Quotes

Spork

Active member
I like weird quotes. I kind of collect them in my head. Many from kids, as opposed to those serious adult motivational or inspirational quotes we always hear... Anyhow I'd like to hear some of your favorites, even if they are just silly things that someone said and you remembered.

"Everything in the universe, is either a potato, or NOT a potato."
- A friend's son

"ALWAYS get a mint."
- A child at the post office today (after telling her Dad that he had stinky breath.)

"I have symptoms, and no one will cure me."
- My son, when he was about 8 years old
 
From a very drunk friend of ours -
"Everybody deserves a blowjob, but nobody deserves two!"

From my father-in-law, also usually very drunk, when kids start in with the "I want" tantrums -
"Want in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first!"
 
"I want dis I want dat! I want I want I want!"
-- my cousin (when we were teens)
 
I was reminded of a three-part quote which was built up by my high school best friend, me, and our goofy English teacher:

My friend: "They say you can pick your friends..."
Me: "...you can pick your nose..."
English teacher: "...but you can't pick your friend's nose!"
 
When we were kids ...

My brother: "Don't eat it."
Me: "I wasn't picking it!"
 
"To be well in a profoundly sick society, one must contribute to the healing of that society." -- Charles Eisenstein
 
"The decent moderation of today will be the least human of things tomorrow. At the time of the Spanish Inquisition, the opinion of good sense and of the good medium was certainly that people ought not to burn too large a number of heretics; extreme and unreasonable opinion obviously demanded that they burn none at all."
-- Maurice Maeterlinck
 
Oh, I've got a million of 'em.
At least.
No seriously, I'm a total quote whore.

"Anything that is in the world when you’re born is normal and ordinary and is just a natural part of the way the world works. Anything that’s invented between when you’re fifteen and thirty-five is new and exciting and revolutionary and you can probably get a career in it. Anything invented after you’re thirty-five is against the natural order of things."
-Douglas Adams

"The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks."
-Sir Terry Pratchett

"Every time you hear the words 'parsley,' 'intractable,' or 'longitude,' you will vomit uncontrollably for forty-eight hours."
-Joss Whedon, Astonishing X-Men #1

"Holy crap! You're an Arab living in America and you're a terrorist?
That's so disappointingly stereotypical and racist!"
-Deadpool
 
I keep my poly.com quotes exclusively on my visitor page here...I believe I have 3 pages of them...:cool:
 
When my niece was three or so, she was over at my place for a visit. We were heading to the zoo, and she was so excited she made a poor decision and jumped off the back of my couch and broke her ankle. My mom was there at the time, thankfully, but my sister (my nieces' mom) was not. Her foot immediate became quite swollen, and it hurt so bad she would not let us pull off her shoe to apply ice on the way to the ER. My mom left the room and came back a with a pair of scissors, and announced, "We'll have to cut it off!"

My niece went wide-eyed and pale and clutched her foot to her chest and wailed "I no want you cut it off!" She thought we meant we were going to cut off her foot! Obviously that was not our intent, but she was so concerned she should not let us anywhere near her precious appendage until we got the hospital.

So now, in my family, "I no want you cut it off!" has become a saying for when you have to make a difficult choice or sacrifice, for example, when you have to choose between ordering pizza and wings and just cannot make up your mind!
 
"Beam me up, Scotty, this planet is infested with obnoxious Trekkies."
 
"Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind."
-Sir Terry Pratchett

"Hooray for most things!"
-George Carlin

"If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization."
-Weinberg's Second Law

"Robin Scherbatsky, not only are you wrong, but you are belligerently sticking to your guns, and insulting me in the process. Robin Scherbatsky, you are an American."
-Barney Stinson

"I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And then find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party."
-Ron White
 
"I tried being reasonable once -- I didn't like it."
 
"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?"
 
"Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night"
- Sarah Williams, Twilight Hours: A Legacy of Verse

“The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.”
- Niels Bohr
 
Those quotes are super cool FeatherFool.
 
“Twisted and perverse are the ways of the human mind. Pinocchio was such a dolt to try to become a real boy. He was much better off with a wooden head.”
-Orson Scott Card, Speaker for the Dead

“Oh, monsters are scared. That’s why they’re monsters. And as for grownups. . . I’m going to tell you something important. Grown-ups don’t look like grown-ups on the inside either. Outside, they’re big and thoughtless and they always know what they’re doing. Inside, they look just like they always have. Like they did when they were your age. The truth is, there aren’t any grown-ups. Not one, in the whole wide world.”
-Neil Gaiman, The Ocean at the End of the Lane

“Short of nuclear warheads that have already been launched, there is no situation that cannot be met head-on with inaction.”
-Christopher Buckley, Supreme Courtship

“When religion and politics travel in the same cart, the riders believe nothing can stand in their way. Their movement becomes headlong – faster and faster and faster. They put aside all thought of obstacles and forget that a precipice does not show itself to the man in a blind rush until it’s too late.”
-Frank Herbert, Dune

“The moving finger writes, and having writ
Moves on, nor all thy piety nor wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a line,
Nor all thy tears wash out a word of it."
-Omar Khayyam
 
Love the Gaiman (and Dune) quote/s.
 
Back
Top