Survey of Sexual and Asexual Relationship Dynamics

sheesh, everyone, word will get out that this would be a good place to do pilot studies because the feedback is so thorough.
 
I took the survey, and like the others, was frustrated by the focus on my "primary." Even though I do have a particular nesting partner, the other lovers in my life are important, and sometimes become close to co-primaries.

Also, despite me saying I have 4 lovers, I do not have "a" poly relationship consisting of them + me = 5. I have 4 separate relationships. My nesting partner is good friends with one of my other partners, and acquainted with the other 2. In the past, even when she and I have (rarely) had 3 or 4somes with one or two of each others' partners, I still considered my relations with each person to be separate relationships, not "a" relationship of 3 or 4. And even if someday, my nesting partner and I happened to both fall in love with the same person, have sex with them one on one or as 3, or even live together, I would still consider there to be several relationships:

me+my first partner
me+my second partner
my first partner+my second partner
me+first partner+second partner, as in "a family"

However, the chances of a full triad are slim to none. Despite what you researchers may have seen in the media, a triad where each person is sexually and romantically involved with both the others is EXTREMELY RARE. Quads are even rarer. Vs are the most common, followed by, Ys, Xs, and Zs.
 
Re (from cdress):
"Hi kdt26417. We apologize that you had some technical difficulties."

Thanks. My computer is something of a dinosaur, so every now and then it chokes on the newer web technology these days. [shrug] I'll get a new computer someday ... when I basically have no choice ...

And thanks for the gift card offer, I'm not into that sort of thing but I do appreciate the thought. As long as you got a good amount of data from various people, I'm satisfied.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
sheesh, everyone, word will get out that this would be a good place to do pilot studies because the feedback is so thorough.
There have already been so many invitations to participate in studies here over the years, that I think this may be one of the first places researchers come to look for participants. Do a tag search here for "research," "survey," or "studies" to find the others.
 
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The question about masturbation made me LOL. Anybody else?

"Sometimes, people touch their private parts to get a good feeling..."

REALLY?? Man I'm gonna try this shit now...

(Sorry. I can't help it. It was funny. :D)

The primary thing was hard for me, too. I tend to view each person that I'm in a relationship with, as being equally significant to me. And I'm solo-poly-ish, basically I don't have a partner that I live with or would be willing to live with. My group involves a married couple (both partners of mine) as well as three individuals (including me) who all live alone and separate.

Also, researcher people, if you refine this survey later, you might want to make it more clear where it asks how many partners are involved in your relationship/s...at minimum saying "including you" or "not counting yourself" would help...but you're still going to give the Relationship Anarchists fits with this question. And you cannot possibly expect a slut like me to know how many people I've held hands with or kissed or groped in my lifetime...? lol

Anyhow I did my best, ya'll have fun with your project thing.
 
The question about masturbation made me LOL. Anybody else?

"Sometimes, people touch their private parts to get a good feeling..."

REALLY?? Man I'm gonna try this shit now...
Well, I just figured those kinds of questions were intended for the asexual component of their research, to get a sense of how asexuals view sexual acts.

And you cannot possibly expect a slut like me to know how many people I've held hands with or kissed or groped in my lifetime...? lol
I bet the researchers might think I made my number up because it's so high. But it truly would be impossible for me to count. It's a good thing it didn't ask us to remember all their names, LOL.
 
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Hmm…I did learn an interesting fact about myself though, which I had never considered before. I think I have made out with way way WAY more people than I have held hands with. To me, holding hands is a pretty intimate act, but not one that correlates with sexual behaviour at all. Last night while walking home with Zymurgist after a date, he reached out and held my hand for the first time. It felt a bit weird. Nice, but a bit weird, since I'm still in the process of getting to know him even though we've been sexual for months.

Anyway, good luck with the data collection. :)
 
The question about masturbation made me LOL. Anybody else?

"Sometimes, people touch their private parts to get a good feeling..."

REALLY?? Man I'm gonna try this shit now...

(Sorry. I can't help it. It was funny. :D)

The primary thing was hard for me, too. I tend to view each person that I'm in a relationship with, as being equally significant to me. And I'm solo-poly-ish, basically I don't have a partner that I live with or would be willing to live with. My group involves a married couple (both partners of mine) as well as three individuals (including me) who all live alone and separate.

Also, researcher people, if you refine this survey later, you might want to make it more clear where it asks how many partners are involved in your relationship/s...at minimum saying "including you" or "not counting yourself" would help...but you're still going to give the Relationship Anarchists fits with this question. And you cannot possibly expect a slut like me to know how many people I've held hands with or kissed or groped in my lifetime...? lol

Anyhow I did my best, ya'll have fun with your project thing.


Hi, Spork

That masturbation item (and that whole set of items) actually came from a measure called the Sexual Attitudes and Activities Questionnaire. I agree that it sounds a little silly, but for the sake of using and analyzing a questionnaire the way it was made to be, we just left the wording how it was.

And as far as the issue with being solo-poly, you are definitely not the only one. That's the biggest complaint we've gotten so far about our survey. Our intentions weren't to make participants choose one partner that was in some way superior, but just to make them choose just one partner to talk about. So as long as you did that, you did it right.

This is both my and my co-researcher's first time studying asexuality, and we would like to study it much more in the future. That's why the feedback we're getting is just invaluable in helping us to improve our questions to be more appropriately designed and applicable to all kinds of people and their relationships.
 
I am curious. If the main focus of the research is asexuality, why the framework of polyamorous arrangements?


Hi nycindie,

To put it simply, because asexuals can be non-monogamous. When designing the survey, in addition to reviewing scientific research on asexuality, we also perused the discussion boards on AVEN to get more information about asexual relationships, directly from asexuals. And one of the things we found was that many of them are open to non-monogamous relationships so that their partner can still have a sexual relationship, even if it's not with them. So that was certainly an important aspect of relationships that we didn't want to ignore. Also, people of all sexual/romantic orientations are taking the survey and obviously anyone can be non-monogamous.

Also, if you're referring to the fact that some questions were specifically regarding a non-monogamous type relationship, several questions only appeared if certain other answers were given previously. So participants indicating that they were in a monogamous relationship did not get asked any questions regarding multiple partners.
 
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Our intentions weren't to make participants choose one partner that was in some way superior, but just to make them choose just one partner to talk about. So as long as you did that, you did it right.
You might want to just clarify this at some point in the study. Something like "If you have multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships, please choose one of them, and answer any further questions with regards to that one partner."



The concern I had when trying to fill in the study:
I am monogamous (in behaviour and at this point at least). I have one partner. So the right answer to "How would you describe your relationship?" for me, from the choises, seems to be " Dating exclusively- Dating one person". However, that puts me in the cathegory of monogamous relationship. The only other option I am left with is "Dating non-exclusively- Dating more than one person", but that is simply not true at this point of time.
My partner is polyamorous and he has a live-in partner. So I am secondary, if you want. His partner is not my partner. There is not a question to find that out.

My point is you don't have a question to differentiate between
- monogamous both-sides closed relationships
- poly-mono relationships from the mono viewpoint
- pure poly/open relationships from the viewpoint of someone, who currently has only one partner
(- other more subtle options like primary/secondary position in the relationship)

Is this not important to the study?
It would seem important, because later you have questions directed on jealousy.
 
How important was the asexual aspect of the survey? One of my partners is asexual, but he is not the partner I have been with the longest, so most of the questions I answered did not relate to him. I also don't believe it asked about his other partners (although I took the survey a while ago and could be remembering wrong).

If the survey was meant to pay particular attention to asexual people, asking to prioritize an asexual partner for the follow-up questions if there is one could have been helpful.
 
I have one partner, he is not 'primary', he's just the only one I have. He has two partners. I think the other one is primary, he would say we both were. His other partner also has a partner whom she is in love with, and who has multiple sex partners but would say he has no primary. So... How many people are in this relationship? No idea.

But I took the survey and did my best.
 
How important was the asexual aspect of the survey? One of my partners is asexual, but he is not the partner I have been with the longest, so most of the questions I answered did not relate to him. I also don't believe it asked about his other partners (although I took the survey a while ago and could be remembering wrong).

If the survey was meant to pay particular attention to asexual people, asking to prioritize an asexual partner for the follow-up questions if there is one could have been helpful.

Hello Tonberry,
Asexuality is important if the participant themselves is asexual. This survey is not for people to answer things about their partner's relationships/experiences, only their own. So for situations like yours where there's at least one asexual partner and at least one non-asexual partner, there is no need to prioritize answering about the asexual one simply on the basis of them being asexual
 
You might want to just clarify this at some point in the study. Something like "If you have multiple sexual and/or romantic relationships, please choose one of them, and answer any further questions with regards to that one partner."



The concern I had when trying to fill in the study:
I am monogamous (in behaviour and at this point at least). I have one partner. So the right answer to "How would you describe your relationship?" for me, from the choises, seems to be " Dating exclusively- Dating one person". However, that puts me in the cathegory of monogamous relationship. The only other option I am left with is "Dating non-exclusively- Dating more than one person", but that is simply not true at this point of time.
My partner is polyamorous and he has a live-in partner. So I am secondary, if you want. His partner is not my partner. There is not a question to find that out.

My point is you don't have a question to differentiate between
- monogamous both-sides closed relationships
- poly-mono relationships from the mono viewpoint
- pure poly/open relationships from the viewpoint of someone, who currently has only one partner
(- other more subtle options like primary/secondary position in the relationship)

Is this not important to the study?
It would seem important, because later you have questions directed on jealousy.


Hello Tinwen,

For the design of this specific survey, you are answering only about the relationship you're in, not any relationships your partner(s) may be in. If you were to answer that you're in a non-monogamous relationship, you would get questions that pertain to having more than one partner. So obviously those questions would not apply to you, being that you do not have more than one partner.
 
I have one partner, he is not 'primary', he's just the only one I have. He has two partners. I think the other one is primary, he would say we both were. His other partner also has a partner whom she is in love with, and who has multiple sex partners but would say he has no primary. So... How many people are in this relationship? No idea.

But I took the survey and did my best.

Hi A2Poly, the way our survey is set up, you would be monogamous, since you only have one partner. Answering that you were non-monogamous would lead to questions pertaining to having more than one partner, which you do not.
 
Hi A2Poly, the way our survey is set up, you would be monogamous, since you only have one partner. Answering that you were non-monogamous would lead to questions pertaining to having more than one partner, which you do not.

Like I said, I did my best. Im just saying I wasn't trilled being labelled 'mono' when that's the last thing I am, even if I happen to only have one partner right now, and often have had none for long periods of time.
 
Like I said, I did my best. Im just saying I wasn't trilled being labelled 'mono' when that's the last thing I am, even if I happen to only have one partner right now, and often have had none for long periods of time.


I can definitely understand your frustration there. I don't know if there's much consensus on whether monogamy describes a person, or a relationship, or even if it's a general relationship preference and the label persists regardless of your current situation (kind of like a gay person is still gay even when they're single). But anyway, as far as our study, you would be unable to answer questions about having more than one partner, making you monogamous for our purposes. But obviously in other situations, your relationship would definitely be non-monogamous as it involves more than 2 people.
 
I can definitely understand your frustration there. I don't know if there's much consensus on whether monogamy describes a person, or a relationship, or even if it's a general relationship preference and the label persists regardless of your current situation (kind of like a gay person is still gay even when they're single). But anyway, as far as our study, you would be unable to answer questions about having more than one partner, making you monogamous for our purposes. But obviously in other situations, your relationship would definitely be non-monogamous as it involves more than 2 people.

I sometimes use terms like "functionally monogamous" and "ideologically polyamorous" when I acknowledge the fact that I could be happy and faithful and fine with just one partner...but I'd still carry with me much of the "culture" of the poly community and operate within many of the same tenets and concepts. And I think I'd always want the freedom to be at least openminded to the possibility of other new relationships, someday if they naturally lit up, even if I weren't actively seeking them.

There is definitely a difference between the relationship style that one may be currently living, and the identity piece of it.
 
I use the word polyamorous to describe the practice of polyamory, or one approach to having multiple relationships.

I use the word polyamorist to describe a person who practices polyamory, or wishes to even though they may be single or in a de facto monogamous relationship. I use the -ist suffix to denote that, to me, poly is someone a person does or pursues, not something a person is.
 
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