I'm motivating him, which I feel good about but also makes me feel bad. Like, he looks at me and feels bad about himself and his body. How shitty is that? BUT he's making some noticeable positive changes. How great is that?! I just don't know how to feel about it, obviously. lol I'm glad he's getting healthier. We've been talking and joking and being generally affectionate more as well, which is great. We even have a date night planned soon! Boy is going to babysit at our place, so I don't know that sex will actually happen. I think Boy would be cool with taking Little Girl for a walk so we could have the place to ourselves for a bit IF she's in a good mood. So it still depends on that. Baby free time together will be good either way, though.

Boy is... amazing. Like, seriously. He is so helpful with the kid. He's been so full of compliments and showing love left and right. He gave me free rein to post whatever I want on Facebook whenever I want to. :D It's silly but one of the nagging voices in my head often tries to convince me that he's ashamed or hiding me. I rationally know he isn't, but the lack of interaction with others in his life throws me off. To be fair, he rarely has interactions with others (besides his roommates) either. So, yeah. I'm silly. He's great. We're great. Everything is great. We had a baby-free day recently, too. Saw a new part of the coast. Had some yummy foods. Yummy sex. Fantastic making out on top of a rock, our legs getting hit by ocean waves. Yeah. Life is good.
 
So tired...

Things are going well. Hubby and I gave up PoGo but have kept up walking at least a few times a week. It's been good.

Boy and I are good.

Life is calm for the most part. Hubby's been talking about dating since he came out as poly to his coworkers. He recognizes he has no time and that he hasn't made the self improvements that he wants to make before dating again BUT he thinks it "sounds fun." :rolleyes: I'm just glad he recognizes that he doesn't have time. Once I'm done breastfeeding/pumping I think I HOPE I'll be more understanding about him needing a social life outside of having people over to our place now and then. With his crazy work schedule, though, I'm already on my own 1-3 evenings a week, and I have no desire to function as a single parent just so he can date or play games or see movies or whatever. Call me selfish if you want, but I get maybe 1-2 evenings a MONTH to be an adult sans baby so he can deal with his baby free time being sucked up by work. Anyway... Yeah.
 
The three (well, four with baby) of us went on a little excursion together recently! It went well. Hubby kept little girl for a while so Boy and I could have alone time then Boy took her for a walk so Hubby and I could connect! I seriously ended up just cuddling and watching tv/napping with each, but it was nice that they gave each other space and let me have breaks, too. It was just a quick overnight to a destination we all like on the coast. Little girl has had her legs in the water now AND Hubby and I are planning another trip in a month or two! :D

I've been in decorating mode the last few weeks. Little girl finally has her own room (not that she ever sleeps there at night) so her toys and books are all on shelves in there. I got her a playmat that helps pad the floor so she can roll around, sit up, whatever without knocking herself directly on a wood floor when she falls. lol I also ordered a rug for our living room to pull it together which then required some new pillow covers that I am currently searching for. I have curtains for the baby room, I ordered curtains for the living room, so I just need to find some for my bedroom next. I found a new table and storage thing that I like, so as soon as I make room (aka getting rid of current, worn out items) I can get those and Boy already agreed to come over to help Hubby build them. This place is definitely starting to look like home.

Everything is going well. I still don't get enough sleep, but... We're working on it, and I know it'll get better.
 
I've been in a weird head space the last few days. I keep thinking about life if Hubby has to move for his dream job. There's not a question in my mind that I would go. Then I think about how there's also not a question in my mind that Boy would not. And it makes me sad. It makes me sad that I don't see him EVER moving from this area. I mean, I love where I live, but I know I'll probably move either back near family or somewhere completely new for career reasons.

Anyway, everything is still good here. Pretty boring. We went down to Boy's for some games and food and such recently. It was fun.
 
I've been dealing with a sick baby for a few days. It's been exhausting. Hubby has been great, as always, about helping out as much as possible and doing things around the house. He's been so CRANKY, though! And as someone who has been lucky to get 5 hours of sleep WITH a kicking, fever-ridden, loud breathing baby... I don't want to deal with a cranky man, too!

I haven't washed my hair in over a week. Haven't had time to. He took not one, not two, but THREE fucking showers yesterday! I took a shower. With a baby. I don't wash my hair with her in there because a lot of it falls out and I don't want to deal with picking hair out of all of the baby rolls, she drinks the water coming off of me and I would prefer her not to ingest too much soap/shampoo, and I never know when she's going to just be done and require me to get out.

I'm ready to get a good night's sleep and feel better about life.

Planning Halloween has been fun. Hubby and I can't decide what to do, but the parents of the kids I care for and I have been talking about having all the kids dress up as a group. I think that would be adorable. Have a little zoo or the Flintstones or superheroes or something. I think they'd love it.

We're also planning a trip to a pumpkin patch for some fall fun with a bunch of people. Hubby's idea, and Boy is super excited about it. It should be great. Hubby and I go every year and usually have a friend or two or three tag along, but this is the first year Boy is joining in. Usually he is more involved with his household during the fall than with my household. I think he's not wanting to miss little girl's firsts. ha. He was really excited when he got to see her eat sushi for the first time and kept telling her how great she was doing when she first starting really figuring out her sippy cup and straws.

Oh! Hubby and I have a date night planned this week! We're going to stay within walking distance, I think, and just grab a quick dinner and come home for some alone time. I'm terribly afraid that if I don't get sleep I will have no libido, but if I tell him that will be the case, he'll probably make sure I can sleep before then. lol
 
Date night went great! Hubby and I went to a bar with some food trucks set up nearby. We ordered food then got a drink. Sat outside and ate and drank and then came home for tipsy sex. Funny thing was that we saw little girl out for a walk on our way. It felt super awkward to not just go get her right then. She was sleeping, though, so that would have been silly. We need to plan another date night, but our schedules have been jam-packed at any time that would be safe to leave the baby (we co-sleep, so we have to be home by bedtime).

Nothing is really going on. Boy's excited because I have agreed to try to stay overnight at his place soon. Nebulous soon, no real plans. I know it's important for him to know that occasionally we CAN have a baby-free night. Normally Hubby sleeps with little girl, but she still wakes up once a night and wants momma so out I go to get her back to sleep. Normally only 15 minutes, unless I also fall asleep in which case I may be gone for 3 hours. lol Boy is very understanding about it, though, so Hubby and I are both ready to make the effort for once-a-month or so overnights. Boy's roommates have started to travel more, so I can make it a goal to go visit while they're gone so we have truly alone time. Weird concept.

Nobody is dating, nobody seems to want to date, holiday planning is gearing up, aaaaaaand that's all folks.
 
I'm being incorporated more into Boy's life. Maybe. He's invited me to a few events lately. One I wasn't able to go to (he wasn't sure about the date until it was too late for Hubby to get the time off). There are a couple of other things coming up for the holidays, so hopefully those will actually happen. Either way, just him stating that he wants me there is a step.
 
Well, Halloween was fun. Little girl was amazing even with an epic lack of sleep. She got a bit of candy, which we sent with other families so Hubby and I won't eat it. She also got stickers, a little pad of paper, and a sticker that she enjoyed trying to eat. Ha!

Boy was home alone. No visitors. I was so tired by the end of the night that I'm not sure how he felt about it. Probably fine. He seemed excited to eat the candy he bought, just in case.
 
I have a friend who is in the process of purchasing a poly house. It will be her, her boyfriend, their son plus her other boyfriend and his partner plus her boyfriend's girlfriend. She's been with her "primary" for about 6 years, her "secondary" for 1. Her p has been with his other girlfriend for 4 years. Her s with his partner for 5.

In a way, I'm envious. I would love to have a big, happy, poly family. On the other hand... People drive me crazy. And they don't even live together and I already see the conflicts rising.

Happiness comes in different forms, and I'm happy so that's all that matters. Maybe someday things will have to change - if I move and Boy has to choose between his home state and me or something. But, for now, I am accepting that we're all happy, and that's enough. It doesn't matter if it looks different than what other people want or expect. It's good for us.
 
My finances are shit, and I'm beyond stressed about it. Boy has offered to help out, but that just feels so wrong. I mean, I'm an adult, I need to pay my own bills and deal with my own poor decisions. So, I am. Well, we are. Hubby is entwined in every aspect so it's really OUR poor decisions and OUR shitty finances. :D It'll work out eventually, it is just so unfortunate that random issues popped up (car issues, traveling to see ill family, etc) right around the holidays.
 
Literally cried this morning. I'm so glad that I don't have to explain to my child what is going on in the world. I'm sad that her first memories will be during a Trump presidency. I hope that it isn't as bad as I fear that it will be, but with Trump winning PLUS the Senate and House majorities going Rep... I'm scared. I'm scared for my friend who just married his husband. I'm scared for my friend who just started hormone therapy to transition. I'm scared for all of the people I know whose skin isn't white. I'm just scared.

Also... I hate the electoral college.

Otherwise... Yeah. Still stressed about money. Dreading the trip to see family since they're all going to be happy about these results. Blah.
 
I'm still in shock. I've been so stressed about politics, money, traveling, etc. that I have barely been functioning. Luckily, we had a big friend gathering that seems to have pulled me out of my funk and re-motivated me. So, a rundown of what's going to happen next:

-Hubby is starting a second job. That will bring in about $100-150/week.
-I am going to start selling plasma again as soon as we get back from our trip, and I am over this cold. I was planning to do it this week, but since I am a bit under the weather I can't.
-I am going to actually organize baby things to attempt to sell.
-I am going to donate a large pile of baby things that are useful but not really worth reselling to a local home for teenage parents. While there, I am also going to inquire about volunteering or getting involved in their fundraising. We agree that raising little girl in a culture of giving what you can is important to us, so it is time to get started! Random donating/helping out isn't good enough anymore. lol
-Hubby is going to try to sell one of our vehicles, since we don't really need more than 1. This will cut expenses and help us avoid having to pay for plates in a few months.
-While traveling, I'm going to do my best to relax instead of just helping so others can relax. I'm not good at being selfish when it comes to our overworked/exhausted families but I'm exhausted, too, dammit.

That is all.
 
Traveling was, ready for a shock?, not relaxing! I didn't stress about real life shit, though, just trying to fit in seeing everyone and balancing families. Hubby and I love that our families live in the same town but it makes it a pain going back and forth between houses.

I'm home, though. Hubby is working. I'm cleaning shit out. I'm over the clutter. It's going well. I have the pantry and kitchen organized and clean. Little girl has been happily entertaining herself today. Of course, I've been taking breaks to sing, dance, eat, and cuddle with her. :) Plus the constant chatter or singing I habitually keep up.

Boy isn't excited about the Christmas party, but I am. It's casual and fun (I hear), so I don't know what his deal is. He has thanked me for going with him since he's gotten a lot of crap for skipping a few years before. It's in a couple of weeks, and I'm already trying to figure out what to wear. lol I mean, it's casual so I'll probably end up in leggings and a sweater like usual. haha
 
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