It's so wonderful to be in a place where we both feel safe with each other again. This forum and the questions posed to me really help.
Glad it is helping you sort things some.
I'm leaning more toward monoamorous, though I'm not looking for my SO's secondary to be my girlfriend or anything, more like a close friendship, and we happen to have sex with the same person at the same time (perhaps where my SO and I Co Dom her). I just feel sharing that aspect, and going out on dates would be an enjoyable dynamic.
You don't want her to be your GF. You want to be friends. So polyamory wise, this is going to be a V.
But you do want to share group sex and a group scene. What if the potential doesn't want to do any of that?
Are you up for it being a "V" WITHOUT the group sex and group kink? Is he?
I know that is something my SO isn't interested in. He's told me multiple times over that he only want me as his primary. I'm pretty he might end the relationship should co-primary be pushed for, but I'd have to double check, but I'm pretty sure that's what would happen.
Then he has to be very clear with his potentials that he only wants primary-secondary.
Even if at this time that's the only model he wants/you want? You guys could still talk about what to do if that want changes. (However unlikely or small.) You probably don't want to be blindsided.
Also talk about how things end, if they have to end. Sometimes I see people assuming it will go back to "original couple and that other person" and they are surprised when the coupling changes or it's down to everyone single again.
Not trying to be a wet blanket. Just saying to be prepared and talk about these things.
Galagirl