vinsanity0
Active member
We, in the poly bubble, are prone to demonize cheating more than the greater social world - likely in an effort to markedly differentiate ourselves from the "other" kind of non-monogamy. But we have to remember that most people think of poly as insane, if they even know what it is. OnePlus's view of cheating is typical - that it's the more respectful choice for those who are trying to preserve and protect their family. Poly is seen by many (again, those who even know what poly is) as dragging the original spouse/partner into a mess in which he/she shouldn't have to be openly involved. Poly can be often perceived as incredibly disrespectful, even when we in the poly community bill this choice as "ethical" and vastly superior to cheating. I am often amazed at how quickly and easily the poly community derides cheating, whereas it's much more often overlooked and readily understood in the larger social world. Taking on lovers in the open isn't seen by everyone as the morally superior choice, so it's no wonder that "discreet" remains the popular option. Poly is often perceived (again, by those who even know of it) as flaunting one's lover, which is the height of disrespect to the spouse. It's a social contract that has been in place for millennia and it's not going to change just because a few people think it should. I'm a huge supporter (and erstwhile practitioner) of poly, but I really don't condone the vitriol about cheating. A little more understanding of why people opt for it would really serve this community.
This is very true. Since embracing poly, I have dated two women who wanted monogamy. Neither got the concept of poly at all. However, both told me they "knew" I would play around while out on the road. They both said they would be fine with that, as long as I kept it hidden. At the same time they both said poly wasn't love. So cheating would have been okay, but being honest was wrong in their eyes.