The Rules
, rules are not always the answer...
I have been BDSM as a. Big. Bad Dom for a minute. I have never had a set set of rules and never once used a safeword. (I have had safe words told to me and also never had one used towards me.)
I think any Dom who cannot read a sub, even one they have never worked with has no business in the room and needs to go back and study a bit of pre-med.
I have developed a few rules like when two subs are picking on one, you need to get that other girl her own girlfriend.
When two subs are fighting, you need to get far enough away that they cannot come to YOU to SETTLE the argument.
Whatever brilliant insights you have into what they are say, should be written down in your Turds of Wizz Dom notebook and put back in the safe. Leave the house, because the temptation to flash your brilliant ego insight is just like putting your testicles in a blender and saying, watch this.
Sometimes the dice just fall where they may and you cannot just do everything right and make a perfect out come. Life is messy, emotions are messy. Oh and buck up and cope. Yeah.. So true..
Not "sometimes", the second you think you've got it and Know the Right thing to do, the perfect outcome, the universe will give you a hot lead enema, nay High Colonic. (This metaphor is directed to the regular, not you sissy boys would are now drooling and saying "oh bitchy domme high colonic, will that come with a butt plug?")
I think life is fairly elegant. It is always delivering the perfect lesson and reward.
I just too often arrogantly think a I am in the wrong classroom. Worst is when my totally superior brain, which is truly a marvel and incredible problem solver (your problems not mine btw), ignores my quiet, insightful intuitive voice. Dumps that simple bit of advice and works out the Perfect Solution complete with Logic, and well thought out reasoning.
"Would you like me to Supersize that hot lead enema sir? And for only One more stupid fucking word out of your mouth, we would be happy to make that super spicy, does volcanic lava interest you?"
When you don't get the lesson, life makes you go to summer school.
Ofcourse there is so much more to this story that has nothing to do with said kinky vacation sub lover boy.
Wait a minute! He is sub? Do I need to tuck my testicles and go into "watch out, giving advice to bitchy cunt" mode?
That was how my apology went actually. I am sorry I was such a bitch to you it really had nothing to do with you. I was holding the rest of my life together just fine. Until the dam broke and I got pissed and for reasons only a judge could say, "get her in a nut house."
Yeah, well your apology sounds a bit canned, like one of those "we got your email..." "We take our customer support seriously" which I think if they actually vocalized it would have to be in Total Valley Girl voce and I have no idea how to write that in Caps and small case with bold and italics mixed in for great effect, but I'll bet there is some cool girl in Japan who could do the emotocon
Boy can't those garbage can lids fly, when you get a really good seal "holding my life together just fine".
"Isn't this I got it together? I mean I'm like advanced, you know. Totally advanced."
"No dear, this is You Haven't got a fucking clue. The class you Think your supposed to be in is over in the Head Up Your Ass Quad. Can I lend you a foot in your ass to get in headed in the right direction?"
I took it out on him.
It wasn't just normal stress, it was major upheaval kinda things that came like a tsunami every day, and actually now that I am back after two weeks in Hawaii with my kid and Hub, again they start..
Being really smart sort of 142 and 171 these are Weschler and Stanford Binet. And a bunch of other shit I will not go into here, I am likely one of the smartest complete fuckups on the planet.
Many years ago I was in a seminar trying to deal with my "failure" I mean I was broke (am once again now btw) having walked away from a multimillion dollar company I started and blown the bag of cash I walked out the door with up down, but I mean I can do crash and burn better than Hollywood-Bollywood (who will give you a song and dance right after the axe murderer slaughtered a family graphically in the opening scene, but I digress.).
Well this is a seminar on Success (I want) and Failure (which I am trying to stop doing) and I am right there looking at my failures which are huge and numerous and I am feeling hopeless and helpless convinced without a doubt I can NEVER be a Success and this quiet little part of my totally bummed out mind goes
"You are completely successful at failing."
You know where do you keep paradox? I mean on the mantle is just so overpowering and it clashes with my cool swave and deboner "aren't I the shit" which like comes off more turd, but looked so good in that dressing room mirror personna (talk about your run on metaphor!)
So these stresses, do any of them start with..."I gotta handle..." .??
I had a secretary years ago, so fucking dumb she could make a blonde look like Einstein. So I gave her project and even an office right next to mine. I knew exactly what we needed, what the end "product" was going to look like.
She would come into my office to ask about something to do with it and I would have a brilliant answer, I am a master designer-problem solver and each time I would say, " gee I don't know, you go figure it out." (Remember I need crash and burn sorry we have to fire you end result)
Well long story short, she comes back with this completed program that so fucking blows my "perfect product" off the map, I was forced to make her my office manager. Do I put it in my fail or success pile? I mean even sorting paradoxes must less arranging them artfully around the space to distract everyone from what a total fraud I am is daunting. I do so need an interior decorator.
Ask for help?
People would know I got my swave at Walmart. Shit the only Tiffany I know has silicone tits which make my Gurnsey envious and only knows how to say, "oh wow that's so totally awesome." To everything.
So you got your shit together, now what are you going to do with it?
It is a big time for my life and I have no business trying to have another boyfriend for the moment..
Yes dear. That lesson you Think you are supposed to have is in the Head so
Far up your Ass you need a glass belly button classroom. Would you like to borrow one of my aggees from my marble bag?
I am guessing that is what your smartypants daughter would say anyways..
Eat both of our lunches, before we had our napkins in our laps.