So we are pretty new to the polyamory world. My husband and I have been married for 12 years. He recently met someone that has become a friend to the both of us. They've hung out plenty of times and nothing physical has ever happened until the other night.
My husband lacks self confidence, I've been telling him its ok for a while now. But he wasn't sure about the effects on myself and him. ETC. He tends to over think things. I know this is what he wants. & I want it for him.
That being said, how do I get over these feelings of feeling rejected? He went over there the other night with the intention of initiating, he rubbed her back & did a lot of other things, but never went to sex. he said he had no intention of crossing that line until he saw how it effected me first. I was fine with it. It was a little strange. We talked it out. He said he wanted to go to the next step. I told him that I knew he was fantasizing about it and he needed to just take care of it. That I didn't want anything to happen between the 2 of us until we got past that point. He kept on saying he was going over there last night. Then started not wanting to go. He started to tell me that he wanted to stay home with me, but then would stop mid sentence to me to talk to her via text. His mind was not here. & after I finally had too much, I flipped my shit. After we talked it out, he offered to give me a back rub (something he never gives me & all of a sudden decides what I want after doing it for her even though I repeatedly beg for it ALL THE TIME). Since my body was really sore I allowed it to happen and then he started making moves on me. I should have stuck to my rule, but it is my husband after all. But after it made me feel like I piggy backed of off her for the second night in a row. I'm mad at myself for that.
Then this morning, he texts me that he is thinking about me. I sent him a bra on selfie and he says "cute". Then goes silent. Guess he wasn't really thinking about me. He said he was, etc. He said he didn't want to do anything with this other woman because it's obviously hurting me. But that's not the problem. I am feeling very rejected. After spending all morning promising me that he was thinking about me, he mad plans with her to finish what he started & what he should have done yesterday.
It's really what I want for him, & I understand this is fun, new & exciting, but I can't help but to feel very rejected right now. I am hoping when we get over this bump it can be worked out.
I would love any advice on how to cope right now.
My husband lacks self confidence, I've been telling him its ok for a while now. But he wasn't sure about the effects on myself and him. ETC. He tends to over think things. I know this is what he wants. & I want it for him.
That being said, how do I get over these feelings of feeling rejected? He went over there the other night with the intention of initiating, he rubbed her back & did a lot of other things, but never went to sex. he said he had no intention of crossing that line until he saw how it effected me first. I was fine with it. It was a little strange. We talked it out. He said he wanted to go to the next step. I told him that I knew he was fantasizing about it and he needed to just take care of it. That I didn't want anything to happen between the 2 of us until we got past that point. He kept on saying he was going over there last night. Then started not wanting to go. He started to tell me that he wanted to stay home with me, but then would stop mid sentence to me to talk to her via text. His mind was not here. & after I finally had too much, I flipped my shit. After we talked it out, he offered to give me a back rub (something he never gives me & all of a sudden decides what I want after doing it for her even though I repeatedly beg for it ALL THE TIME). Since my body was really sore I allowed it to happen and then he started making moves on me. I should have stuck to my rule, but it is my husband after all. But after it made me feel like I piggy backed of off her for the second night in a row. I'm mad at myself for that.
Then this morning, he texts me that he is thinking about me. I sent him a bra on selfie and he says "cute". Then goes silent. Guess he wasn't really thinking about me. He said he was, etc. He said he didn't want to do anything with this other woman because it's obviously hurting me. But that's not the problem. I am feeling very rejected. After spending all morning promising me that he was thinking about me, he mad plans with her to finish what he started & what he should have done yesterday.
It's really what I want for him, & I understand this is fun, new & exciting, but I can't help but to feel very rejected right now. I am hoping when we get over this bump it can be worked out.
I would love any advice on how to cope right now.
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