Orlandobif
Member
There is our life, the core or primary partnership, the marriage. As we date others there are external fluctuations that affect the marriage in both good and bad ways. Good ways, you come home excited to share your day, event or evening. You are exposed to new things and in turn take your spouse to that restaurant, that conversation, that new hobby or kink explored. You bring it home and share and explore those new things together. Great sex outside the home can be great sex inside the home. It can also generate sadness because, “you are not that creative with me”, “you never took me there”, “how come you didn’t think to bring me a trinket from your adventure?”, “can’t we do that together or is that reserved and special now”, “I know the sex is great over here but it means we’re having less sex together here”, “the time over there is detracting from our ability to take care of life”.
Then there’s the uneven ebbs and flows of other relationships. We may not be dating at the same time. Breakups mean we turn to each other for comfort. My new found “time” is now a burden because you going out this much was ok when I was dating and now feels lonely when I’m not. You go out too much. I have less opportunity. You have less interest. I’m injured and stuck at home. I’m glad your happy but I wish I could find that.
So I have all these questions rattling around as I think about our history in poly and I can’t decide if poly helps or hurts a marriage. Does it give us more of what we want and therefore we stay together getting our needs met or are we getting more of what we want outside the marriage and now I don’t share it at home. Does it feed or drain the marriage or do some parts feed or drain more than others. My point being that poly or casual both adds and detracts depending on how the couple sees and handles it.
How has it affected your primary relationship?
Then there’s the uneven ebbs and flows of other relationships. We may not be dating at the same time. Breakups mean we turn to each other for comfort. My new found “time” is now a burden because you going out this much was ok when I was dating and now feels lonely when I’m not. You go out too much. I have less opportunity. You have less interest. I’m injured and stuck at home. I’m glad your happy but I wish I could find that.
So I have all these questions rattling around as I think about our history in poly and I can’t decide if poly helps or hurts a marriage. Does it give us more of what we want and therefore we stay together getting our needs met or are we getting more of what we want outside the marriage and now I don’t share it at home. Does it feed or drain the marriage or do some parts feed or drain more than others. My point being that poly or casual both adds and detracts depending on how the couple sees and handles it.
How has it affected your primary relationship?