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Comedy of errors continues. Hippie woke up feeling "sick as a dog" with flu like symptoms and cancelled our date for today! I just can't catch a break here.

miss pixi has a long time online friend who lives 1000 miles away. They used to play Second Life together, and there was some online attraction. They have been online friends for 6 years. Now he is in the nearby city, on a work training program and they will be meeting for dinner tonight. At least, if it works out! Everyone is cancelling on us these days, for goodness sakes.

So frustrating. At least miss p and I had a great night last night. :)

Maybe her friend will come back here for sexy fun time? Don't know. I'm fine with it if he does. At least one of us would be able to fuck a guy! Her happiness and pleasure is mine.
 
miss pixi's friend cancelled. He said he was sick. But he thinks he will feel well enough to see her tonight after work. :confused: We shall see.

But thank goodness, Punk rallied and came over to see me last night! We had a lovely sexy talkative date. He came with ideas for fun kinky activities. After both sex sessions we had very interesting conversations as well. He is so enthusiastic about sex and sharing ideas and stories. Very fun and entertaining and lots of cuddles and little affectionate kisses too. :)
 
Still smiling about my most recent date with Punk. He had a great time too, he was so complimentary. I hope I can keep seeing him every weekend! He also promised to find a psychiatrist this week. Turns out his GP does prescribe him one med that helps him, but won't give him the other one that helps. Stupid! So he has to find a new psychiatrist to give him that one.

Miss Pixi didn't get to see her old friend, but he is in the area through next weekend, so we will see what happens. She is not too invested, since he often states a fear that she won't like if she meets him in person. Low self esteem. :rolleyes:

Artist did message me after I told her I didn't think we were right for each other because of our differing dating practices, boundaries, needs and goals. She basically agreed, saying she is confused, and that I have been a sane piece of her life these past few months. I think I will just let that stand. I'd keep in touch with her by messaging, but she is pretty bad at messaging clearly, so I don't think that would work.

I texted with Hippie a bit yesterday, he still felt sick. He is going to a dr today if he isn't feeling better. He said he woke up Sunday morning feeling like he had a wicked hangover, despite not having been drinking at all. Maybe he had food poisoning too, like miss pixi's bf? Weird!

I had a restful day yesterday after having tons of exercise over the weekend, gardening, a long hike, dancing with miss pixi on our at-home music date, and playing with Punk. Good times.
 
Crazy week. Let's see.

It only took Hippie a few days to recover from his sudden sickness. He did go to the dr on Tuesday, who told him he had a virus that is going around. But he got better quickly (the strong immune systems of the young), has been texting me regularly and all friendly-like, and we have a date set for tomorrow afternoon, barring any disasters.

But on the other side of the coin, after our super bonding 4th date last Sunday, Punk didn't return my texts for 4 days. I was pretty sure it was just his depression, but I still worry. Part of me thought, maybe our date was too good? Maybe the sex was so good, his response so intense, he felt too vulnerable and exposed and is stepping back?

Or, maybe, he is so depressed being off the one medication, he did something to harm himself? I know that is catastrophizing, but I did once have one date with a guy who tried to commit suicide a couple days later. So, it's triggering to me when I don't hear from someone! I was texting Punk and he wasn't answering. And he knew Hippie went no contact with me for 11 days after our first date, from HIS depression, and how I suffered from that!

So, yesterday I had a long day planned, and I didn't sleep well, due to Punk being incommunicado, and also miss pixi being anxious all week, since she was off meds a few days, and is also having "boy troubles" of her own. So we hadn't had sex since last Saturday. (I sleep so much better after a good hard sex session.) She gets thrown off the sexy train so easily.

I was awake for the day at 4am.:mad: At 11 I drove miss p and myself 20 miles to Boston. We both had medical appointments at our queer friendly clinic. I needed to be at work at 3:30 so didn't have time to take miss p home first. So I drove 20 miles to my job, in drizzle and terrible traffic. I was running late. I was going to drop miss p at my ex husband's and son's house to hang out, since it's in the same town as where I was working. But we ran out of time, so I dropped her at my old UU church, where my son would pick her up. (Thank god for cell phones.) Ran to work, got there 10 mins late, but it was OK.

Then my friend, the kids' mom, reminded me to take the kids to the dining hall and art show on campus at 5. Her husband is an art teacher at a private school, and they have a house on campus. So I corralled all the kids, who are 10, 6 and 2. Walked over to the dining hall, all the teenagers and many faculty and their families eating there. Very noisy. Then downstairs for the art show, more crowds and noise. Oh well, at least I got a free dinner and got paid. The boys just ran around, being so familiar with the building, I just had to watch the toddler.

Finally done work at 7, drove to my ex's, where they were just getting dinner on the table. They'd been very gracious to miss p, we all get along. Got out of there around 8:30, miss p drove us home... (continued...)
 
I'd checked my phone during the art show to see what time it was, and noticed Punk had finally texted me! I quick replied but was of course too busy to chat.

So I after I got home and had a beer to unwind, I texted him at 10 and we chatted for an hour. Whew! Yes, he was just depressed all week, and kept oversleeping and not managing to call a new dr. Finally he'd woken in time to call one yesterday, but the office had been closed for the entire day.

So, I got to explain to him how worried I was, triggered, from Hippie and Suicide Boy, no contact, yada yada, and he understood. He said he'd thought of texting me but didn't want to text me in the middle of the night when he was awake. I said, if you're asleep during the day, message me in the evening, 8, 9 or 10! I'm around for that. So he promised he would remember that. He intends to finally make the dr call today. I sure hope he can manage. I offered to come over and kick his ass. He laughed but I meant it. God knows I've made dr and other phone calls for miss p enough, she has phone phobia.

Anyway, most of our chat was nice and pleasant, and I made him "lol" a few times. He said he will come see me tonight. I am 75% sure he will. :rolleyes: He never seems depressed when he's with me, he's just fun and super smart and interesting and sexy. God, he's so good in bed.

Part of his depression stems from a really bad shoulder accident he had when he was a mailman at age 28. Freak accident, fucked him up so young. It's his left shoulder, and he's right handed so he can work, play guitar, (have great sex), etc but he has chronic pain. Also, he was raised by crap parents who were devout Catholics and right wingers. Uck. He is still dealing with that, since he didn't become a leftie/feminist til age 30. He's 41 now.

I keep thinking of KC as I write this, since I am dealing with 3 lovers with bipolar, or anxiety, or depression issues. I still find all 3 of them fascinating and even lovable. ...I did dump Artist, she is what I would call depressed too, but not on meds and shit at texting, so I had to end it.
 
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I'm just thankful none of my partners seem to have the same issues I have... Hubby has depression and won't do anything about it, but he does fairly well managing it. Between managing myself and helping Alt and Country learn to manage their stuff, I don't know that I'd be able to help a partner as well. And apparently it takes more than one to manage me!

I can see why you were worried about Punk. I'm glad you finally heard from him and everything was okay.
 
Yes, you have your hands full with all the mental issues, neuro issues, plus your kids are adolescent, which is hard in itself. Girls have so much drama sometimes. Mine do/did too. My son after a hyper childhood, has always been more mellow since his teens, somehow.

So I heard from Punk. He made his calls and got an appt for Monday! Yay! That should help a lot. He is coming over at 6. So I just did a pedicure on myself.
 
Oh well, he didn't come, Cindie! His IBS acted up again. I just need to be patient. The depression and the IBS (which seem tied together) can be treated with meds, so in a week or two I should have a much healthier lover. Patience, Mags, patience... Punk is worth the wait and effort.

But once again, when these boys let us down, I have my dear sweet miss pixi to fall back on lol. (She is consoling to me, and vice versa, but I am resisting calling her a consolation prize, haha.)

I strongly encouraged her to go get a professional mani pedi yesterday afternoon. We've been low in our budget lately, but I know it makes her feel better, prettier, sexier to get her nails done, and dry skin removed. With her disability of the arms and hands, it's difficult to do it herself. So she did that, and I went thrift store shopping for my therapy. I only spent $13, but it's soothing just to walk around for a half hour and look at cool vintage things. miss p came out of the salon all massaged and lotioned and nails perfected, feeling great.

We had a nice cozy evening together, although of course, a damper was put on it by this terrible Paris massacre. Miss Pixi has close ties to France. She lived there for several years. So we watched a couple hours of coverage on TV. (We might've missed this news if it hadn't come on the TV in the nail salon!)

Then we watched our DVRed American Horror Story, and we had sexy times too. Ahhh, felt so good.

I texted with Hippie for a bit too. We discussed our plans for our date today, kinda fluffing each other. I really think he will make it today!

miss p's bf has been sick all week, and worked a couple of those days. He took off yesterday to try and get better for his date with miss p today, but it still remains to be seen if he is up to it. I told Hippie miss p may or may not be here when he comes over. He asked to make sure she was OK with him being here when she is here. I assured him she is 100% fine with it. I've had lovers over dozens of times when she is here lol
 
Despite our nice chat on Friday night, when Hippie was happy, humorous, interesting, caring and sexy, he cancelled on me again, an hour or two before I expected him to be here on Saturday. At least he let me know. And we texted for an hour or so, and he answered my questions about his illness of depression.

I am trying really hard to not let my disappointment turn into anger. He can't help he has this disease. He told me he has been in therapy, he has tried many meds, but nothing helped, in fact many of the meds made him feel worse, not better. So now he isn't on any meds at all, or in therapy, since every therapist just wants him to go on (unhelpful) meds. sigh... Poor kid.

I just don't know what to do though. It hurts me and makes ME depressed when he gets me all excited to see him, only to cancel over and over. And if he is not on any helpful medication, I don't see this improving any time soon...

There is a guy I've been chatting with a little on OKC... I've told him I am polysaturated with these 2 brand new relationships (plus miss pixi of course); how we could keep in touch because you never know how potential relationships are going to turn our. Yesterday I messaged him and encouraged him a little. We will see where it goes. I just can't keep putting so many eggs into the Hippie basket if he is going to be cancelling over and over.
 
5HTP? If he hasn't tried it before.

And yeah, I understand about maybe having to put less eggs in the Hippie basket, because disappointment, even if you don't let it morph into anger, is not a way to live with a (potential, *still*) lover.

Kia kaha
Evie
 
I don't know if he's tried that. I am wondering if he's tried meds for bipolar, since he flipped so fast from happy to depressed. I just texted him to ask. I know meds for "regular" depression do nothing for bipolar. He has only told me he has "depression/anxiety," no mention of bipolar.
 
Funny how things go in dating land.

Since late July, I had 3 dates with Nick, 6 or 7 dates with Artist (several of them sleepovers), 3 dates with Darkwing, 1 date with Old Friend, 1 date with Hippie (and 3 cancelled dates), 5 dates with Punk.

Now they are all flaking out on me. Granted, I broke it off with Artist because of her sketchy "poly" ethics. Nick is too busy working, and taking care of his 2 families. Darkwing has been having troubles with his teenage son, and too busy with that to get together. Hippie is unmedicated and depressed most of the time. Old Friend's work situation is touch and go right now, so they can't get away during the day, and they are never available nights/weekends.

Punk is less than fully medicated for his bipolar, hasn't gotten meds for his IBS, and now came down with a case of impetigo, of all things!

So he still has to find and book a psychiatrist to get his mood stabilizer, and is waiting on a call from a gastroenterologist to get meds for his IBS. He did see his PCP on Monday, and got meds for the impetigo he'd just come down with over the weekend. But now he needs to make the call to a new psych dr, and goodness knows when he will feel perky enough to do that. I had thought he had an appointment with one this past Monday, but it was just with his PCP for the IBS situation, and he found out he needs to be seen by a specialist for that.

sigh...

Also in late summer/early fall, especially in October, I was getting a dozen messages a day on OKC and Fetlife combined, and that is also drying up. I've chatted up a few guys, but 3 of them are out of state, and a couple more don't seem right, just horny guys who I don't have enough in common with.

miss pixi and I have both been so frustrated with all these people! She had hopes to see 2 guys the past 2 weekends. Her regular bf has had a flu-like virus for 2 weeks, and the Florida online friend who is in our area for work training is either shy, or sick, or both. Bleh!

Last night we went to one of our platonic friends' houses to hang out, and we got takeout fish and chips for dinner. She paid, since miss pixi helped her scan her computer for viruses while we were there. So, at least we got to socialize some!

She is a good friend, and a big trans-rights activist. It's always so inspiring to hear about her activities. She is coming here for Thanksgiving, and so is my son. She doesn't cook, but is bringing me the turkey early Thursday so I can cook it.

miss pixi and I both wanted our sex and kink with our boys! But we can't seem to get it. Our desire for the men doesn't transmute exactly into desire for each other. When you want X, and can't seem to get it, you don't automatically replace it with desiring Y. But a couple nights ago, she and I did magically connect. Delicious sex, augmented by a new kinky activity we got the equipment for years ago... I think we were both a little scared to try it, haha. But it went great! My little fairy "Topped" me, and I was flying on endorphins for hours, during and afterwards. :)
 
Sorry you and miss pixi are having to deal with all the flakes. Hopefully the folks you want to have in your lives will get their acts together, and/or you'll meet even better people who aren't quite so flaky.
 
Thanks KC!

miss pixi had a very good overnight with her Dom, so, progress! They are deepening their connection and he seems like a "good" Dom, and is taking her more and more under his wing, caring for her well being, etc. In other words, it's not just sexual, but becoming more well rounded. She tells me she loves him. I don't think she told him that yet!

No action for me from anyone other than miss p last night. I had to initiate, not knowing if she'd be in the mood since she'd had her date with her Dom, but she took good care of me. Besides great orgasms for me, we had our usual Walking Dead, Last Man on Earth cuddle date.

I haven't heard a word from Punk since last Wednesday. No word from Hippie or Darkwing either. I had texted Darkwing, and he said he'd call me to explain what is going on with him, but it's been several days and he hasn't. Hmph! It reminds me of last year when he first contacted me, set up a date, and then stopped talking. (Since he was breaking up with his gf.) Same thing now, he gets busy, he just leaves me alone. Kind of insulting. Makes me feel like I was nothing but a sex toy to him, discarded when he got busy.

I think the reason things are fizzling with Punk, Hippie and Nick is that, despite having OKC profiles up, none of them are really in a place to date. Nick has 2 families, and of course Punk and Hippie have untreated mental illnesses. I contacted each of them first, finding them all so attractive in face and personality as expressed in their profiles. Sometimes I contact men first on okc, since it is the 21st century, but.... nothing sure came of it with these fellas! It's better to be pursued, to be wanted, I guess.
 
Very cool for miss pixi!

Not so cool for you, though, with your guys :( Grrr at Darkwing especially for making you feel that way. It sounds like you're probably right about Nick, Punk, and Hippie, but whatever the reason for the fizzles, it still stinks.

(Sometimes pursuing works... I'm the one who messaged Woody and Bouncer first...)
 
Thanks, KC. That gives me hope. And I still have hopes for Punk, I am sure he WANTS to be well, it's just hard to get it when he's in such a state. I wish I was his real gf, I'd go to his place and kick his ass to the phone.

But I did have a stroke of luck today. Nick the Delicious texted me at 1. He got off work early, was I free? Yes, in fact, I was. :) We had a short time to play and chat, but it was well worth it. Yummm.

He told me he has been working closer to home lately so I hope he can squeeze me in more often. fingersx. He said he hasn't been "dating" at all lately. I know he has a few casual partners, but he chose me. I feel special. :)

.... I wrote that earlier but didn't get to send. I went out and saw the moon and it made me think of Punk. So I texted him. He wrote right back! He is feeling well enough to get together! Tomorrow!
 
Punk did come and visit on Wednesday. :) It was a platonic date. :eek: Turns out he didn't feel quite well enough to have sex. But maybe it was for the best, since my son is here. It might've been a little awkward to have gone off to the bedroom.

As it was, miss pixi and Son and I were just starting to play a board game (Takenoko) when Punk got here. It's fairly new to us, and so we were all talking and advising each other on moves. Punk said he'd be on my "team," and sat next to me on the couch. Somehow I won the game by a landslide despite being more of a newbie to the game than either miss p or Son. Beginner's luck!

Then miss p and Son went to the kitchen to make a pie and the stuffing for dinner the next day. Punk and I sat on the couch a while... that is when he told me he didn't feel up to sex. I was disappointed of course. I'd been getting kinda horny sitting knee to knee with him during the game, and holding hands sometimes, plus he'd made a couple sexual innuendo jokes sotto voce to me as we played the game. We snuggled for a bit instead, and I got myself calmed down. Then we watched some youtubes of bands he liked from the 80s (punk bands like the Replacements, I like them too), and talked about various things for an hour or so. Finally we joined miss p and Son in the kitchen to chat with them as they cooked. It was a nice "family style poly" evening.

After Punk left around 10:30, my son said he liked him and thought he fit into our "pack" well. I was pleased he approved. Son hadn't met any of my lovers since I broke up with Ginger over a year ago.

So, all in all, it was good to have seen Nick one day and Punk the next! I had felt a little hole in my heart, 2 little holes, missing our connections.

We had our good friend over for Thanksgiving the next day. Also we watched my ex husband's dog for the day. It's his gf's dog, but she went to a different state for a week to be with her father and family. My ex h was going to spend Thanksgiving with our daughter at some friends of hers from her church, bless his heart. This doggie is spoiled and not used to being left for a day. So ex h came over around 10:30am with the dog. I was downstairs with one of my traditions, watching the Macy's parade, so invited him down, and we watched some of the parade together, and had a nice chat for an hour. (Looks like he may have a very hot lead on a new job. His last contract ran out in September, so I haven't been getting my alimony lately, just a part of his unemployment. So this was great news.) Since we were down in my main Pyrex storage area, he wanted to ogle my dishes. He expressed an interest in one kind of dish I had extras of, so I gave him one.

He came over again just as we were finishing dinner, and got to meet our semi famous transactivist disc golf champion friend. My worlds are colliding like mad on this holiday! lol I like my ex h, we are friends, and he is fun to talk to. He makes me laugh too, he is a funny guy. I am still glad I am no longer married to him though! :rolleyes:

In the meantime, around 1:30 our friend arrived for the day. After I got the turkey in the oven later than usual (since our friend brought it), I had a nap, we watched half of Terminator 2, we made the side dishes, we ate. After cleanup, and after my ex h left, we all got pie and went back down to finish watching Terminator.

Yesterday we rested some, but it was so warm, miss pixi, Son and I also dragged our tired asses out to the wooded park our dog likes, for a nice hike. I have heard a warm November means a less snowy winter. I hope that's true! It was refreshing to walk after all the food.

Yesterday a nice alternative funny progressive interesting young man started messaging me on OKC. We chatted back and forth a couple hours in the morning and throughout the day. I have a good feeling about him. One of the "you may also like" people OKC put on his profile is Nick!! lol He lives near Nick, is a similar age, and is poly, etc. He has already suggested getting together, and I found out he has a week off, so maybe I can meet him quite soon. Once we meet, if we click, I will figure out a nickname. Since he contacted me, maybe he is really willing and able to see me on a regular basis. We will see!
 
Awesome!! And Takenoko is an adorable game! :D
 
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