Sume
New member
Hi all, i'm new to all this but I figured what the heck, might as well reach out to a community that can maybe help me put some stuff into perspective.
A quick history on myself; I've been in a monogamous relationship with another woman for the last 8 years, of which we've been married for 1. Prior to this I was in two other monogamous relationships, both with men, the first ending in a ball of fire and the second one lasting for just about 2 years and ended very amicably. I want to start off by saying I love my wife and i'm very happy with the life we've built, can't imagine not being with her whenever I try to picture myself 10 or 20 years down the road.
We've spoken on and off about being in a more open relationship for a few years now. We've had "dry" spells, sometimes lasting for 3-4 months, where we either just have zero desire for sex or are just not syncing up on when we want to. This in itself isn't usually a huge deal, we both understand that sometimes these things happen and we get through it. My wife likes to bring up open relationships more frequently around these dry spells, usually telling me how she wouldn't mind if I wanted to see others to satisfy my needs. She personally has expressed that she doesn't really think she'd want to be with others, as she's the sort who can't really get into sex unless there's a romantic bond involved. At first I was a bit reluctant with the idea but over the past few years our social circle has shifted and grown, and I've been revisiting the idea of being more open on a much more frequent basis.
My wife and I have come to the conclusion that we're open-ish, as she likes to call it. I've been given pretty much standing permission to make out with just about anyone I want to (I have yet to do this, which is why it gets the "ish" at the end), but anything more than that would require us talking first (seems very reasonable to me).
So I guess i'm looking for a little advice on how to proceed? I have my own hesitations about engaging in anything sexual with others (mostly because I've only been with one person in the last 8 years and oh god what if I'm a terrible kisser etc.) sort of stuff, but I don't want to cut myself off from doing things with others just because i'm nervous. I’m also not really sure how to bring this up to my friends, I know a few of them are in poly or more flexible relationships but I’m not sure how to broach the subject with them. So I guess another query is in all of this is: how do I bring up that I’m in an open-ish relationship without it sounding like I’m tossing myself at them?
Any advice or commentary is welcome.
A quick history on myself; I've been in a monogamous relationship with another woman for the last 8 years, of which we've been married for 1. Prior to this I was in two other monogamous relationships, both with men, the first ending in a ball of fire and the second one lasting for just about 2 years and ended very amicably. I want to start off by saying I love my wife and i'm very happy with the life we've built, can't imagine not being with her whenever I try to picture myself 10 or 20 years down the road.
We've spoken on and off about being in a more open relationship for a few years now. We've had "dry" spells, sometimes lasting for 3-4 months, where we either just have zero desire for sex or are just not syncing up on when we want to. This in itself isn't usually a huge deal, we both understand that sometimes these things happen and we get through it. My wife likes to bring up open relationships more frequently around these dry spells, usually telling me how she wouldn't mind if I wanted to see others to satisfy my needs. She personally has expressed that she doesn't really think she'd want to be with others, as she's the sort who can't really get into sex unless there's a romantic bond involved. At first I was a bit reluctant with the idea but over the past few years our social circle has shifted and grown, and I've been revisiting the idea of being more open on a much more frequent basis.
My wife and I have come to the conclusion that we're open-ish, as she likes to call it. I've been given pretty much standing permission to make out with just about anyone I want to (I have yet to do this, which is why it gets the "ish" at the end), but anything more than that would require us talking first (seems very reasonable to me).
So I guess i'm looking for a little advice on how to proceed? I have my own hesitations about engaging in anything sexual with others (mostly because I've only been with one person in the last 8 years and oh god what if I'm a terrible kisser etc.) sort of stuff, but I don't want to cut myself off from doing things with others just because i'm nervous. I’m also not really sure how to bring this up to my friends, I know a few of them are in poly or more flexible relationships but I’m not sure how to broach the subject with them. So I guess another query is in all of this is: how do I bring up that I’m in an open-ish relationship without it sounding like I’m tossing myself at them?
Any advice or commentary is welcome.
Last edited: