Akito237
New member
Hello!
Wow, these posts are always kind of tricky... I'm just going to unload and hope it comes out clearly.
Okay, so I am in a serious relationship with a wonderful woman, and we've been together for over 8 years now. We've promised to outlive each other, and we've been through all of the twists and tumbles that usually break up a marriage. Honestly, we are more solid than any other couple that I know of personally. If the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow, you could probably find us calmly going about our business without a worry in the world, because we know we've got each other's backs on an instinctual level.
Okay, that's the good news. The not so good news is as follows.
Jill (significant other) was sexually abused multiple times over her lifetime by multiple people. It has left her with some very serious psychological issues when it comes to having a sexual relationship. Now, this didn't present in her past relationships, because she compartmentalized that part of herself in order to "make the relationship work". So when we first got together, everything was fine on the surface... but ironically, our relationship is the safest, most reliable relationship that she's ever been in, and that has let her dig into her issues. She told me that even though she loves me very, very much, she can't express herself as a sexual being without drudging up all those negative feelings from her abuse.
Which, honestly, is fine. I would rather her be safe and happy than have a sex-filled relationship with someone who hurts every time we do it. So we have been abstinent for over 6 years now. I make due with lots and lots of masturbation. But you know, an orgasm isn't the entire purpose of sex for me. I like feeling like a person that someone is sexually attracted to, and I often need an emotional connection for a sexual relationship to work. I like hugs and cuddles and a surprise kiss and even that look in someone's eye that says "oh yeah, I totally like you". And that's not something I get out of my relationship with Jill anymore.
Lucky for me, Jill is awesome and smarter than me. She suggested that I might take a look at polyamory and see if it's something that I was interested in. Turns out, I am VERY into the whole philosophy of polyamory. Love isn't something that you have to reserve for just one person? Brilliant! It was like everything I suspected turned out to be true! And Jill said that as long as our relationship was the core, as long as it was always me and her together against the world like it always has been, she was okay with me being poly.
And some other stuff happened along the way afterwards, but that's another story. So that's my story! Took a long time getting here, but now that I'm here I'm excited to get to know you all and have people to talk to!
Wow, these posts are always kind of tricky... I'm just going to unload and hope it comes out clearly.
Okay, so I am in a serious relationship with a wonderful woman, and we've been together for over 8 years now. We've promised to outlive each other, and we've been through all of the twists and tumbles that usually break up a marriage. Honestly, we are more solid than any other couple that I know of personally. If the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow, you could probably find us calmly going about our business without a worry in the world, because we know we've got each other's backs on an instinctual level.
Okay, that's the good news. The not so good news is as follows.
Jill (significant other) was sexually abused multiple times over her lifetime by multiple people. It has left her with some very serious psychological issues when it comes to having a sexual relationship. Now, this didn't present in her past relationships, because she compartmentalized that part of herself in order to "make the relationship work". So when we first got together, everything was fine on the surface... but ironically, our relationship is the safest, most reliable relationship that she's ever been in, and that has let her dig into her issues. She told me that even though she loves me very, very much, she can't express herself as a sexual being without drudging up all those negative feelings from her abuse.
Which, honestly, is fine. I would rather her be safe and happy than have a sex-filled relationship with someone who hurts every time we do it. So we have been abstinent for over 6 years now. I make due with lots and lots of masturbation. But you know, an orgasm isn't the entire purpose of sex for me. I like feeling like a person that someone is sexually attracted to, and I often need an emotional connection for a sexual relationship to work. I like hugs and cuddles and a surprise kiss and even that look in someone's eye that says "oh yeah, I totally like you". And that's not something I get out of my relationship with Jill anymore.
Lucky for me, Jill is awesome and smarter than me. She suggested that I might take a look at polyamory and see if it's something that I was interested in. Turns out, I am VERY into the whole philosophy of polyamory. Love isn't something that you have to reserve for just one person? Brilliant! It was like everything I suspected turned out to be true! And Jill said that as long as our relationship was the core, as long as it was always me and her together against the world like it always has been, she was okay with me being poly.
And some other stuff happened along the way afterwards, but that's another story. So that's my story! Took a long time getting here, but now that I'm here I'm excited to get to know you all and have people to talk to!