dingedheart
Well-known member
And yes you're right, if the shoe was on the other foot, I would want to know what my husband was feeling or thinking. I guess I'm still coming to terms with my poly nature, as it hadn't occurred to me before.
To follow this train of thought I'd play out as many poly scenarios as you can in your head. All the what if's. whats if's about relationship structure, time ..time management, Nre ...theres a week of what ifs alone . what if I lose sexual interest in my husband, what he loses interest in me, what if's on money., what ifs on accidental pregnancy, what ifs on a planned pregnancy etc etc etc and then plan on the one you didnt think of happening to you or to one of the relationships.
All of this will turn my world upside down too so I'm mentally preparing myself for all of that. But I also know that I cannot deny my feeling this way, otherwise this experience will end up repeating itself somewhere down the road and I don't want that to happen.
Personally I think think the key part and the platform for your conversation should be this " I cannot deny my feeling this way, otherwise this experience will end up repeating itself somewhere down the road and I don't want that to happen." I have romantic attractions and when they grow deep enough I need to act on them. And yes sex is going to be a part of that.
One thing id advise against is making large/grand statements of love, I love you the same today, all quantitative love comparisons too, commitment, forever ness, soulmate stuff , etc . Why because its not going to mean much and those words will then need to be backed up with actions and many times/often NRE has a way of getting in the way and actually making you look like a liar and or proving the opposite.
Imo the worse thing that can happen is he poses a what if and you quickly reply that wont happen ....and then a week or a month or (X) amount of time later it actually happens.
Your situation reminds me of another member/friend Hoyam....married 10yr ish ...2-3 kids and fell in love with a guy on vacation out of the clear blue. You should look her up and read all her threads and see how she dealt with some of these issues ...Ill send her a pm and an outside email to see if she's still around and might have some advice for you.