Who do you take home?
Ok, so I am really excited because for the first time since all the Ponytail/Whiskers drama last year, both of them are going to go to a social event with me. It is a group activity to go see a play we all want to go to — Ponytail has invited three additional friends (all polyamorous as well) and I have invited Whiskers.
Since this is going to count as my biweekly date with Whiskers (who I won’t see for another 3-4 weeks after this event) and since I see Ponytail at least twice a week and since Ponytail’s other friends will be there, I figured I would arrive and leave with Whiskers. Since the event is over a month away, I had not discussed the particularities with Whiskers or Ponytail yet, but that was what I was planning on in my head.
Last night, Ponytail asked be what I had in mind for that evening and I told him that I was thinking I would like to go home with Whiskers after the event.
Ponytail is not okay with this — which....I guess I knew that Ponytail would have some feelings about it, but I hadn’t anticipated that he would feel strongly enough about it that he is making it a “thing.”
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. My logic makes sense to me ....and even if it weren’t logical, it’s my choice, right? I’m not saying, “oh, I would love to go home with you Ponytail, but Whiskers says I can’t....” and I’m not saying “Oh Whiskers and I have *decided* that I am going to go home with him because I don’t see him often enough...” no, I’m saying, “I don’t get to see Whiskers as often as I would like to, so I would like to go home with him after the event.”
Isn’t that what I’m supposed to do? Take ownership of my own choices?
I feel like this is about to spiral out of control. Because I haven’t even talked to Whiskers about this. But when I tell Whiskers, he is going to say, “Is Ponytail okay with that?” And I will either have to lie or tell him that Ponytail isn’t comfortable — and if I tell him that Ponytail isn’t comfortable then Whiskers will probably feel super uncomfortable too (understandably) and back out of attending.
So my alternative is to just go home with Ponytail. Is that what I should do? It would certainly probably be the most “comfortable” option. But it isn’t what I want and I’m trying to get better at being more direct about what I want...
But on the other hand, this is a big step for both of them. Is it better to just do the option that will make everyone the most comfortable?