New to Poly

Esohdiay

New member
Hi, my wife and I decided to experiment with a poly lifestyle. We have been very happily married for 9 years. Right now I am in San Diego and she is in Colorado. She will be coming home in a couple of months. Until then we are in a kinda open relationship. She is very trustworthy and is not pursuing anyone at the moment. She wants me to find us a girlfriend out here for a closed relationship. I'm a pretty shy fella and it was hard enough to meet her 9 years ago. It's kinda like I'm single again lol. She is adamantly insisting that I go out and meet girls for hook ups to get more sexual experience so that I'm not too awkward when we are meeting poly women. I guess I'm hoping to find single poly women in the San Diego area that I can meet up with and date. Clearly there doesn't have to be any sex involved but I'd like to meet and discuss this lifestyle. Maybe even find that right person, we are all for making new friends in our adventure if nothing else. Otherwise I am willing to discuss a poly lifestyle online. Not really sure. Lol Thank you for your time.
 
Greetings Esohdiay,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

There may be poly groups in your area, google San Diego polyamory and see what turns up. Since you are kind of a shy guy it may help just to make friends at first. A friend may become more than a friend later on, but, no need to rush it, just let things evolve naturally. In the meantime read and post on Polyamory.com, there is a lot you can learn here, and a lot of friends you can make. I'm glad you could join us.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
She wants me to find us a girlfriend out here for a closed relationship.
Oh, wow, sorry. You had me right up to there.

Not gonna happen. Like, what: "honey, have a hot chick waiting when I get off the plane?"

Worse: "and make sure she's totally unattached & has no kids or pets or close friends & can move in forever"?

How about you start off with "wtf do each of you think polyamory is?"?
 
Ok. Sit down hero. I'm glad you feel so strongly about this and all but please have a little respect and don't jump to conclusions. If you think We'll only accept this one way then you're completely wrong. You would've understood that if you would have asked questions. Have a more polite approach dude. Now, if you don't have anything of value to add to this then please, go save the world somewhere else.
 
Ok. Sit down hero. I'm glad you feel so strongly about this and all but please have a little respect and don't jump to conclusions. If you think We'll only accept this one way then you're completely wrong. You would've understood that if you would have asked questions. Have a more polite approach dude. Now, if you don't have anything of value to add to this then please, go save the world somewhere else.

Except he's right.

You should follow Kevin's suggestion and look up poly groups in your area. Keep the whole looking for a unicorn thing to yourself. Observe the types of relationships people have. Learn about poly.

Also, look up "unicorn hunting" to see why you'll get such reactions to what you said. They always start out with good intentions. It rarely works out that way. Learn what the pitfalls are to what you are seeking.
 
Absolutely. Thank you. Yes we have been doing our research and I do agree that this fellow was right. That's what I'm here for. Advice. I'm not here trying to offend or anything. As stated in the beginning. We are very new to the idea so. Forgive me if my approach was a bit straight forward.
 
Greetings and welcome to the Forum!

The most common public perception of poly does seem to be that of the married couple opening their marriage with a bisexual woman, and this also seems to be the most common thought for the open-minded couple who have decided to open their marriage. At first glance, it does seem to be a logical choice. And we do see newcomers coming to the Forum with this very idea on a regular basis. However, the first issue that arises for the adventurous couple is that the desired hot bi babe is surprisingly hard to find, so much so that they are often referred to as unicorns, because they are so rare as to be virtually mythical. And on those rare occasions when a couple is lucky enough to to make such a rare find, the relationship does not often last very long.
This is most often due to the inherent inequities involved in such a relationship, and is a common topic in poly ethics. It is, in fact, so common that it has become somewhat of a
cliche in polyamorous circles. Of course, this does not mean that it is impossible or that it never works out, but most experienced poly folks have discovered that it works best for each partner to date separately.

You may find the following article helpful:

https://davidlnoble.livejournal.com/176039.html

Best of luck on your new poly journey.
 
Last edited:
Back
Top