Hello,
My husband and I are newly married and I am not even sure if our current relationship model is considered Poly. Basically, we started going to sex clubs at the beginning of our relationship, about 3 years ago. Had a threesome
or two, enjoyed having sex in public and watching others have sex etc. My husbands sex drive is not nearly as high as mine so about 9 months ago, i kind of pressured him into opening things up a little bit more- ie. allowing me to have sex with other men. The rule was it had to be preplanned and cleared ahead of time. So this is what I proceeded to do. I met a guy and we have been having sex about once a month for 7 months or so. My husband is allowed to do the same and I would love it if he would, but due to his not so high sex drive and the fact that he never meets new people, he has not had any outside partners (except one in mexico on his bachelor party).
So here is where i get confused and unsure. We never agreed to becoming emotionally involved with somebody else... it was supposed to be purely sex. And the guy I have been having sex (the secondary) with also understands this. So even though we spend a lot of intimate time together ie. the once a month in a hotel for a night, as well as at work when we sneak off and makeout or when we text or send pics.... we dont talk about feelings. The secondary knows he cant fall in love with me and i cant with him. But im falling in love. And i dont know what to do. I cant talk about it with my husband or with my secondary. I dont know how my secondary feels about me. I dont know if sharing my feelings with him would scare him away. And i dont know how to proceed with my husband. I want my husband to experience what I am experiencing because I think it would allow things to progress more for me with my secondary. I want to have open communication with everyone. I dont want to hurt my husband (he knows there are some feelings involved but not to the extent in which they are at). And these feelings I have are leading me to do things that are not agreed upon by my husband and i... such as, im not supposed to be “going out” with my secondary, my husband doesnt want him to have the “girlfriend” experience, yet, last time I met him at a hotel, we went out and i didnt tell my husband.
Doi just admit that I Am falling in love with the risk that my husband will put a complete stop to everything? Do I tell my secondary about my feelings with the risk that he will not be comfortable anymore? The secondary enjoys our situation because he is not looking for commitment yet he is able to be intimate with someone once in a while. As far as I know, i am the only person my secondary is having sex with or has had sex with in the last 7 months, since we started what we are doing.
Any advice is appareciated becauze i am feeling low after having an amazing night with my secondary but am Now not able to express myself to Him.
Thanks!!!
My husband and I are newly married and I am not even sure if our current relationship model is considered Poly. Basically, we started going to sex clubs at the beginning of our relationship, about 3 years ago. Had a threesome
or two, enjoyed having sex in public and watching others have sex etc. My husbands sex drive is not nearly as high as mine so about 9 months ago, i kind of pressured him into opening things up a little bit more- ie. allowing me to have sex with other men. The rule was it had to be preplanned and cleared ahead of time. So this is what I proceeded to do. I met a guy and we have been having sex about once a month for 7 months or so. My husband is allowed to do the same and I would love it if he would, but due to his not so high sex drive and the fact that he never meets new people, he has not had any outside partners (except one in mexico on his bachelor party).
So here is where i get confused and unsure. We never agreed to becoming emotionally involved with somebody else... it was supposed to be purely sex. And the guy I have been having sex (the secondary) with also understands this. So even though we spend a lot of intimate time together ie. the once a month in a hotel for a night, as well as at work when we sneak off and makeout or when we text or send pics.... we dont talk about feelings. The secondary knows he cant fall in love with me and i cant with him. But im falling in love. And i dont know what to do. I cant talk about it with my husband or with my secondary. I dont know how my secondary feels about me. I dont know if sharing my feelings with him would scare him away. And i dont know how to proceed with my husband. I want my husband to experience what I am experiencing because I think it would allow things to progress more for me with my secondary. I want to have open communication with everyone. I dont want to hurt my husband (he knows there are some feelings involved but not to the extent in which they are at). And these feelings I have are leading me to do things that are not agreed upon by my husband and i... such as, im not supposed to be “going out” with my secondary, my husband doesnt want him to have the “girlfriend” experience, yet, last time I met him at a hotel, we went out and i didnt tell my husband.
Doi just admit that I Am falling in love with the risk that my husband will put a complete stop to everything? Do I tell my secondary about my feelings with the risk that he will not be comfortable anymore? The secondary enjoys our situation because he is not looking for commitment yet he is able to be intimate with someone once in a while. As far as I know, i am the only person my secondary is having sex with or has had sex with in the last 7 months, since we started what we are doing.
Any advice is appareciated becauze i am feeling low after having an amazing night with my secondary but am Now not able to express myself to Him.
Thanks!!!