New to polyamory dating.

Ofgreenink

New member
So I suppose this post is a way to in a sense learn a bit more about poly dating. In doing some research I found what we were think was something called unicorn hunting. So as an effort to not do this I'm making this post and asking for a bit more advice.

So this comes down to my girlfriend, who is bisexual, and my self, who is straight, are looking to add a third to our relationship. I came to learn already that we should keep our expectations and rules to be more open so as not to force our prospective partner into a box.

We also understand that opening our relationship comes with a host of risks but feel that it is still worth it. And we both feel we would like a
Poly-fi relationship (and mutually exclusive relationship if my terms are incorrect)

I suppose what I'm asking is what the best way to avoid being "that guy". In a poly relationship.
 
The first thing you need to do us give up the notion that you are a couple adding a third. You want to be a triad. The second thing is to give up this notion of rules.

You cannot be a united couple making decisions for a third person. They need to have equal input. If you want this to work you have to toss your couple status out the window. This is easier said than done, which is why this arrangement is one if the most difficult to achieve.
 
The first thing you need to do us give up the notion that you are a couple adding a third. You want to be a triad. The second thing is to give up this notion of rules.

You cannot be a united couple making decisions for a third person. They need to have equal input. If you want this to work you have to toss your couple status out the window. This is easier said than done, which is why this arrangement is one if the most difficult to achieve.

Ok, my current partner and I will try and keep from building up a relationship without this other person. I'm also very intrigued by this notion of tossing our "couple status" we are not looking for a hierarchical relationship so this will definitely be something we have to talk about.
 
May I ask for your reasons to entering poly and seeking a poly-fi arrangement?

It's a little hard to give advice if we don't know what you seek, also, I think most of the traps boil down to unexamined reasons and unquestioned assumptions.

So try to be honest about those .. not necessarily with us, but with yourself.
 
May I ask for your reasons for entering poly and seeking a poly-fi arrangement?

It's a little hard to give advice if we don't know what you seek, also, I think most of the traps boil down to unexamined reasons and unquestioned assumptions.

So try to be honest about those .. not necessarily with us, but with yourself.

Well, we feel that becoming a triad is simply something we've been very interested in for some time. We feel it would be nice to grow a relationship with a third person. Our relationship is very healthy and we have excellent communication and understanding of each other emotionally. So quite simply its something we both have a desire to try. And I thank you for pointing out the portion with traps it makes sense I suppose that's what I'm hoping to do here, find even the unasked questions.
 
Hello Ofgreenink,

It sounds like you've done your homework, and are ready to try for a poly-fi triad. You already know that the most important thing is to give the new person equal say in all that the three of you decide. This may be harder than it sounds, given that you're starting out as an established couple. However, I believe you can do it.

The other thing is to be prepared for the unexpected. For instance, what if you find the perfect person for you, but she is not attracted to your girlfriend? or what if she's married? or what if she has kids? etc. etc.

I think it's a good idea to read and post on this forum, you can get a lot of good feedback and advice here. I recommend that you post updates as your situation evolves, this way we can give you updated responses. Good luck in your search!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
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