Happy Thanksgiving day to all!
Here's my story: I'm 32f, happily married for 8 yrs to a man I truly love (37m). My libido or sexual need is far greater than my dh and in recent years, his' was progressively slowing down. Probably work related. We are very transparent to each other so around 7 mos. ago, we agreed to open up our relationship to others to "supplement" the sexual part of my needs. We call it "outsourcing" jokingly. But we opened ourselves to the possibility of adding some elements of poly to it; in short, emotional involvement is ok. I'm not completely new to this since before we got married, we had done some swinging with a common friend (M) which ended up in a 3-way love affair (I'm the hinge). It ended with no drama since we decided to get married and be mono for good.
So I posted a profile on a dating site, and identified myself as "single and available". My line of reasoning was not to complicate things as it won't impact my present relationship anyway since we have no children and my dh travels a lot at work. I later read in forums that this style is called the "free agent" model. I'm now dating this guy (32m) I met from the site for the past 6 months and it worked. My sex life with this guy is very active since his drive matches mine. As far as I know, he doesn't have any other gf or spouse as he gave me unrestricted access to his apartment. He has never been nosy and just accepted my word for it that I'm single. I already have feelings for him and wanted him to stay for good, like in a V relationship with my dh. My dh has no objections to it. But I really feel guilty now that I didn't tell him my real status from the very start.
Should I tell him the truth that I'm married, and risk losing him? Or should I just continue with it while it last (or until he asks) since it is not really impacting our relationship now or that with my dh? Do the "free agent" model of poly really work? Anyone with experience on this?
Any thoughts to let me see multiple perspectives are welcome. Thanks.
Here's my story: I'm 32f, happily married for 8 yrs to a man I truly love (37m). My libido or sexual need is far greater than my dh and in recent years, his' was progressively slowing down. Probably work related. We are very transparent to each other so around 7 mos. ago, we agreed to open up our relationship to others to "supplement" the sexual part of my needs. We call it "outsourcing" jokingly. But we opened ourselves to the possibility of adding some elements of poly to it; in short, emotional involvement is ok. I'm not completely new to this since before we got married, we had done some swinging with a common friend (M) which ended up in a 3-way love affair (I'm the hinge). It ended with no drama since we decided to get married and be mono for good.
So I posted a profile on a dating site, and identified myself as "single and available". My line of reasoning was not to complicate things as it won't impact my present relationship anyway since we have no children and my dh travels a lot at work. I later read in forums that this style is called the "free agent" model. I'm now dating this guy (32m) I met from the site for the past 6 months and it worked. My sex life with this guy is very active since his drive matches mine. As far as I know, he doesn't have any other gf or spouse as he gave me unrestricted access to his apartment. He has never been nosy and just accepted my word for it that I'm single. I already have feelings for him and wanted him to stay for good, like in a V relationship with my dh. My dh has no objections to it. But I really feel guilty now that I didn't tell him my real status from the very start.
Should I tell him the truth that I'm married, and risk losing him? Or should I just continue with it while it last (or until he asks) since it is not really impacting our relationship now or that with my dh? Do the "free agent" model of poly really work? Anyone with experience on this?
Any thoughts to let me see multiple perspectives are welcome. Thanks.