The Game Manual?TGC, not TGM.
The Game Manual?TGC, not TGM.
Some here have dissed the article by Eve addressed to future lovers of Franklin. Calling it a jealous rant.
I wasn't at all jealous of my ex's newest lovers when I broke up with him.
I mean, jealousy is a cover-up umbrella term which usually stems from fear of loss. I knew, being poly, I wasn't necessarily "losing" Ginger when he took up with a married couple. I knew he was in NRE, I was willing to ride it out. I didn't think he was handling the relationship well. The three of them had fights about twice a week. He'd be up, he'd be down. I tried to listen and support. Then he'd gaslight me when he was in an "up" period, denying the former fight and upset had happened with the couple and him...
So I started to get grossed out by all the turbulence, and tire of being his "supply" to tend to his constant need to air his grievances and euphorias with his couple. By the time I broke up, I had mixed feelings about my former metamours, pity for the woman, disgust for the man (who seemed to be another narcissist), some envy that they had a built in babysitter grandma to watch their brood of young children anytime, while they had threesome orgies with my ex... but I wasn't jealous. I was just done. I felt badly for the woman. I worried about her well being. Both men were manipulating her.
One thing I will add is I am wondering how Franklin will work towards healing with his exes. Usually people like him are in denial about their behaviors and tend to blame others. It's a well known fact narcissists (if he is one) never believe they are narcissists and never seek treatment.
For him, I went to anger management classes. “Women’s healing anger,” was the name of the course. Yes, I wanted to heal my anger. But none of what they taught was acceptable to him. “Take a break,” they said, “walk away,” but he wouldn’t let me. He’d come after me, make me come back, confront me. Explain. “Go by yourself and scream into a pillow,” they said, but he wouldn’t let me. It was abusive to scream, he said. Ever. No matter what, no matter where. Even by yourself.
"It is normal for unexpected feelings to happen. When they do, step back, take a deep breath, and remember that your emotions don't have to be in the driver's seat. If you feel an unexpected negative emotion, say so calmly and clearly. Be willing to set boundaries, without having a temper tantrum. If something isn't working for someone else, change what you're doing—even if it's something you were really into. Remember, it's only by playing nicely that you get to play again!"
I have too much time at my hands...
My verdict: whatever the details, they certainly were not very compatible couple when it comes to expressing anger
(also it's kind of hilarioius in a tragic way that Veaux advises people feeling intense emotions to step back and Rickert accuses him of not letting her step back...)
I have too much time at my hands...
So, there was a mention in one of the stories by Rickert about anger (the, uh, anger management story). About how it was, well, that there was a problem Veaux had with Rickert expressing anger.
And hey, there is a fragment in MTT that might be relevant to understanding the dynamic. Regarding group sex:
See the "having a temper tantrum"? It sounds kind of similarily to "it's abusive to scream, ever".
Now, IMO, it depends on the context, whether it's abusive, heavily. Dunno what other people think about it, though, but i think it's actually misleading question, the kind of where people fill in blanks to get more detailed situation in their heads or concentrate on some easy accessible principle, and the end effect is that they answer different questions.
My verdict: whatever the details, they certainly were not very compatible couple when it comes to expressing anger
(also it's kind of hilarioius in a tragic way that Veaux advises people feeling intense emotions to step back and Rickert accuses him of not letting her step back...)
None more bare than the shoemaker's wife and the smith's mareMaybe those two should have read their own book?
It's interesting they didn't include this thread with pod member comments.
...I suggest sending a thread link to the pod and asking them to include it on the document. I’d be surprised it wasn’t added.
Polyamory.com, sadly, is not a particularly well known or popular corner of the internet, as compared to reddit, let’s say.
I've also discovered that one of the people who has vigorously defended the pod in this thread is an ex partner of his.