Marcus
Well-known member
When you've abused the trust of a lot of the women in a social circle you're still an active part of, those women talk to each other. I don't necessarily view that as bitchy gossip.
Any time I'm hearing the one sided review of how someone is a victim of some big-bad-wolf, I generally just roll my eyes. It's not a reliable account, it's actually the opposite. That's why I call it bitchy gossip. It's hurt feelings and sour grapes, even if some of the details are accurate - it's junk information and just shows that they want to hurt my new romantic interest.
Maybe it's a female social thing that I don't connect to. For some strange guy at a party to tell me the girl I'm dating is an un-trustworthy train-wreck is not a welcome conversation; not in the slightest.
The only thing it would do is make me realize that I am in a room that I don't belong in. I'm an adult, I don't have any interest in some "bro" telling me my new romantic interest is not worth keeping around because she'd "done him wrong".
In both cases, the women were drunk. A lot of these social gatherings tended toward dumb high school-style shenanigans. The ex-lover seemed to be unstable as well as an alcoholic (I'd briefly met her before, and never had positive interactions). This is when I started to question Peter's judgment about choosing friends & lovers. I started to doubt the validity of the good experiences we'd been sharing.
What I see is that this is a poisonous social circle that isn't going to do you any good. You seem like you have your head on your shoulders and I hope that you get yourself away from these... what sounds like "club kids"
As far as how that brought you around to doubting what you've already experienced with this guy is the big issue. For your view to crumble so rapidly and thoroughly due to a few drunken conversations with his angry ex-girlfriends tells me that you have some work to do on establishing and respecting intimacy.
That's not a dig, just that it's how it looks. A secure sense of self would likely not have walked out of that party thinking "I'm going to have to go to drastic measures to investigate this guy!"
Again, it shows a weakness in self. I was seeking information that would help me come to a decision, instead of trusting what I knew and felt. As you can read in my first post, the only result was that I eroded trust & made myself miserable. I know myself; I know this was a one-off event. I'm ashamed of my behavior.
Eh, being an adult is hard fucking work. When we get it right we deserve a high-five; when we get it wrong hopefully we deserve a second chance.
You clearly understand that snooping like that is WAY WAY WAY outside of how a healthy adult relates to other healthy adults. That probably means that you'll never do anything like that again because you don't want to experience this "shame" again. So good for you on that count.
Keep thinking, keep investigating who you are and what you want... you'll be fine. (and tell these chicks to keep their crap to themselves)