Al99
Well-known member
This has proven to be an interesting conversation. It would seem that we all, with good cause, would agree that it is perfectly acceptable for the woman in this case to decline to discuss the details of her sexual encounters with her partners, and that ethically she should not do so without the consent of the other partner as well. Ideally, this boundary should have been discussed in the initial negotiations to their polyamorous relationship, so there would not have been surprises later - but communication is never perfect.
As to "being uncommon" to decline to share sexual details in poly - well the response from this group would certainly seem to indicate that it is not uncommon at all. And that does mean something - this is a outstanding discussion forum populated by a good number of experienced poly folks in which very intelligent and thoughtful discussion regularly takes place, and which (as a culture, so to speak) places an emphasis on non-heirarchical poly (so as to avoid couple privilege), as well as ethical poly in general. I personally feel fortunate that I landed here when when my wife poly bombed me a couple of years ago - this forum was instrumental in coming to terms with poly and my eventual personal transition to self identifying as poly (along with a couple of dozen poly-related books, including all the most recognized major texts).
But, from what I have studied in these texts, and from what I have been exposed to elsewhere, the concept of sharing sexual details is certainly less uncommon (i.e., more common) in other poly cultures. As noted already, the major texts acknowledge that "sexual energy exchange" (including sharing of details and techniques) is often seen as a "benefit" of poly.
I am also a member of a half dozen local poly FB groups (using an alt. identity, as we do on this forum), both where I live and where my long distance girl friend lives. These forums, in general, are populated more by millenials than by "aging hippies" (the two groups often cited as being the mainstay of current poly - I would be much closer to being an aging hippy).
In all of these groups, while they are still "true poly" with real loving relationships, the emphasis on sex is much greater - and without a doubt, on these forums, the responses to this question would be much different and much more in line with the OP's supposition - so no real surprise that he got the impression that he did if he were reading poly books or if he looked elsewhere. (In one of the FB groups to which I belong, group orgies / sex parties are scheduled on occasion - attended by poly folks with their partners.).
Just a couple more thoughts. Al
As to "being uncommon" to decline to share sexual details in poly - well the response from this group would certainly seem to indicate that it is not uncommon at all. And that does mean something - this is a outstanding discussion forum populated by a good number of experienced poly folks in which very intelligent and thoughtful discussion regularly takes place, and which (as a culture, so to speak) places an emphasis on non-heirarchical poly (so as to avoid couple privilege), as well as ethical poly in general. I personally feel fortunate that I landed here when when my wife poly bombed me a couple of years ago - this forum was instrumental in coming to terms with poly and my eventual personal transition to self identifying as poly (along with a couple of dozen poly-related books, including all the most recognized major texts).
But, from what I have studied in these texts, and from what I have been exposed to elsewhere, the concept of sharing sexual details is certainly less uncommon (i.e., more common) in other poly cultures. As noted already, the major texts acknowledge that "sexual energy exchange" (including sharing of details and techniques) is often seen as a "benefit" of poly.
I am also a member of a half dozen local poly FB groups (using an alt. identity, as we do on this forum), both where I live and where my long distance girl friend lives. These forums, in general, are populated more by millenials than by "aging hippies" (the two groups often cited as being the mainstay of current poly - I would be much closer to being an aging hippy).
In all of these groups, while they are still "true poly" with real loving relationships, the emphasis on sex is much greater - and without a doubt, on these forums, the responses to this question would be much different and much more in line with the OP's supposition - so no real surprise that he got the impression that he did if he were reading poly books or if he looked elsewhere. (In one of the FB groups to which I belong, group orgies / sex parties are scheduled on occasion - attended by poly folks with their partners.).
Just a couple more thoughts. Al