I think of "healthy shame" as "remorse." A rose by any other name and all that.
Given the "rose by any other name" factor, I think we might as well use the terms "toxic shame" and "healthy shame" here -- just to be clear about the distinction. I'm also perfectly happy to call "healthy shame" by the name "remorse". But why change course, when doing so may lead to unnecessary confusion?
So is all sexual shame toxic? How do we know the difference?
I would define "toxic
sexual shame" (TSS) as shame about the very fact that one is a sexual being to begin with. At least, that's the beginning of any useful exposition on the topic, which gets more detailed and nuanced from there.
I see (TSS) as profoundly related to somatophobia (fear and/or hatred directed at the body), and agree with certain authors (e.g., Will Johnson) that modern Western culture is somewhat somatophobic. I would speculate that the root context, or source, of TSS is somatophobia (which is generally derived from certain religious traditions).
I don't think homophobia or heterosexism (for example) would (or can) exist without some degree or kind of TSS. Likewise female genital mutilation (
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_genital_mutilation ). I'm sure we could list hundreds of such symptoms.
So is all sexual shame toxic? How do we know the difference?
I don't think all sexual shame is necessarily TSS, but I would argue that the overwhelming majority of modern people do suffer from some degree or another of TSS -- with much variation from culture to culture, nation to nation....