I don't even really know where to start with this, but I want very much to write as much detail as possible because I don't want to forget the way I felt in the moment.
Charles and I just got back from our slightly early anniversary trip, and it was such a wonderful time. Henry drove us to the airport, which was super sweet since we had to leave in the middle of the night to get there in plenty of time to check in.
It was adorable that before the trip, Henry and Charles got together, and Henry gave him the Vicki care & feeding manual for trips- almost quite literally! Charles was actually taking notes and I thought it was so sweet. I know some people wouldn't like that sort of thing but it made me feel very cared for to know that he had some of the cheat codes lol.
And then we got there... and it was just so good. I remember saying to Charles that I want to remember every moment because this is what Happy feels like. When you've been mentally ill for so long, sometimes I think it's easy to forget. But having that week where I could drop all my responsibilities and just BE and enjoy that intimate time with Charles... I needed that so badly.
We got upgraded to a junior suite, which was amazing. The room was huge and marble and had a giant full length mirror right at the foot of the bed, which made for some fun times!
I had also told the travel agent it was our anniversary, so when we got there, the door was decorated with a banner that read Happy Anniversary, and there were balloons and hibiscus flowers tied to the curtains and towel swans covered with flowers and swimming in a towel heart on the bed. It was such a nice way to start off the trip!
I had been a little anxious before we left just because of some of the intimacy about being with someone for that amount of time. Charles and I have been dating for nearly a year, but we haven't spent more than just over a day together before. His schedule tends to be pretty busy and since neither of us live alone, there just really hasn't been a convenient way to spend more than say a date followed by an overnight together. I guess I still had a bunch of anxiety over what he'd think, because over that period of time there's a lot you can't hide. I worried about showering with him, and as a fat person I worried about eating in front of him (one meal is different from a whole week and I didn't know if I'd feel weird or uncomfortable), what it would be like to drink with him, etc. I decided just to go with it and found I was a lot more comfortable then I thought I would be. It made me feel more confident in letting those walls drop a little further.
There were just so many little moments I don't want to forget but I don't know the best way to keep them all in my mind. I remember that one night we went to karaoke and listened to the singers, but he didn't want to sing because he felt like it was a cultural thing that here people feel like you have to be a certain level of good to be okay whereas other cultures just seem to do it as expression, or because it's fun. I remember telling him that I didn't care, just that it would be good because it's him, and him saying that it wasn't about that but about how he'd feel about it. And then a few days later he played some Spanish songs on his phone in our suite and sang them for me. It might have been a little thing, but it meant a lot.
There was the time when the waiter asked if we had enjoyed our meals and we said yes, and he said "Beautiful" and Charles said, "Yes, she is!".
There were the differences in the little things... Henry and I nearly always shower together and he washes my hair. It's our ritual. It was not the same with Charles, which I am glad for- but the difference was good. It meant that it wasn't co-opting our thing but that we could build our own which was the same but different at the same time because WE are different together. Same with cuddles in the morning. Charles didn't think he would be up for that but we did it every single day
Although it often turned into sex not long after!
There was just so much love in my heart. The cuddles and touch and conversation and just being together for so much time… I really needed that. The level of connection and intimacy. I had felt like the NRE was starting to fade a little and we had settled into a bit of a routine with seeing each other one dedicated night per week and then adding a second when we could, so the urgency had settled down a little. But after this… I told him that I thought I would probably struggle with going from this solid week of being together and dropping back to that. Not that there were expectations but just that I would miss being with him.
I remember how important it was to Charles to take care of me. I burn so easily, and he put my sunscreen on because I hate the sensation of it, and because it is much more pleasant to get some extra touch in from a partner. He made sure to set timers on his watch so that we’d reapply it every 2 hours and not burn in the hot Dominican sun.
I remember drunk philosophy in bed, talking about the nature of the soul and what makes us really us.
I remember how he knows I’m afraid of flying and when he saw me get anxious during turbulence, that he made a point of holding my hand and stroking my arm so that I would calm down and not feel alone.
I brought him a little gift that I knew he would appreciate- a pair of pink lace panties. He enjoys crossdressing at times. I chose them specifically to be a style that would be comfortable for him but also give that extra sensory boost. He told me how much he appreciated the thought I put into it for him. And it was so sexy watching him wear them in that full length mirror at the foot of the bed while he was making me orgasm!
We also got to learn more about each other. I wound up having a panic attack partway through the week, and he wasn’t sure how to help me. It ended up really putting the focus on communication, because I had to wait until the next day, actually the middle of the night I wrote him a note and I think he still didn’t understand so we had yet another conversation in the morning and then the penny dropped. I think we might be okay next time there is an issue, and that should help in the future. It was scary being that kind of vulnerable, though, and I had a lot of overwhelmingly not good feelings about letting him see me like that. It didn’t help that my anxiety had kicked in early in the day and I couldn’t really explain it to him once that happened, then he got a bit droppy from play and needed me but he couldn’t express it… cue giant mess. I feel like we understand each other a little more though, and regardless, that’s not a bad thing. Goes back to the whole bit about walls coming down a little more.
I remember fun moments of him being silly with accents. It was awesome! He’s so good with various accents so he got a kick of going to a bar and then pretending to be from somewhere else. It was lots of fun to watch and play along.
I remember being in our room and him telling me that the first drink he had at the pool with me had golden rum in it, and now when he drinks that brand of rum he will think of me. It felt so good and also surprising to see that he paid attention to that level of detail and then know that he was linking that to us.
I could never forget all the fun times we had in the pool- one of the best parts of the trip! We were silly and just so happy together. He’d tow me around the pool like a water taxi or pull me onto his lap and spin us around, or swing me near the fountain and tease me that he was going to dunk me (but he never did, even though we had a splash war at one point!). And Mister so shy in public relaxed a little bit with a drink or two and got a bit handsy in the pool- it was funny and I’m glad he came out of his shell a bit because I’m sure not the shy one of the two of us!
He had a dream that he was trying to win us a bed shaped like a pancake at the fair- you kinda fold up in it. He actually had a bunch of weird ones and woke me up one night doing martial arts as a ghost in his dream
I remember him waking up so hungry for me that he could barely wait before begging to be inside me. Normally I’m the one who controls our sex life, but it was really nice to feel like he needed me so much that he couldn’t wait and endure the teasing. He told me that he’d been awake for two hours waiting for me to wake up so that we could have sex.
And we just had so much sex, it was awesome. Drunk and sober and every combination in between. It’s always so good to be with him. We did some kink, too- a wax scene that was fun and an impact scene that went a little awry since the noise from the hall distracted him. It happens, but it was a little disappointing. We did manage to save the end when he brought out one of his favourite toys and we went with that. I had hoped for a better energy but life isn’t perfect. Close enough!
Henry and Kiddo were waiting for us at the airport when we got home. What a curious sensation of not wanting to leave Charles but also missing my time with Henry and Kiddo, too. I’m not used to being away from them for so long! I just felt so loved and cared for with everyone there and happy to see me.
It really was seven amazing days in paradise. I had such a wonderful time with him. I have to be honest and say that this past week has made me think about more with Charles… but that at least at this point that I think it’s probably not a good idea. But who knows what the future will hold? I’m in no hurry to find out. Now is pretty amazing.