I want an open marriage, and I think my husband may be ok with how I'm feeling. I'm nervous about how to approach the conversation.
Our Background:
Married over a decade. Best friends,rarely fight,loving and we laugh PLUS we're dynamite parents. While having kids (4) I felt so un-sexual, even though I have always loved sex. I refused my husband so many times, that I starting feeling bad. But also in the back of my mind have always gotten excited about new sex with someone I just met..that honeymoon stage. Since 18, I crave the butterflies and someone new sex , with someone I like, no strangers.
Back to our marriage, I told him I was ok with him going outside our marriage that I felt bad for not craving sex. I mentioned it twice, he never really said he would, he just listened. We did not bring it up again. 6 months later I found him meeting and texting with someone who he went to college with and is divorced now. I was furious that he was sneaking and lying. Back to the point, its been 3 years since that happened and in August I found her name in his website google search.
Me: I was hurt to see her name, but my mindset is different. I feel like the old me where I want that new excitement someone new could bring. We know we are best friends and that we'll do whatever to keep our kids happy. I still desire him and he does me.
Am I crazy thinking we have what it takes to make it work? My wish is that we have rules and keep us first. No group or couple dating, just us both have the blessing to communicate and see someone else individually, be it friends, sex, care-for someone else with a limit to keep us first.
It is scary to cross the line, but I don't want to cheat and he already has.
Any thoughts and words of advice appreciated, please..... : )
Thanks!
Our Background:
Married over a decade. Best friends,rarely fight,loving and we laugh PLUS we're dynamite parents. While having kids (4) I felt so un-sexual, even though I have always loved sex. I refused my husband so many times, that I starting feeling bad. But also in the back of my mind have always gotten excited about new sex with someone I just met..that honeymoon stage. Since 18, I crave the butterflies and someone new sex , with someone I like, no strangers.
Back to our marriage, I told him I was ok with him going outside our marriage that I felt bad for not craving sex. I mentioned it twice, he never really said he would, he just listened. We did not bring it up again. 6 months later I found him meeting and texting with someone who he went to college with and is divorced now. I was furious that he was sneaking and lying. Back to the point, its been 3 years since that happened and in August I found her name in his website google search.
Me: I was hurt to see her name, but my mindset is different. I feel like the old me where I want that new excitement someone new could bring. We know we are best friends and that we'll do whatever to keep our kids happy. I still desire him and he does me.
Am I crazy thinking we have what it takes to make it work? My wish is that we have rules and keep us first. No group or couple dating, just us both have the blessing to communicate and see someone else individually, be it friends, sex, care-for someone else with a limit to keep us first.
It is scary to cross the line, but I don't want to cheat and he already has.
Any thoughts and words of advice appreciated, please..... : )
Thanks!